OKcupid

June 14, 2012 9:29 PM

One of those judge-my-OKCupid-profile things.

Profile is here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/planted928

I've never had a genuinely fulfilling romantic or sexual relationship. I'm looking for both. Boyfriends = 0 and sexual experience = mostly one-(or two- or three-, perhaps)-time hookups.

I switch back and forth from having profiles on OKcupid and the more sex-oriented sites/apps. Typically when I'm on those, my profile is not particularly racy and I open myself up to dating experiences on those sites. Of course, more often what one finds there is far more short term; I'm find with that on all levels (moral, whatever else) -- except for the practical. Which is to say: if I'm looking for a boyfriend, that's not the best way to optimize my chances. Dating is a numbers game, and Grindr puts you on the opposite side of the coin.

So let's talk numbers. OKCupid tells me I get ~65 visitors/week; in the past week, I've received five messages (though two of those I slightly knew in real life-ish before we saw each other's profiles, and so I knew they weren't prospects for me). Of the other three, one said exactly nothing more than "Hello sir. How are you doing?" from someone I wasn't attracted to (I didn't respond); another wrote a couple sentences that mentioned we had things in common, though he didn't say what (at most I was sort-of attracted to him, and I wasn't going to make the effort to start up the conversation when he barely did); and the third said something flattering but weirdly distancing about me being too good-looking to be on the site (huh?) and after a few short messages we stopped talking.

I go through waves of messaging first versus allowing others to message me. My thought process goes something along the lines of, "If I want something, I need to go and get it," so I message everybody I'm interested in -- and then I get frustrated by always being the one pursuing and having any conversation or eventual meeting fizzling out on their end, so I stop messaging first. (And then after receiving rather few messages from people I'm interested in, feeling the need to write first once again...)

In general, when I write someone, I find one or maybe two things in their profile that interest me, try to make some cute-slash-slightly-funny-remark about it, and then introduce myself. Short and sweet (is the idea). In this go-round on OKcupid (last month or so?), however, I haven't met anyone off the site.

-------

Any thoughts specifically about the profile are appreciated. Any general advice about dating for a gay man with little relationship experience (I came out 2 years ago) would also be great.

posted by anonymous to human relations (33 answers total)

I'm a straight guy, but it looks pretty good to me. You have an attractive photo, it's well-written, nothing in it is creepy or depressing or way too vague. I feel like your problem might be more how you interact with the site than the quality of your profile. It sounds like you don't really want to put much effort into conversing online. I wonder if you'd have better luck if you tried to move towards a physical meeting sooner, before you get bored or frustrated with online conversation. Online conversation with people you don't know well can tend towards the shallow.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:46 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't like this part:
"The first things people usually notice about me
I speak softly and full of passion."

Is that really the first thing people notice about you? It just sounds weird. What does that even mean? Do you speak really quietly? And are also full of passion? Is that a reference to something?

Other than that, the profile seems adorbs to this straight lady.

I think you are being too hard on the dudes messaging you. It's awkward. Maybe just skip right to the meetups? Like, use it as a blind date service? But be clear it's not casual encounters if that's not what you want at that point.
posted by lalalana at 9:49 PM on June 14, 2012

I'm a straight woman for what it's worth.

First off you need better pics. You're a good looking guy but your expressions in pretty much all of your photos except the first one are bad. You're either looking goofy or smiling too wide. Try replacing them with pics in which you have a more genuine look. The faint confident closed mouth smile is always a good stand by.
posted by timsneezed at 9:53 PM on June 14, 2012

The only thing that really stands out to me is that no favorite foods are listed. It seems to me that might make it kind of hard to figure out where to go out to dinner with you.

I can kind of relate to the remark about you being too good looking. I said that to a guy once. He was younger than me and a gym rat. It really made me feel like I wouldn't be pretty enough for him. If someone says something like that again and you think you might want to pursue things further with them, maybe read it as an indicator they need reassurance?
posted by Michele in California at 9:58 PM on June 14, 2012

If you have a nice body it also wouldn't hurt to put up some photos that show more of your physique (but I'd keep your shirt on).

I also remember hearing from a gay friend that a lot of gay guys are turned off by "flamers" and there's no real delicate way of saying this but for better or worse you look REALLY gay in the second to last photo because of the giant smile.
posted by timsneezed at 10:00 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Obligatory disclaimer: I'm a queer lady.

