What's his issue?
June 10, 2012 1:54 PM Subscribe
New boyfriend is already irritable towards me?
posted by Chelsaroo650 to human relations (44 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I have been dating this guy exclusively for two weeks. In the beginning, we would talk on the phone nearly every night and he was quite enthusiastic. We met on a dating site. We loved talking to each other and then met in person, things were still great. He deleted his profile before I even deleted mine. I felt like things were moving in such a positive direction.
I was seeing him 2-3 times a week and staying over. He seemed okay with it. Then, out of nowhere he started being short in text messages, not texting me first anymore, not calling really. So somehow we got on the topic of when we'd see each other again and he says "we'll be together soon enough :)" and so I proceeded to ask him if we were on for the next day, like we had planned since it would be about 4 days since we saw each other and he was like "I'd rather not." He later explained because his roommate had a friend over and that he did not think we would have much privacy. I thought this was a dumb excuse.
Then all the sudden he tells me he doesn't want me staying over because I distract him from getting to work on time (which he has that issue a lot just by himself). He started saying he did not want to text all day because between his mom, sister, and me, that was just too much talking for him. He said he needed his alone time. His sister is like a second girlfriend practically, they're together more than we are... don't know what to make of it but he's received two calls on two separate occasions while I was there from his mom or his sister.
I ended up seeing him on the day originally intended after I told him how I felt and thought that he was being distant already and it was alarming to me this was happening so soon when we have just started actually being boyfriend and girlfriend. I asked him if he was having second thoughts, he said no. I'm not so sure though. He is big into his painting and is a talented artist, so I know he is going to need his alone time for that, but I feel like he has some sort of issues because he has said he will spend lengthy amounts of time isolated from everyone he knows. I have a great time when we are together; smiling, laughing, happy, he's considerate, and he has a lot of the qualities I value in a guy. What is alarming me is this sudden "go away" vibe he's giving me.
I think he's partially afraid that I will consume his "creative time." I don't want to do that, I know that is important to him and personal. Perhaps this is just something I will need to become acquainted with. He, himself, says he goes through high and low periods... What alarmed me the other night was the way he asked me to go home. He was tired and I had heard him say so plus I had to drive home and he had work in the morning. I perhaps got carried away talking and all of the sudden he says "Chelsea, you really need to go home. See, this is the type of thing that gets on my nerves!" I was taken aback at this. He said "my other girlfriend used to stay, and stay... and stay. That bugged me. I wasn't saying you were bugging me." What I pointed out to him was, that if my behavior was reminiscent of her's it did not matter if she did that, too... the fact was it annoyed him both times with the same people and therefore he called me annoying and I felt like I was unwelcome and was shocked he was so irritated ALREADY.
I stormed out of his house and he ran after me, apologizing but I was already annoyed with him because why the hell should I have to put up with that kind of rudeness from him this early on? That was my logic. I wasn't being rude to him, why should he think it's okay to act that way? He repeatedly told me I was "overreacting" but being told I got on his nerves on top of being told not to stay over, not to come over that night, and not to text him "excessively" (which I wasn't, I don't send repeat texts if he doesn't reply, I don't text all day I have a full time job) it was seriously pissing me off, excuse my French. As many have told me on here, "good relationships don't take this much work" or "it shouldn't be this hard, this soon." I am shocked at the change of events and he has made me feel similar to the days of the last serious boyfriend I had who constantly put me on a roller coaster ride and I don't like that feeling! Not one bit... it's a red flag to me.
Yet at the end of the day, we still have a good time together. It's so disheartening... I feel maybe I'm letting my old memories interfere to the point where I am angry about what has previously happened in relation to the similarities now... am I overreacting or is this BS?