Stupid Drama: what the hell?
June 13, 2012 8:57 PM Subscribe
Conflict with friend's partner: do I pull out of this commitment, or am I overreacting? (petty and annoying) details inside.
posted by jrochest to human relations (42 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
A friend of long standing is being called to the Bar, and she and her girlfriend have asked me to come to her Call ceremony: I've said yes. My friend's mother (who doesn't like her girlfriend) is visiting for the week to attend the Call, and my friend's girlfriend has asked me to spend the morning with them, partly to buffer any conflict. We've arranged to go to the Picasso exhibit at the Art gallery, to lunch, and then to the ceremony; I got the tickets, as I have a membership and can get guest passes. All is fine, at this point.
Then I mentioned that I would be biking to the gallery to meet them -- the easiest way to do this, as my house is a 15 minute bike ride from the gallery but about 45 minutes on unreliable transit. The girlfriend is insisting that I not bike, but that I take transit or a cab instead, for a series of reasons -- the event is dressy; she wants the three of us to take a cab to the ceremony together rather than meeting there; she wants me to carry all the stuff she's got to bring for both her and her partner, because her shoulder is painful and the mother has a bad knee; I'll have to help the mother, who will need to lean on someone who can't be the girlfriend (bad shoulder); there's no place to park the bike; I'll have no place to put my bike helmet, etc, etc. Some of these make sense (sticking together) others much less (helmets fit under theatre seats, and I bike in heels and fancy clothes all the time) and others are just annoying -- like the argument that I need to be around to be the packmule/unpaid help.
It wasn't until I said that I would leave the bike at the gallery, take a cab with them to the ceremony and go back to get it afterwards, when I go home -- that it became apparent that they also want me to come to dinner after the ceremony, which extends the day well into the evening. They've not decided where dinner will be -- it could be downtown, where the Call is, which would be fine, or it could be in their neighborhood, which is badly serviced by transit at night and would stick me with a 50.00 cab ride home. I mostly want to bike because it's the fastest way to get there, but it also gives me a courteous out if they want to drag me someplace inaccessible.
This idiot detail is causing a complete meltdown, and I'm not even sure if they want me to come at this point. The last email I got involved a flouncy insistence that they'd buy tickets for the exhibition themselves.
I'm bristling over this because this is the third time in a year that I've had unreasonable drama with these women -- mostly because the girlfriend has a history of being stupidly controlling, usually over details. While I'm more than happy to help the girlfriend with her mother-in-law and to attend my friend's Big Event, it seems utterly unreasonable to allow them to tell me how I'm supposed to get there. I'm royally pissed at this point.
Am I being unreasonable? Do I suck it up and take cabs?