I agree with lalalana that your answer to "The first things people usually notice about me" is a little weird. Other than that, though, I found your profile charming. Seriously, I smiled at every other sentence.
posted by randomname25 at 10:02 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

Your second photo is awful; you're adorable but that is serial killer-ish. Dump it.

The first things about your profile is negative, what you don't like/get, what you judge people for...maybe make it more positive.

Good luck!
posted by the young rope-rider at 10:03 PM on June 14, 2012 [4 favorites]

I tend to agree with tylerkaraszewski. Meet sooner, put in the effort to converse online. You're on the site to meet people, so send the message when you're interested. It really doesn't matter who messages whom first. If you are doing all the work when you get into the dating stage or having a relationship with one of these candidates, THEN you have something to get frustrated with. Anything goes via cupid mail, though. It's just a message. They're allowed to flake. Most people I've encountered in the online dating community tend towards a flaky crust, especially if you are an attractive person of substance.

Have you considered trying a more serious dating site, like Match.com?

Muster up all your patience my friend, and keep playing the online dating sideshow game 'til you win the teddy bear.
posted by acertainseason at 10:07 PM on June 14, 2012

Photos:
-You need better photos, more like the third photo and you need to make sure that they are all the same size.

Self Summary:
-I think the words "way too trusting" are a terrible way to describe yourself to people that don't know you. When I read this, I couldn't help but think that you didn't have enough life experience to know that you shouldn't be so trusting towards others. I also thought that someone could easily use this against you because if you are so trusting then that implies that it's easy to lie to you and get away with it.
-I really dislike the way that you have included what "gay things" you like and dislike. There is no standard list of things that someone likes or dislikes based on their sexual identity, gender, sex, or sexual orientation.

The "What I'm Doing With My Life" Section:
-I think this is great, I wish you shared more but the second sentence in particular comes across as inviting and open to hanging out.
posted by livinglearning at 10:11 PM on June 14, 2012

straight woman, fwiw. Overall, I think your profile is good; it's literate, charming, and you have good taste and cool interests. You're also cute as hell (though I concur with the advice to lose the second photo).

On the down side, your profile might be making you come off as a little judgmental or rigid -- leading with the things you don't get, for example, or the "tell me why Jackie Brown is the best Tarantino film (though it isn't, of course)" thing. This might make me wonder if you're going to go out of your way to start an argument/debate about some point on the first date -- which is then reinforced by your point at the end "you like to argue passionately about trivial stuff."

The thing is, there's a big difference between conversing passionately about differing points of view or preferences, which lots of people may enjoy, versus arguing passionately about differing points of view or preferences, which only a smaller group of people may enjoy. So by putting yourself in the "let's argue!" group (rather than the "let's discuss!" group), you're perhaps unnecessarily limiting the number of guys who may be inclined to contact you.

In short, I would suggest that you think of ways to indicate that you are open to other people's points of view, tastes, experiences, etc. as something other than things to judge or to argue about. Ask yourself: how can you show that you are potentially interested in other people for who they are, not for how they might reflect back on who you are?
posted by scody at 10:28 PM on June 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have to agree with the others. Your profile is fine; just focus on meeting people sooner so that you don't spend too much time getting to know an imaginary version of someone. "Gay things I just don't get" is a bit negative, yes, but it's authentic. I talk this way too; I know it's abrasive and off-putting but it's a verbal tic that's been damn hard to change. I wouldn't want to go on a date with someone who couldn't stand that about me. You could replace your second and third photos with something less blurry than #2 and more relaxed looking than #3. But, really, it's fine. 5 messages in a week is pretty good. Just keep on keepin' on.

Your question makes it sound like you don't know really what you want (because you want everything). That's fine! Exploring is good. Just don't commit yourself to anything too quickly because you're still in this exploring phase. You can take your time to figure out how you feel. It is okay that you don't have much relationship experience; plenty of people out there have even less than you. One thing you don't mention is how involved you are in your local gay community. While a lot of relationship advice is universal, some of your questions about dating and hookups would probably be better answered by other gay men. Also, it's easier to develop strong relationships through real life activities--you get to see how they treat other people, have instant conversation fodder, and see each other regularly. My friends seem to be doing well with the local gay soccer and flag football leagues. I also knew someone who really enjoyed being in the gay mens' choir.

