How do I know if breastfeeding is right for us?
June 5, 2012 8:03 PM   Subscribe

How do I decide if breastfeeding is the right choice?

I'm pregnant! Yay! In the course of discussing things with my husband, we discovered that we had differing assumptions about whether I was going to breastfeed.

I've done some googling, but pretty much everything I've found seems to be people who are fanatical about the issue. Where can I go to see reasoned arguments on both sides?

I know that there are some immunities that have been said to be passed down through breast milk (although I really don't understand how that's possible), and I know that people say it is important for attachment, but what I know most is that I don't know anything at all about the subject.

Anecdotes and opinions are welcome, but I'd love to see studies, if there are any. Pros? Cons? Things to consider that maybe I haven't? (We also haven't decided how soon I will be going back to work.)
posted by Night_owl to Health & Fitness (65 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: It's much cheaper than formula.
posted by mr_roboto at 8:14 PM on June 5, 2012 [6 favorites]


In your googling, have you actually found people who are against breast feeding?
posted by RustyBrooks at 8:15 PM on June 5, 2012 [16 favorites]


Best answer: Aside from studies and so on, one point I can make is that you can try breastfeeding when the baby is born and see if it works for you - and if it doesn't, go to bottlefeeding. But if you start out bottlefeeding, you can't change your mind and go back to breastfeeding (well, you can, maybe, with a LOT of effort; but if you don't use it, your milk dries up).

So there's that.

The AAP recommends breastfeeding.
posted by flex at 8:16 PM on June 5, 2012 [9 favorites]


This is one of those subjects where people are CRAZY. You'll probably do well to talk to your ob or midwife.

That said, I did breastfeed and the only cons were some soreness at the beginning and how it was annoying to find someplace when we were out where i felt comfortable. It is cheaper than formula, you don't have to wash bottles, lots of health benefits for baby and OMG it helps you lose weight so fast.

Here are a few google scholar results that might interest you.
posted by Nickel Pickle at 8:16 PM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


It's good for the baby but no matter what the studies say what is most important is do you want to do it? The first few weeks of breast feeding can be difficult so if you are ambivalent bear that in mind. I have done both breastfeeding and formula feeding and either way the baby gets fed.


The dirty diapers are much less stinky with nursing so there is that.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:16 PM on June 5, 2012 [7 favorites]


OK, trying to dig up some studies for you. These are all review articles with free full text.

- Breastfeeding and allergy review: proven protective against atopic dermatitis, other links are not yet clear.
- Systematic review providing evidence of breastfeeding's protective effect against breast cancer.
- A meta-analysis shows that breastfeeding is associated with significantly higher scores for cognitive development.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:17 PM on June 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Pros: Once you get it down (usually after 4-6 weeks), it's so much easier than schlepping bottles and formula everywhere, or making bottles in the middle of the night. It's cheap! It's a quick way to soothe an unhappy baby (or toddler, in my case). If you have a sensitive kid, you won't have to experiment with which formula doesn't upset their tummy.

Cons: The first month was hard. So hard. There was pain in latching because his mouth was very tiny, and there was nothing to be done except wait for him to grow. Sometimes babies can be sensitive to what you're eating, and you might have to do an elimination diet to figure out what it is. If/when you do go back to work, pumping can be difficult and annoying.

I'd encourage you to sit in on some La Leche League meetings. My local group has been an invaluable resource to me, and this may vary from place to place, but they're not all "fanatics." It has been most helpful to me to be able to see and talk with actual women nursing, and juggling all the other responsibilities of life, instead of just reading books about how it should be.

My son will be 20 months old this month, and he still nurses a few times a day. It's a nice way to reconnect and get some snuggles in after he's been running around like a crazy person all day.
posted by chiababe at 8:19 PM on June 5, 2012 [7 favorites]


You have Baby Night_owl and you do what's best for the two of you. That's it.

Maybe you breastfeed while you have the time out of work, and switch to formula later. Maybe you find that latching issues are preventing you from enjoying the time you have together. Maybe you decide to attachment parent until Baby N_o weans. Whatever. Do what works for you. It's okay no matter what.
posted by Ruki at 8:20 PM on June 5, 2012 [8 favorites]




I don't know that most people are fanatical. People do get defensive of their own choice (as they do with most parenting decisions) In choosing to breastfeed my child, I did it mostly for the health benefits - evolution has spent millennia perfecting my milk's ability to provide nutrition and protection to my child - why would I opt out?

