How do I deal with someone who may have helped me, to good end, against my will?

June 11, 2012 11:08 PM

I applied to speak at a conference based on a paper I wrote, and was invited to further write a paper for another journal. I had told one of my co-workers I was applying for that conference. She's well-connected and high-up, and knew the conference organizer. Upon hearing of my submission, she said, "Oh, let me talk to the organizer. I'm sure we can get you in." I told her it wasn't necessary, but she's earnest and probably did it anyway. I don't know if I was accepted my own merit, or because she influenced someone, or a mixture. Should I give her a gift? I'm naive and would rather not be an ingrate.
posted by saperlipopette to Society & Culture (12 answers total)

she wouldn't refer you if you didn't have merit. If later in your career you speak up for a junior colleague, will you want a gift? I think probably not.

Pop round her office, let her know you were accepted, and about the offer re the paper, thank her for her support, and let her share the pleasure of your well earned success. That is the real joy of giving a reference.
posted by chapps at 11:31 PM on June 11, 2012 [17 favorites]

Having given references, I've never expected more than a "thank you".

Gifts are nice, though. I really don't think you'll go "wrong" either way.
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 11:40 PM on June 11, 2012

I like what chapps answered but I'd add one thing -- if, when you thank her for her support, if she indicates that yes, she did talk to someone in your favor, then a gift might be in order; I think that it is. Needn't be expensive but if any it would have to be nice. Or even if just a card -- a beautiful card -- that would be a nice touch.
posted by dancestoblue at 11:47 PM on June 11, 2012

If this is academia and if I were your co-worker, I'd be pretty taken aback to be given a gift. It would feel a bit like you thought I had done it for the quid pro quo, and would make me feel squidgy about doing something similar in the future.

So, I second what chapps said. She recommended you because she thought you'd be a good fit for the conference. Tell her you were accepted, thank her, and pay it forward by recommending good junior colleagues when you find yourself in a position to do so.
posted by forza at 12:08 AM on June 12, 2012 [9 favorites]

Best answer: Don't give her a gift, but do keep her updated on this work (that is a sort of gift anyways). Some day pay the favor forward (in some form, not necessarily so directly if you prefer) to a junior colleague.

Also, the role of influence in academia is very often non-trivial no matter what direct communications there are, even in supposedly double blind situations. We are all embedded in a network of groups, affiliations, and obligations, and this is often implicitly a factor in judgments of quality, especially in cases like conference submissions where there might be just an abstract. I suppose you could choose to be bothered by this (and people do), but I wouldn't.
posted by advil at 2:00 AM on June 12, 2012 [8 favorites]

Seconding forza. I wouldn't even think of back-channel conference invite politicking as a personal favour; one responsibility of senior people is to make sure that their junior colleagues end up at the right conferences at the right point in their career. It is a completely normal part of the process. Gift-giving isn't involved.

Absolutely let her know if you get accepted and thank her for her support.
posted by Pre-Taped Call In Show at 2:37 AM on June 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Congratulations!

You might want to drop by and thank her in person around lunch time. Then invite her to lunch. It doesn't have to be a big deal, and it's not strictly a gift. But it's a nice thing to do for a colleague who, even if she had no influence at all on getting you accepted at the conference, went the extra mile for you.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:37 AM on June 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

I was on the organizing committee of a large international symposium a few years back. I was shocked at the time to see the academic program coordinator literally accept 95% of all the abstracts submitted into the program. Trust me, there were some pretty AWFUL paper abstracts submitted, but almost all of them were accepted almost immediately.

When it came down to it, the program coordinator was concerned more with having paying butts in the seats and a varied program than he was with maintaining some ulta-high standard for acceptance.

Since that experience I have helped organize several smaller local conferences and have presented at a few myself, and the same loose selection process seemed to hold true for all of them. From my experience, it seems to be pretty standard.

What I'm basically trying to say is consider yourself in on your own merit. Good luck prepping for the conference!
posted by Kevtaro at 6:04 AM on June 12, 2012

What I'm basically trying to say is consider yourself in on your own merit.

Oh, and I don't mean to imply that your abstract/application was of poor quality. A sincere "thank you" to your friend should be more than enough.
posted by Kevtaro at 6:07 AM on June 12, 2012

I've been in the role of recommending people to conference organizers before (including some mefites!) and have neither expected nor received gifts for this. People who are connectors enjoy connecting people - if it works out, the conference will better for your participation and the organizers will think well of her for suggesting you, which is generally all the reward one seeks with this sort of thing.
posted by judith at 9:23 AM on June 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Since you don't actually know if she did anything, if what, but she's clearly interested in your work, I think just letting herk now that you were accepted and thanking her for offering her support is enough.
posted by sm1tten at 10:20 AM on June 12, 2012

Herk = her. Haha.
posted by sm1tten at 10:20 AM on June 12, 2012