If you're not comfortable with just jumping into the local community, one of my gay friends here in SoCal has made some good relationships (platonic and otherwise) and gotten decent advice from going on realjock.com.
posted by rhythm and booze at 10:42 PM on June 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

1. Photos are all headshots.

2. "Optimistic, way too trusting, and I judge you on your grammar."

You never want to start out negative or judgmental. Being overly trusting is a negative trait. Judging others on grammar does not convey any information about you. All anyone knows is that you're judgmental.

I've gotten to the point where I find "judging on grammar" comments to be really cliché. I get that you don't want to talk with uneducated people, but such a statement won't attract educated people to your profile.

3. "Gay things I just don't get . . ."

I think this could have some potential for elaborating. Maybe you could distinguish yourself here? As it stands, it's just "I don't get it." Okay then!

4. "I speak softly and full of passion."

What?

5. Do you really want people contacting you if they think "'kthxbai' is the awesomest phrase the hipsters came up with?"

I understand what you have written for this section is a joke, but it's a complete waste of time for others to read. Realistically, what kind of person are you interested from hearing from?

6. Although you appear well educated and exhibit a decent degree of cultural awareness, the profile does not portray someone who is all that interesting. Your self-summary does not really say anything about you. Your strongest section is your "Favorites" section. There needs to be more content and you need to be more conversational. After reading your profile, I know very little about you. You're indistinguishable.
posted by Jurbano at 11:01 PM on June 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

I was a bit put off by how negative your self-summary is. It's the first thing someone reads about you and you proceed to come across as extremely judgemental (for grammar, for "those gays" and "way too trusting" makes me think you're nursing a grudge or you're carrying baggage). Your message me if's also come across as "message me if you agree with me on these potentially obscure things!" which may be turning people away, especially coupled with your statement about liking arguments. (Basically everything scody said.)

You may also want to add more "hooks" to your profile if you want a greater diversity of people messaging you - especially if you want messages with some substance.
posted by buteo at 11:04 PM on June 14, 2012

Straight girl here and I don't do the online dating thing, but for what it's worth -- the "and I judge you on your grammar" made you adorable in my eyes. It was my favorite part. It signals, in a cute way, that you're smart and care about things being done right. I'd want someone like that. :-)

I felt like I was missing something with heart and keys being verbs...it didn't feel saucy, it felt flaky.

I'm dubious that that first thing people notice is that you speak softly and full of passion; unless people constantly comment on the fact that you're a "low talker" and you want to prepare them for constantly saying, "I know you feel strongly about what you're saying, but I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" then I'd rewrite that.

The first and fourth photos are good; the second is scary and blurry. The third is just a little too close-up. A nice, toothy smile like that needs to be a few feet farther back from the camera.

Good luck!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:25 PM on June 14, 2012

(straight woman here) I didn't like the way the profile started out. I had to read the first sentence and the parenthetical statement several times to be able to move on. I wish it started in a more conversational and less abrupt way so I could ease into it. You can definitely keep the part about judging people on their grammar, though. Thumbs up to good grammar. I would agree with others who have said to start with some more positive/friendly type stuff and then you can tell people how judgy and argumentative you are, and since they like you already, they'll find it more endearing.

First photo is good. The rest should go, I don't think they are doing you justice or any favors.

You don't strike me as being way too trusting - if so, then why so critical of everyone who contacts you? Perhaps you should trust that despite not being great at striking up an e-chat that they might be interesting/cool people if you met them? If you want people to contact you in a specific way, perhaps you should consider putting that into your profile at the bottom (in nice/joking terms of course) so that they'll know what you're looking for in a message from them?
posted by treehorn+bunny at 12:17 AM on June 15, 2012

I think this is my favorite profile that I've read posted on AskMe. I am not your intended audience, but if I were that profile would make me want to message you. I think your picture is really cute. I think you sound like you have a clue. Your profile made me grin.

Some things in it I'd change because they aren't perfect for me but there's nothing wrong about any of it. You can tweak according to other people's preferences, but then you're tweaking to their preferences. But maybe look at how genuine you're being throughout all of it. If there's anything in there that truly is not you, take that out.

In my opinion the best parts--the parts that made me smile--were your self-summary, six things, and you should message. Those make you seem smart and funny and attractive. Parts I wasn't crazy about were first things people notice and what I'm thinking about (but only because I hate Douglas Adams and everyone makes that joke. But it's actually probably the most concise way to accurately answer that question).