Also: 1. It is cheap. Free food!
2. It is convenient - I always have (free!) food ready to go, with me, at the right temperature. When faced with a hungry baby I do not have to measure, mix, boil, or sterilize. The first 4-6 weeks can really be painful as the two of you figure it out, but the ease afterwards is oh so worth it.
3. It is healthier for me! Here is a really interesting Scientific American article on benefits to the mom.

But really, it is about doing what is best for your whole family. Breastfeeding was overwhelmingly the right decision for mine.
posted by munichmaiden at 8:23 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


All right I have no more time to hunt studies, but I wanted to add:

The way breastfeeding confers immunity against infections is because antibodies are directly transmitted in breast milk from the mother to the baby. The biggest bang for your buck comes from the colostrum, the milk you get in the first few days of breastfeeding. Thus, if you decide that you don't want to breastfeed, you could compromise by ensuring you have breastfeed the first few days to get the benefit of the colostrum.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:29 PM on June 5, 2012 [6 favorites]


Anecdotal: My wife breastfed until postpartum depression made it apparent we (all) would be better off with her taking care of herself first - Medication is not necessarily friendly with breastfed infants. Kids are resilient and will survive whether you breastfeed them or give them formula. With that said, for the mother, the effect of sleep deprivation, the isolation of having a newborn, raging hormones and a whole host of other things can legitimately outweigh the benefits of long-term breastfeeding.

Ideally, breastfeed, but pay attention to your complete health and be ready to play every situation by ear.
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:29 PM on June 5, 2012 [10 favorites]


I really never found most breastfeeding moms to be fanatical when I did it many yeas ago. And it looks like several people have pointed you in the directions of some scientific evidence for nursing. I have never seen any evidence against it.
I highly recommend taking a class in breast feeding if it is offered by your local hospital- that really helped me with the difficult first month. My girls each nursed through toddlerhood and it saved a lot of money and was very convenient, even when I worked part time. Do what feels best, but I think you need to remember that when you make a decision to have a baby you really need to think of baby first. Just my opinion.
posted by Isadorady at 8:30 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hello, we have a seven month old, so recently have been through all this. Medically speaking, the jury is in that breast feeding for at least six months - all other things being equal - is better for the health of your child, and some aspects of the mother's health (see cancer link), than not.

HOWEVER, all things are very rarely equal. Some babies take to the boob with little fuss, some really fight it; some nipples seem built for feeding; some seems built for, well, other stuff.

Whilst society is very happy to tote up the benefits of a given activity for a baby's health, the focus is rarely on the health (mental and otherwise), stress levels, and needs of the mother. You will have needs as a mother, just as you have them now, please don't fall prey to the popular discourse that only a bad mother puts their needs first and must subsume themselves wholly to baby. It's a destructive and vicious discourse that was certainly in part responsible post-natal depression of people I love.

Additionally, something I was wholly unprepared for as a parent was the maelstrom of judgment I would be stepping into. It will feel like everyone, parents, friends, family - perfect strangers! - will be passing judgment on your parenting when you have a baby, and that any struggles you face will be the result of some deficiency, rather than the simple fact of having a newborn baby can be really fucking hard.

So, medically-speaking, breast feeding is pretty much uniformly recommended by doctors, nurses, and hospitals for good reasons. But please, please don't feel any bullshit like you are failing as a mother or holding your child back if you have difficulty in breastfeeding and end up using a bottle. Formula-fed babies have made healthy, successful, vibrant adults all over the world. Medical benefits are great and all, but having a happy mother, happy family and happy baby is also important. Make informed decisions to do what works for you, and you'll be fine. Good luck, it's gonna be fun!

fyi, our baby was/is breast-fed, but if my partner decided on formula I would have 100% okay with it.
posted by smoke at 8:31 PM on June 5, 2012 [18 favorites]


I think you need to remember that when you make a decision to have a baby you really need to think of baby first.

Just to weigh back in: sometimes the best way of doing this is making sure that you as a mother are looking after yourself and your needs, too, and putting yourself first. A depressed, unhappy mother doing all the "right" things, is not necessarily better than a non-depressed, happy mother, who does what works for her. Do what works for you.
posted by smoke at 8:36 PM on June 5, 2012 [19 favorites]


It strikes me that your main question is not, What should I decide, but HOW should I decide? I, too, am pregnant (and not for much longer, either) and have struggled with that question. For me, it was very important to talk about the issue with people I trust. This is one of those decisions where it seems that throwing yourself at the mercy of the Internet (even the fine folks at Metafilter) isn't really helpful- you get a lot (a LOT) of advice but how do you filter it? It's almost like a bad television show- the more you think about it, the more the things people say unravel and the less sense it all makes. I needed to be able to speak to people who were first and foremost supportive of ME and my family and not any particular agenda. Find those people and hold them close. Beyond that, I think you just have to trust yourself and know that whatever you will do will be both best and fine and you can't live your life for Other People. This is your chance to start practicing that wonderful Mom adage, "Because I said so, that's why".
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:54 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Agreeing that breast and formula feeding do not have to be mutually exclusive. In fact, a friend was breastfeeding exclusively and found that she wasn't producing enough milk for the baby so she has to supplement.

