Where can a person get honest, objective opinions on their physical appearance?

July 28, 2005 4:42 AM

Where can a person get honest, objective opinions on their physical appearance and what they can do to make themselves look better?

For a long time, I've had lots of issues about the way that I look (facial structure, hair, clothes, body shape). I know that to be obsessed or overly concerned with appearance may appear superficial and is probably not constructive in the long run, but I'm young and single and I want to make a concerted, practical effort to look my best.

Friends and family are good for giving advice about things to try, but I always feel like they might be biased or afraid to "tell me the truth" about how I look. I would love to find a way to get some objective, non-involved party to help me with my style/appearance.

If it matters, I'm a mid-twenties male, in good shape, good hygiene, go to the gym, all that basic stuff. It's the more subtle stuff that I think it's harder to get help with, like "those pants are really unflattering" or "you should try to wear your hair differently" or "wear this color, it might accentuate your eyes more".

posted by anonymous to clothing, beauty, & fashion (14 comments total)

I'd say it depends on how good you want to look, or, from another angle, to whom do you want to look good? A hipster might not think anyone dressing in Hollister could ever look good, or a (very stereotypical) straight male might not have any idea when it comes to stylish straight male fashion. Then again, maybe your friends are thoughtful and insightful (a lot of mine haven't the slightest!).

I occasionally have this problem, and as an early-20's straight male, I usually appeal to female friends for advice (typically a relationship marked by mutual sexual disinterest). The number of times I've heard, unsolicited, something like:
other: "hey, you really match today!"
me: "really?"
other: "no! you look like an idiot!"
is pretty ridiculous. Every little admonishment adds to the cache, and it happens less and less frequently. The trick is finding the right friends (I don't think I could get an honest appraisal out of my family on anything...). As for asking someone you don't actually know...well...I sure as hell couldn't ask someone I don't know, unless I was at a concert, drunk. That's another story.
posted by hototogisu at 5:02 AM on July 28, 2005

Honestly, find a stylish girl friend who is willing to speak her mind, perhaps crudely and without sugar coating. Even, just an acquaintance.

Let them know you're not going to be offended by what they say, let them work on you. "Bitches" are worth their weight in gold when it comes to something like this.

My apologies for the term but it's the best way to universally reference the type of girl I'm talking about. :P
posted by dflemingdotorg at 5:54 AM on July 28, 2005

You could always post your picture up here. We'll be gentle, I promise. :)

Seriously, though. You're posting as anonymous... so any picture you added to the more text would just be associated with the anonymous username, thus your secret identity would be secure.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:01 AM on July 28, 2005

There's always hotornot.com.
posted by delmoi at 7:37 AM on July 28, 2005

It can be hard to convince people that you really want to know the truth-- good , bad, or indifferent. One approach I've found is to find a female friend who will take you shopping and set the tone by saying something along the lines of this:

"Ok, I have no clue about my clothes anymore. I can't tell if they look good or look awful. It's crazy, but it's like I have no feelings about them at all. So I need your help! You have to give me your honest opinion about this or else I'll walk around looking like a complete moron without realizing it!"
posted by 4easypayments at 7:57 AM on July 28, 2005

Most big department stores like Macy's or Neiman Marcus will have personal shoppers that are employed by the store and free to you to use at no charge. They can help you put a look together as far as clothes go. As far as other stuff like hair and general appearance goes you could hire an image consultant. (Here's an example that came up from a Google search. You could Google "image consultant" and your city to find one near you.) I imagine they'd be honest becuase you're paying them to be. :)
posted by MsMolly at 8:21 AM on July 28, 2005

The difficult part comes in finding someone that can combine who you are with fashion, in such a way that you still look like who you are, but only in a better way. I've seen people get make overs and come out looking like total idiots, because the 'fashion' they wore was something that belonged to a totally different personality.
posted by Goofyy at 8:46 AM on July 28, 2005

Post on Craigslist asking for a stylish girl to meet you for coffee and give a brutally honest evaluation of your hairstyle and clothing. It's worth a try!
posted by agropyron at 9:17 AM on July 28, 2005