Anyway, I don't think you have too much to worry about with your profile. If your goal is a boyfriend rather than quick flings (I'm not sure it is) then you might mention that. Keep messaging people. I can't imagine that anyone that you'd mesh well with wouldn't message you back. Maybe I'm being short-sighted here but I kind of think your problem is the other people, not your profile. Don't get discouraged!
posted by Polychrome at 1:09 AM on June 15, 2012

I disagree with Jurbano. Both the "judge you on your grammar" thing and kthxbai give me an idea of your personality. The former also WOULD attract me, tho maybe more as someone who also judges others on their grammar than as an educated person. Guess it depends who you want to attract.
posted by ClarissaWAM at 1:26 AM on June 15, 2012

Maybe start with a few really positive things, include a quirk or two, but make most of it positive. You are probably really nice to be around and really attractive, but it's so easy for people to keep clicking. You might like to include some things you can do for others (I'm good with massage, make great crepes, or whatever) or a few more interests which make it easy for people to strike up a conversation.

Good luck. : )
posted by inkypinky at 2:12 AM on June 15, 2012

Gay guy (a bit older) here.

Your profile is fine, but it's kind of clever-clever for me. Yes, I see where you're coming from, and maybe it's a function of age, but I'd rather you give some heartfelt answers to some of these questions (as trite as they might be) than talk about why "kthxbai" is your favorite hipster phrase. Who are you? I get nothing but the "trying too hard to impress me" version.

I'd take down the second photo, because it's blurry and you're making a face that doesn't show off your cute qualities as well as the others.

"Gay things I don't get" is offensive in a way that only judgmental gay guys (usually younger) tend to put in profiles. It probably won't turn off anyone you want to date, but you may want to just put it away for a bit. You don't have to get everything, and the things you list aren't necessarily "gay," anyway.
posted by xingcat at 4:24 AM on June 15, 2012 [4 favorites]

I get nothing but the "trying too hard to impress me" version.

Yes. You seem like an adorable person who is quite defensive and therefore judgmental, and hence off-putting to many. Although of course you want to weed out people who aren't smart/hip enough for you, you might have narrowed your net too much. (the Jackie Brown thing, for example, is implying, "no matter what you say I will find fault with you.")

And I agree that the second and third pictures present you poorly.
posted by DMelanogaster at 5:34 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

20-something-gay (previously provided my own old OkCupid profile) chiming in to say:

- Negativity. Have you seen the "Douchebags of Grindr" tumblr recently? It is kind of hilaribad. But I have a lot of sympathy for the guys. They (and you) are trying to be witty and pithy, and very very often we gays accidentally end up being judgmental and rude. Oops. It isn't a personality flaw. Try being witty without the judgment. Nobody wants to be judged. Anyway, that's the super long way of saying, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. And right now, your profile is full of piss and vinegar.

- But most importantly: I still feel like I don't really know much about you after reading your profile. You finally get to the real personality toward the very end, when you challenge and engage your readers. And of course by then, they've stopped reading. You don't have to MOVE those, but you do need to rethink the way you answer questions so that your readers are drawn into your answers. (If you look at the narrative I wrote for my profile, there is a lot of sensory stuff in there that is meant to really engage the reader in a little bit of fantasy. I think that's how I managed to get away with such a long opening section of my profile.) Also, there's not a TON to work with in your profile. So what am I going to write to you about? What's the "something interesting" that will give someone the hook to write you a good message? Jackie Brown? That's a fairly narrow window of opportunity. The airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Ok. Fine. It is a little in-jokey (but only in the most vague nerdy way). You need to give more if you want to get more.

- Also, don't be afraid to put it out there that you're actually looking for a boyfriend. Sure, I know you're not trying to be "that guy" who is all "omg I wanna get gay married like yesterday and have 17 gaybies!!!" but you really need to state your intentions clearly.

- Finally, if you are interested in a relationship, then you need to consider a paid site. okcupid is fine for meeting people, okay for hooking up, good for making friends, and in my experience not so amazing for finding people who want relationships. I've said it before, and I'll said it again: okcupid is free, and you get what you pay for. The buy-in is really low, so the userbase is really not necessarily committed to finding a relationship. A lot of folks are just there, seeing what is out there and that's as interested as they're going to get. (Conversely, I joined match.com and within a month had met a wonderful guy. We've been together for a year and a half now and we're moving in together in a couple weeks after we go for a lengthy vacation in Europe together!)
posted by jph at 5:40 AM on June 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

I still feel like I don't really know much about you after reading your profile.

