Dreading getting back into the dating game.
June 10, 2012 12:07 AM Subscribe
First date after a breakup. I am dreading it, and getting back into the dating game in general. I've never felt this way before. Has anyone ever experienced this before? Does jumping back into the dating game help these feelings go away, or would I be better off waiting until I feel excited about dating again?
posted by tokaidanshi to Human Relations (14 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me about 4 months ago. I'll have my first date since the breakup tomorrow, and I am dreading it! It's an OKCupid date, so we've never met, and she actually asked me out, I'd set up the profile but I haven't been actively looking for dates.
I've been in a few serious relationships before, and gone through a few breakups. In the past, I've come out of the breakup feeling ready to date again and find someone new. I've actually gone on dates arranged through a dating website before, and one of them even ended up being someone I dated for about a year. Previously, before a date like this, I've been a little nervous but also had a sense of excitement and a sense of optimism.
But this time, the idea of dating again is hard to wrap my head around. I can't imagine going through the whole process of building a relationship with a new person all over again. I know a date is just a date, not a commitment, but you need to have at least some hope that it might lead to bigger and better things, right?
I think these feelings are pretty closely connected to my last relationship. This last relationship was definitely the most serious I've been in and I really didn't want it to end. I was planning on asking her to marry me. I thought I'd left the dating game far behind, and that was more than fine with me. I turned 30 not that long ago. Most of my 20s were a fairly tumultuous decade, but in the last year or so, I'd started to feel like I was coming into my own and finding some sense of stability in my life. My girlfriend as a large part of that. This breakup has left me feeling really unsettled again.
Anyway, that relationship is definitely done, so I figure I should get out there and try again eventually. The girl who asked me out tomorrow actually seems like a nice girl, but for whatever reason, I am dreading getting out there again. Has anyone else started dating when they really didn't feel like dating? Did it help to get out there, or did it just suck? Would I maybe be better off waiting until I actually feel excited about dating again?