I was working with some Dutch folks a few months back, and one of their magazines (sorry do not know the name, but it was very mainstream and famous in the Netherlands) had a section that was for lack of a better translation 'Rate my body' where readers would send in a picture of themselves completely naked. One front and one back (picture was only from the neck down) and readers would write in with their comments about best and worst attributes etc.
At first I was shocked (Being a discrete Canadian type) but they took it quite seriously. There were no offensive or ridiculing comments. Quite interesting actually. We all stood around for about 10 minutes and had a discussion about this guy's body (they have male and female submissions). The interesting part was that though we were about half male and half female, the discussion did not once reference the guy's member. You have to admire the Dutch.
posted by TheFeatheredMullet at 9:34 AM on July 28, 2005

You may want to ask your friends more detailed questions than just "Dissect my appearance." If you can say things like, "I'm not sure these pants work; do you think a different style would be better?" or, "I'm going to get my hair cut, I'm kind of thinking of doing X, but I'm worried that it will make my forehead look too big... do you have any other ideas?"

Targeted questions that let the other person give a constructive, practical answer, without feeling like they're going to be destroying your ego (you've already said you're unsure of something, and looking for targeted advice), could get you more practical tips from your friends.

There was actually a great essay at Tomato Nation about it (directed at women, but I think it'll be helpful nevertheless).
posted by occhiblu at 10:52 AM on July 28, 2005

This isn't evaluative, but if you'd like some advice on haberdashery, you might try TheMorningNews.org's guide to men's fashion.

I don't agree with everything they say, but it's a starting point. (And, btw, I'm a woman.)
posted by CiaoMela at 11:07 AM on July 28, 2005

I gotta second MsMolly's suggestion. Hiring a personal image consultant would basically be like having your own "Queer Eye" episode, but wouldn't get blathered all over TV :) I was skeptical of the whole business until I started chatting with a friend-of-a-friend who is an image consultant, and she actually made a lot of sense and sounded very knowledgable.

I'd try to go beyond a "personal shopper" and get the whole package, including hair (and makeup, if you're metro like that) recommendations as well as clothes. I don't know how much it costs, but if it's been nagging at you for years, then... well, maybe it's worth it.

Also, ask to see a portfolio or at least some "before/after" portraits of past clients so you make sure you're getting someone whose sensibilities are appropriately preppy, trendy, or whatever to match your personality.
posted by rkent at 4:26 PM on July 28, 2005

Slightly irrelevant, this question reminds me of a scene in the movie Lovely & Amazing, in which a woman stands nude in front of her one-night stand and asks him to describe her body, good and bad. He complies, tactfully for the most part, and she accepts it well enough, but afterwards she refuses to take his calls. It was quite poignant, I thought. The sort of thing you think you want, but is actually very masochistic in practice.

Maybe a distinction between things you can change and things you can't might be useful. It definitely would be helpful to find a disinterested party to tell you that your current outfit is awful (personally, oh how I wish someone had told me at 16 that tapered khaki pants...well...ugh...never mind), but having someone scrutinize your facial structure? Do you really want to know? Do you really think knowing that someone thinks your cheekbones are asymmetrical will make you obsess LESS?

Personal appearance is such a touchy subject, and so individual (keep in mind, of course, that an "objective" assessment by one person may be completely different from an "objective" assessment by another), and this sort of thing leads to such a slippery slope...I don't know. Just keep things in perspective and don't go overboard.
posted by granted at 5:08 PM on July 28, 2005

I'd suggest doing it over the Internet with strangers - that way you're just getting unbiased opinions from people who have no stake, and you put a limit on how much you need to care about anything that inadvertently hurts your feelings.

If I were going to do this, I'd poke around the LiveJournal interest groups until I found one whose membership was willing to do this for me. I have seen some groups that have admission criteria based on appearance and will carefully, if smugly, detail exactly why you didn't make their cut; but they seem to be mostly thirteen-year-olds. I bet there's one for folks like us though.
posted by ikkyu2 at 6:00 PM on July 28, 2005