THIS. It's a funny thing--it seems like you're being forthcoming, but right. You're actually not. So reading your profile is like "Oh, hot guy! Hmm. Not sure... what he... AH HA."

The thing that puts me off is "I'm working at a talent/literary agency." It feels like you're saying "yeah I work at this place I don't care about and sorta phoning it in and I have some secret OTHER interest/life goal that I'm not mentioning here at all because screw you people."

I wouldn't expect much from OK Cupid either. A lot of it is drive-by. So I wouldn't fuss too much with this profile except as training wheels for other profiles. You're a fox (said in a friendly, non-lecherous way!); you'll be fine.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 5:51 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

Queer lady here. I really like your profile. It's a great profile overall.

I like your photos, though I'd get rid of the blurry one, and perhaps add a full body one (fully clothed, doing something active if possible). The "speak softly and full of passion" is a bit odd, but I'm just being nitpicky and it wouldn't stop me from messaging you.
posted by insectosaurus at 7:15 AM on June 15, 2012

Ok I have one teeny, tiny, nitpicky comment. You say you judge people for their grammar. Ok, fine, not my favorite sentiment but I get it. Then you go on to say, a few sentences later, "...I don't plan ever to leave". I rolled my eyes. What I learned about you from those two things put together is that you want to be all snobby and elitist about grammar, but you don't actually have a 100% firm grasp on the finer stylistic points of elegant, well-written English. Instead, you cling to fake grammar rules that you learned in school as, basically, a class marker. I think this is the grammar angle of the "trying a bit too hard" problem that others have identified in other parts of your profile.

I admit it's a minor point, but hey, I once went on a date with a guy who studiously refused to strand a single preposition for the entire hour we talked. I didn't call him back, and that was why.

Also, while we're judging grammar, can we go with "speak softly and passionately"? I honestly think one of the reasons people are picking up on it as being odd is the grammatical, or at least stylistic, uneasiness of coordinating an adverb and an adjective phrase.
posted by ootandaboot at 7:23 AM on June 15, 2012 [8 favorites]

Gay guy here. Grew up in the midwest, lives in Los Angeles.

Fix your hair. You're cute, but there's no excuse for four pictures that make you look like you go to Supercuts and never use product.

Question! Do you want tips on meeting guys through OKCupid, or meeting guys in general? One of my best friends is your age and I've been watching him find his way through the dating scene in the past year. He's attractive and talented etc etc etc, and hasn't had much luck through OKCupid. But he is doing quite well just socializing with guys he meets at bars. Akbar has been great for him.
posted by roger ackroyd at 7:31 AM on June 15, 2012

As a fellow grammar snob, I think it's fine to say that up front. There are enough word-and-emoticon salad profiles on OKCupid that like-minded people will consider you a relief.

"Way too trusting" combined with "I speak softly and full of passion" makes me think of someone overly earnest, possibly naive. (When people say the word "passion," in my brain it translates into either "I'm super earnest" or "I'm trying to impress someone.") I think people are jumping on that sentence because "passion" is such a vague word, and in some contexts it can be a non-compliment, kind of like "intense" or "unusual."

The "message me if" response would put me off. The Jackie Brown thing reads like a homework assignment, like you've got a YOU'RE WRONG!!!1! response in your brain and are just waiting for someone to unleash it on. Do you want dates or debates? A lot of people are just not into arguing for fun. If it's a non-negotiable quality in a partner, keep it, but I'd wonder if you'd have a tendency to derail sexy banter with inconsequential Comic Book Guy-style arguments.

You know what would be an awesome "message me if" answer for you? Tell people to point out grammatical errors in your profile. That way you're encouraging fellow grammar snobs, starting the discussion out on the intellectual note you seem to crave, and admitting that you're not perfect.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:41 AM on June 15, 2012 [3 favorites]

(straight guy) I'd ditch the second picture. It's blurred and makes you look puffy, which is not the case according to the other pictures.
posted by ersatz at 7:44 AM on June 15, 2012

Straight girl here so grain of salt etc.

1. You are super cute. You're going to do fine. But if you're serious about finding a boyfriend, it probably makes sense to use a paid site.

