Moved back home, depressed. Where do I go now?
June 13, 2012 11:55 AM Subscribe
I'm trapped in an untennable situation and am unsure how to get out. After leaving school for medical/depression related issues, I've been forced to move back home with my family. I have a couple of options that look somewhat promising in terms of escaping, but I'm paralyzed and don't know which way to go. Help? Typical snowflake stuff within.
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (7 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
So I spent two years at college and found it massively unpleasant. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, I was forced to live in the dorms regardless of the fact that I'm 26. That lead to me feeling isolated and unable to make friends. I'm visually impaired and dorms made the most financial sense thanks to government assistance. If I'd lived somewhere off campus I'd have had limited aid opportunities. I thought it wise to aim for as little debt as possible. So I felt socially unfulfilled, and if you mix that with a general disdain for structured environments it creates a pretty intense mix of depression and frustration. I did fine initially, but over the two year period I became more depressed and my GPA started to plunge.
Fast forward to spring semester of this year. I was in therapy but still hadn't attended classes in at least a month. Started on Lexapro. Between therapy and meds I thought things were improving, but they weren't. Had a girlfriend that helped keep me at least a touch positive, but that collapsed. I really wasn't in any position to be dating anyone so it's okay in retrospect. However, that also piled on the stress. Between a low GPA, the breakup, frustration with my place in life,and severe depression I had a huge breakdown that culminated in my being placed in psychiatric care for a couple of days. I wasn't suicidal, but some good simeritans took it upon themselves to try to get me help. I did make some remarks. At the time I thought I wanted to end things but I was definitely being melodramatic and those sort of gestures are way out of character for me. The effort was appreciated, but it only made things worse. Now I've got medical bills unpaid, school bills unpaid, a serious lack of transportation and autonomy, static with my family, a load of self-loathing, and a seriously bleak outlook for my future. I went off the Lexapro and do not currently have a therapist.Those services were provided by the school and as I am no longer a student I can't use them. Facilities are limited where I live. Also, visually impaired so I can't drive. My sister is 31 and doesn't have a license. My mother has a junk-heap of a vehicle and cannot drive far enough to get me to some kind of facility. I feel trapped and terrified.
So here are my options as I see them. Feel free to propose new ones, shoot down some, recommend one of them, or whatever.
1. There is an organization in my state that aids the visually impaired in independence. They do everything from job placement to helping find residence to teaching clients to cook. It's pretty comprehensive. This is probably the right answer, but it is also the most uncomfortable for me. Chalk it up to pride and fear. To take advantage of it I'd have to work through vocational rehabilitation. They provided the lion's share of funding for my schooling and I'm anxious about dealing with them. I don't have the best councilor in the world. He wasn't clear with me about some policies. Over the last couple of years that's lead to some strife between us. So to do this I'd have to go to him and first explain that I've wasted a profound amount of public money on school. Then I'd have to ask for more. The program is something like six months worth of my time and would definitely get me out of here. I know it's pathetic but I'm scared to death of making that step.
2. I've played around with the idea of working from home to build up some funds. I'm unsure of what that might involve. My only marketable skill is writing. I've started looking at markets, going rates, and books on the craft itself. I certainly have an indefinite amount of time to work with this if I so choose. I'm not certain how conducive this environment would be to working, but I'm willing to take a shot at if if there's a snowball's chance in hell of my success.
Those are the only two options I've been able to throw together. I feel really lost here. Where do I go? Is there some other option I've not thought of? Is there something I can do to build my confidence in general so that I'm not so scared and anxious? I understand this is all a little unfocused, but I'm a total mess. I'm stuck working through each individual day without any greater view of my future. Where do I start to put all the pieces back together?
TL;DR: Dropped out of school due to depression. Blindness leaves me feeling trapped. Back at home in an unpleasant situation and needing some direction to get my life back on track. I'm 26 and male from the US for what that matters.