Also, there are studies that show breast is better. However, these studies rarely have control groups so they're not the best kind of studies. Women who breastfeed tend to come from higher socioeconomic classes than women who bottle-feed so it's hard to say where the health benefits are coming from. In studies where a woman breastfed her first child and formula fed the second child, which are pretty good studies because they control for class, the differences between the two children were negligible. I thought "The Case Against Breast-Feeding" by Hanna Rosin in The Atlantic was pretty compelling.

That all said, I haven't had kids and don't plan to soon. I think I'll try breastfeeding but if I find that it makes me miserable, I'll do something else. I doubt my baby would be happy if I'm not happy. That may sound self-centered but I want to be the best mother I can be and I think making feeding time a pleasant experience for both of us is one place to start. Best wishes, I'm sure whatever you choose will be fine.
posted by kat518 at 9:08 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I am objectively pro-breastfeeding. It's wonderful and good for the baby.

But it can be fucking hard, if you have problems. Some women don't! Some women really really do. Not living in villages anymore, we can't just ask friends/family/wet nurses to help us out, we have to use formula if we can't make it work.

There are physical (health), logistical (pumping doesn't work well and you need to go to work), and mental (the strain of trying to make it work feels like torture) reasons why it may not work. These might be avoided if you're lucky enough that your body has few problems, you don't have trouble negotiating the rest of your responsibilities, and you enjoy being able to do it. And if you're really lucky and have more support than just your spouse.

But you don't know where you are going to fall in those categories ahead of time. I absolutely believe that if we had better support for new moms, more women would breastfeed longer. But being one of those who couldn't (long boring health story) I absolutely don't judge women who don't. You have to work with the world and life your baby is born into, not the one you wish they were born into.

So I would say, decide a) how important it is to you and b) that you and only you will decide when the time comes how much effort to put into it if issues arise. Don't assume you can't do it, but cut yourself slack if you need it.

Either way, the baby will be fine. Mine just finished kindergarten and is learning to swim, with no more health problems than his breastfed cousins.
posted by emjaybee at 9:16 PM on June 5, 2012 [4 favorites]


Not directly answering your question but it seems like you are unsure about how to talk about the issues of breast feeding and returning to work with your husband. I get the feeling he thinks he should have an equal say, the same way you both decided where to live or what is for dinner. But this is a time where one person's needs trump the other person pretty much without exception, and in a healthy partnership that is a good thing. What YOU want/need must come first and his role is to support you. Later on, it will become more equitable; but if you need to take a year off work he has to make every effort to make that happen, if you want to nurse he has to support you. Both of you also should recognise that the truism "life happens when you make other plans" goes a hundred-fold around pregnancy/birth/babies. The best you can hope for is to have the resources, knowledge and good humour to take on all the challenges and achievements of the next 18 months or so.
posted by saucysault at 9:29 PM on June 5, 2012 [8 favorites]


some immunities that have been said to be passed down through breast milk (although I really don't understand how that's possible)

Just to help you with this - it's not that an immunity is given to the baby, but whatever antibodies YOU'RE producing are passed in breast milk. YOU have CELLS that produced antibodies, and different classes of antibodies are found in different fluids (blood, saliva, tears, breast milk). It's the antibodies that prevent disease (especially against things like toxins).

So like, if you were vaccinated against (or had), say, measles, and you come in contact with the measles virus again, you will begin producing antibodies against the virus, which will circulate through your bloodstream to keep you healthy, and also be passed to your infant through breast milk. However, these antibodies do not stay in the system indefinitely - YOUR cells are making more as needed, but for the first few months of life, your infant is getting its antibodies from YOU (because its immune cells are still forming).

In technical terms, you have an ACTIVE immunity (you have cell that are making the antibodies), and you are conferring a PASSIVE immunity to the infant (it's not making antibodies itself, but it still has them in its system).

Formula, obviously, would not have this benefit.

Breast milk also contains time-specific hormones - if you do decide to breastfeed and go with pumping, make sure you actually TIMEstamp your milk for best use. At night, when your body is producing melatonin and getting ready for sleep, that will also be in the breast milk and help put the infant to sleep. Likewise AM milk will contain "get up and go!" hormones, which you wouldn't want to give a baby right before bedtime.