2. I do kind of feel like your profile leans too much towards trivia and testiness. (Kthxbai? Movies you don't *actually* love but want to argue about anyway? Why?) It doesn't provide any hooks to an actual pleasant conversation most people would want to have. Discussing "kthxbai", really?

3. But I also don't feel like this profile has any super creepy or offputting things in it. Pics could be better, but again, cute as they are. (Perhaps you want to listed to the gay gentleman upthread more than to me though?)

Good luck!
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:46 AM on June 15, 2012

Straight lady here. Love your profile, love your pics. You're adorable! Can't find anything wrong with it/you. Your problem is either

A) in your interaction with the site/people, as mentioned upthread

B) in your pissing off your intended audience. I think I'd nix the 'things I don't get...' line. And also maybe put up some pics that show your body more.

My bet is on A), though, profile is way above average.
posted by The Toad at 7:51 AM on June 15, 2012

Your profile is fine. You need to message more people.

When I'm writing to women and I'm serious about meeting people, I'll write something like 10 a day. And even though I tend to get more inbound messages from guys than girls, I still can't rely on the cute ones to do the legwork for me.

Also, when you're more active on the site (tinkering with your profile, writing messages to people) you show up more in "special blend" and the front page activity feed, and more people see your profile as a result of that.
posted by modernserf at 7:53 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

I ought to start with saying that you do seem tres adorbs. I think the "keys" and "heart" as verbs joke is totally cute, though it could use some refining. While I think people have a point about your "message me if" section being more argument-y than discuss-y, I do like the fact that you set up conversations you're interested in having; if I were going to write to you I would know what to say, and that's often a problem for me.

I don't think there's ever any reason to say in a written profile that you're a "grammar snob". The thing is, it's a written profile. Your command of written English is on display. And, as ootandaboot alludes, rigidity in grammar -- especially clinging tightly to non-colloquial pseudo-Latinate structures -- tells me more about your social class than about your love of clear English communication. (For more on this topic, you might read David Foster Wallace's "Authority and American Usage", collected in Consider the Lobster.)

42. Okay, here's the thing -- HHGttG is quirky science fiction, and kinda unlike anything else out there. It appeals to a unique place in people's hearts, including a lot of people who don't usually respond much to the written word. The novel has sold 14 million copies. When you tell me that you like HHGttG, you've told me almost nothing, except that you can read a book. And you don't even list Douglas Adams as a favorite author. If you *do* read quirky fantastical humorists (Adams, Pratchett, Christopher Moore), you'd be better off listing (even better, discussing) them in your books section.

Positivity. I don't know why it's so hard to write a positive profile -- so many seem to struggle with both self-deprecation and "here's who I'm not interested in". You have to imagine that your ideal partner -- someone who thinks you're the BEST -- is reading your profile. What do you want that person to know about you? Forget everyone else.
posted by endless_forms at 9:25 AM on June 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm a guy in your demographic and I've perused many an OkCupid profile of the men of Los Angeles. One thing I like about OkC is the concentration of (potentially) eligible guys, who I otherwise wouldn't run into on a day-to-day basis. The trade off is lots of browsing, lots of unsuccessful messages, and a need for patience. Recently, I've made an effort not to get too tied up in messaging. Brevity is good - if they seem promising, try meeting up.

What I notice in your profile is that you seem like a friendly, relaxed, not terribly scene-y guy (except for a preoccupation with what is classified therein), all pluses in my book. Your third photo comes across as vaguely overbearing; I agree with others that a shot of you doing something would be a good swap.

To that end, I come away without knowing what you like to do. What does "being active" mean for you? Tell me about an adventure!

(And on preview, I second endless_forms about positivity.)
posted by Mr Yak at 9:52 AM on June 15, 2012

42. Okay, here's the thing -- HHGttG is quirky science fiction, and kinda unlike anything else out there. It appeals to a unique place in people's hearts, including a lot of people who don't usually respond much to the written word. The novel has sold 14 million copies. When you tell me that you like HHGttG, you've told me almost nothing, except that you can read a book. And you don't even list Douglas Adams as a favorite author. If you *do* read quirky fantastical humorists (Adams, Pratchett, Christopher Moore), you'd be better off listing (even better, discussing) them in your books section.

I just want to categorically disagree with this. The books you discuss are a bit high literary and (dare I say?) pretentious. A knowledge of Hitchhikers shows that you have a sense of humor and are open to geek culture things, not just high culture things.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:11 PM on June 17, 2012