'cause i'm mr brightside
June 19, 2012 10:34 PM Subscribe
I like my friend but it's not mutual and I'm still working on getting over it. Recently she picked up someone at a club while I was getting us drinks, and I'm burning up with jealousy. How to deal?
posted by swimmingly to Human Relations (32 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I already know she tends to sleep around, so the jealousy isn't from the fact that she picks up people at clubs. She's perfectly entitled to and it's not my place to say anything. And honestly, I know it's not even my place to feel jealous, but I can't help myself. I guess the difficulty I'm facing is that I feel personally spurned this time because although she knows I like her, she picked up the other person while I was off buying us drinks.
That hurts, even though rationally I know I can't really blame her because I did place myself in that position by going out to a club with her in the first place. And today she was more detached than usual and posted on Facebook that she was at this new person's place. Which also hurts because I've personally seen the other person who is being chosen over me, rather than it being some unknown nameless entity.
Thing is, it's not as though she's deliberately mean to me or anything, just kinda indifferent about it. So the problem really lies with what's going on inside my head. I don't like it because it's making me act all stupid and insecure, and I'm feeling a strong urge to cut off all contact, but it's not her fault so I feel that would be unwarranted.
It doesn't help that I'm currently visiting the city she's staying in right now, and my social support network isn't here. I can't just go off and ignore her for a bit until I calm down. I'm hanging out with a few other friends, but there's a short period of time when the rest of them won't be around and she'll be the only friend I know here for those two days. That introduces an extra element of insecurity. I'm also kind of too depressed to go out and explore by myself. So I really do want to hang out with her for those two days, but at the same time the thought makes me sick.
So my question is: What can I tell myself, or do, to help me get over this? In a way that doesn't end up with me making a royal mess out of things?
I'm fully aware that my thought processes aren't that far away from functionally retarded right now, because of all the awful emotions, so I'm counting on you to help me think clearly! :( If it makes any difference (though probably not), all the people involved in this sorry episode are girls, including me.
Thanks in advance!