I am, of course, speaking as a biologist, not a mother, and to the chemical make up of breast milk, not social impacts.

Between antibodies, hormones, human-specific proteins and fats, etc. breastfeeding is healthier for the baby, period.

However, you do need to think about what's best for you, too. When you go back to work, how much of a hassle breastfeeding is for you, etc. will all factor into your decision.

So how do you decide - well, I think mainly recognize that it's your personal choice, and there's not a "right" or "wrong" decision overall.
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 9:47 PM on June 5, 2012 [7 favorites]


At the risk of sounding fanatical :) , breast-feeding not only helps protects your baby from illness and raises his/her IQ, it also lowers your risk for breast cancer (Google it).
posted by zachawry at 9:52 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


The main things for me have been that its cheaper (formula is expensive!) and (after the initial learning process) easier to get out of the house without worrying about bottles and formula.
posted by HMSSM at 10:04 PM on June 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


We are 12.5 months into breast-feeding. There are a few thoughts I'd like to contribute;

Whatever you do, please make an informed decision. People cannot make you feel guilty for your choices later if you feel like you had solid reasons for the choices you've made.

Sit in (with your husband, this is KEY) on a breast-feeding class at the hospital, so that you both know what to expect.

Sit in on a couple of La Leche League meetings. These women are not breast-feeding nazis, as they are sometimes characterized, they are well-educated on the subject, but they are not judgemental. They recognize that every family makes the choices that work for them.

Get the phone number of one or two well recommended lactation consultants in your area, and also contact info for the La Leche League leaders. If you do decide to breastfeed but have trouble getting the hang of it in the first few days, ask for help early, most issues can be resolved with the help of experienced people.

Read the Kellymom and The Leaky B@@b facebook pages for good info and inspiration.

Two things that I want to highlight; someone up thread said you can try breasteeding and then go to formula if bf doesn't work for you, but not the other way around - this A MILLION TIMES. Breastfeeding is all supply and demand. If you don't work together with the baby to have your milk come in (ie have the baby latch often in the first few days), you may lose the opportunity to breastfeed. Also, breastfeeding is hard for some, but it isn't hard for everyone. Please don't be scared off by horror stories of how hard it is or that it hurts (it didn't hurt for me).

Oh, and don't let anyone tell you age is a factor either. I am over 40 and we haven't had to use formula. But I can top that - I have a friend who had an accidental late-in-life baby. I was with her just today and she is still nursing her 15-month-old. She is 50.
posted by vignettist at 11:22 PM on June 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


It is a total LIE that it is cheaper than formula unless your time has zero value. You will spend hours breastfeeding/pumping that only you can do, while formula is faster and more flexible. Breastmilk is not free.

You will almost certainly have pain issues at some point from cracked nipples, engorgement etc, and there is the psychological bump of going from "Boobs are sexyfun" to "Boobs feed babies" which can be hard.

I have breastfed and formula fed in public, and they're about equal for convenience. Formula is dead easy to carry and mix, and I can pass the baby to a sibling or partner to feed. Nursing, even in a sling, is physically more constrictive.

Breastfeeding is definitely healthier, but on an otherwise healthy baby, the difference is very slight. If your baby is a preemie or has health issues, it's worth the hassle (and personal productivity wise, you're trading the risk of time tending to a sick baby for time breastfeeding).

If you have a preemie, you must try breastfeeding. For preemies, breastfeeding has a proven and significant risk reduction for NEC, a horrible gastro-infection. You can get donated breastmilk if you can't.

Kellymom is fantastic and she's got the least amount of crazy in her pages. I found the LLL materials much more judgemental. Youtube videos were a huge help, more to me than the lactation nurses.

Plan on doing both until you figure out what you AND your baby prefer. It's easiest to start out with breastfeeding because that's when you're off work, your baby is most delicate and your hormones are all lined up to make the milk come through. Expect to nurse for a while, and expect to change your mind several times about it. Try pumping and bottle feeding expressed milk and see if that makes you want to try formula.

Some babies adore breastfeeding and won't settle for a bottle, other babies don't care. You can cuddle a baby just as much while you're bottlefeeding them as you can while breastfeeding.

I had problems producing enough milk due to physical issues. I am on domperidone now which has helped hugely, and I did the every 2-hour pumping, nursing holidays etc etc. My baby stayed skinny. The doctor said no formula. The baby got skinnier.

