How to make a sad Father's Day better?
June 15, 2012 9:29 AM Subscribe
How should I make the best out of a bad Father's Day situation? My boyfriend is going through a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife over rights over their 2-year-old daughter. He will not be able to see his daughter on Sunday and almost certainly won't receive any communication from her. What can I do to make his day a little less painful?
I already have framed photos up of his daughter in our house. The last time he saw her was over a year ago (not by choice obviously.) I'm thinking of writing him a letter letting him know how proud I am of him for overcoming obstacles and moving forward with the necessary measures to regain custody. Otherwise I'm truly at a loss and feeling heartbroken over how to honor him and give him a little hope on this sad day. Thank you!
I already have framed photos up of his daughter in our house. The last time he saw her was over a year ago (not by choice obviously.) I'm thinking of writing him a letter letting him know how proud I am of him for overcoming obstacles and moving forward with the necessary measures to regain custody. Otherwise I'm truly at a loss and feeling heartbroken over how to honor him and give him a little hope on this sad day. Thank you!
Distract him.
This. A situation in my life has produced a similar complication with Mother's Day and it's really tough. The best thing my husband can do for me is hug me and just not talk about it. If I want to talk about how I'm feeling, I bring it up with him. Any big gesture just makes me feel worse.
posted by upatree at 11:46 AM on June 15, 2012
This. A situation in my life has produced a similar complication with Mother's Day and it's really tough. The best thing my husband can do for me is hug me and just not talk about it. If I want to talk about how I'm feeling, I bring it up with him. Any big gesture just makes me feel worse.
posted by upatree at 11:46 AM on June 15, 2012
Obviously your boyfriend did not see his daughter LAST Father's Day either.
So, as others have said, don't focus on this particular day.
When I met my (now) husband his wife had disappeared with his 2 yo son [and emptied all their financial accounts etc.]
As we became friends we worked out strategy and sought legal help.
Then he waited. That was the most difficult part.
It lasted over 6mo.
She made contact for money, he grabbed her address and filed papers (for child visitation rights and divorce.)
Then it was done, within weeks. The court will grant emergency visitation. Calm will follow.
posted by Twist at 2:07 PM on June 15, 2012
So, as others have said, don't focus on this particular day.
When I met my (now) husband his wife had disappeared with his 2 yo son [and emptied all their financial accounts etc.]
As we became friends we worked out strategy and sought legal help.
Then he waited. That was the most difficult part.
It lasted over 6mo.
She made contact for money, he grabbed her address and filed papers (for child visitation rights and divorce.)
Then it was done, within weeks. The court will grant emergency visitation. Calm will follow.
posted by Twist at 2:07 PM on June 15, 2012
Sorry.
I may have mis-read your OP.
my advice is to work on strategy, then work with the courts and not become overly involved with ANY ONE DAY in the troubling days to come.
posted by Twist at 2:13 PM on June 15, 2012
I may have mis-read your OP.
my advice is to work on strategy, then work with the courts and not become overly involved with ANY ONE DAY in the troubling days to come.
posted by Twist at 2:13 PM on June 15, 2012
Best answer: Do you know of any activities that would either A) help him relax or B) be exciting, different, or thrilling in a way that demands his attention and won't let his mind wander back to the pain his ex-wife is inflicting upon him?
For me these could mean a long bike-ride, hike, swim in a lake, followed by some kind of fun on the town--dinner and drinks, dancing, a live show.
Or do something special with him that you know he has been wanting to try...but this may be difficult on a Sunday.
Hope it works out well.
posted by SpicyMustard at 2:16 PM on June 15, 2012
For me these could mean a long bike-ride, hike, swim in a lake, followed by some kind of fun on the town--dinner and drinks, dancing, a live show.
Or do something special with him that you know he has been wanting to try...but this may be difficult on a Sunday.
Hope it works out well.
posted by SpicyMustard at 2:16 PM on June 15, 2012
Best answer: A letter like that would make me lose my shit - in a good way. It sounds like you guys might already be solidly on this basis, but if not, you would certainly be doing him a favor just to show your support and reinforce that you're him on this and you don't see his desire to see his daughter as any kind of desire to reconnect with his wife.
But it's more than possible that I'm overthinking this in a way that he does not.
posted by ftm at 7:44 PM on June 15, 2012
But it's more than possible that I'm overthinking this in a way that he does not.
posted by ftm at 7:44 PM on June 15, 2012
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I'm going through a tough time this year because this is the first Father's Day without my dad who died in December. So I'm planning to just go out for a nice meal, see a movie, and try not to dwell.
So my advice is that he already feels bad most of the time about not being with his daughter and there's no need to underline it by calling attention to it. Try to plan a fun thing to do together that isn't dad-centric.
posted by inturnaround at 9:53 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]