Finally, we were allowed a bottle (she was a sick preemie so I was nervous about going against doctor's advice) and she just tipped right over to fat and healthy. Now she nurses 4-5 times a day and has 4-5 bottles a day.

Nursing is awesome because it makes her happy and sleepy. She quite often pushes a bottle aside when she's crabby and only wants breastmilk. I nurse her when I go to the movies or during church services so she's quiet and happy (in a sling with a cover). Nursing definitely reduces the risk of ear infections and gastric issues.

Formula means my partner and kids can feed her too. I can go out without her for a while. She slurps down a bottle and breaks into a grin when she sees it held out to her. It means she's a fat and healthy baby, not a skinny sad one.

People who are judgemental about formula vs breastfeeding either way are judgemental about everything, so it's actually a useful way to tell if they're assholes to ignore.

It's an incredibly personal and specific decision to make.
posted by viggorlijah at 11:54 PM on June 5, 2012 [10 favorites]


Mod note: A couple of comments deleted. Either answer helpfully and civilly, or keep walking. Seriously. This will not become a debate space about breastfeeding.
posted by taz (staff) at 12:17 AM on June 6, 2012


The support (from the hospital and your doctors, your husband, your peers) you get around breast feeding will make a difference between whether or not it is something that can be done regularly and for long. The most important thing for you to do is to connect with your husband and other supports around what YOU want to try.

Here are some studies that have all the text about the role of supports:
http://www.internationalbreastfeedingjournal.com/content/4/1/15
www.who.int/nutrition/publications/evidence_ten_step_eng.pdf

The breast is a big deal in our culture - it has many meanings and a lot of power. Please try to unpack with yourself and your husband what it means to you - what are you concerned about? That he will be ignored, that sex will be weird, that the baby will be dependent on you? Go to a class at the hospital or go to a La Leche League meeting just to get some insights as to what the differences are so that you can make a plan for your family. There will come a time in the middle of night when you are dead tired and the baby is hungry and crying and you two need to be on the same page! Sounds like you are doing that with this question - keep the conversation going beyond data and into the realities of everyday.

No matter what you decide, congrats on your pregnancy and good luck.
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 12:17 AM on June 6, 2012


Even the formula companies admit in their commercials that breast milk is the better alternative. That might be required by the government (Canada), though. Congrats!
posted by backwards guitar at 2:32 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Whilst society is very happy to tote up the benefits of a given activity for a baby's health, the focus is rarely on the health (mental and otherwise), stress levels, and needs of the mother. You will have needs as a mother, just as you have them now, please don't fall prey to the popular discourse that only a bad mother puts their needs first and must subsume themselves wholly to baby. It's a destructive and vicious discourse that was certainly in part responsible post-natal depression of people I love.

I faced this several years ago when struggling with this and can attest to the truth. The worst part was when breastfeeding failed, I felt like I failed, and that others would judge me, and the worst part is that it was true, including my own mother. I am of a social circle where breastfeeding is pretty much mandatory. It was awful. I also know a woman who is carrying around a picture of her boob inflamed with mastitis so she can show people why she quit.

She is carrying around a picture of her breast. So she can show people. When they judge her.

I think TPS is right that this is really an issue that has to make sense for you and your life. Formula feeding, after a lot of misery and guilt and agonizing and crying and horrible, crushing depression as I struggled to breastfeed, turned out great for us. We are very equal in terms of the demands of our careers, time, and personalities, so the even split made easier by formula feeding was great for us and made us closer and co-parents in a way some couples I know are not. So it worked for us. But there are so many factors that made that make sense in our house that may not be true for you.

Four years out, the process of working through this and remembering it still causes me pain and Smoke's comment made me weepy with its kindness. If I could offer one piece of advice it's to go with it, find the thing that works for you (you might decide thing A going in and thing B afterwards) but whatever you do don't agonize or punish yourself or make this an unhappy process. My kid is healthy and smart, she's never sick and her logic is pretty rock solid. I think outside of a few edge cases, it does not make a major difference in the long term.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:50 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


How do I know if breastfeeding is right for us?

Try it? I'm not intending to be snarky, but deciding you're going to give it a go doesn't actually commit you to never bottle-feeding your child.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:05 AM on June 6, 2012 [10 favorites]


It is obviously different for everyone. For me the simple, maybe shallow reasons to recommend is that it was so easy. I had no pain and no problems with my children taking to it. It was there when they needed it, no middle of the night prep, really, it could not have been easier. I had gained a bit of weight during pregnancy and it was wonderful to watch the weight go from me to my baby. I didn't breast feed as long as I might have, about five months in each case. when I began to work I supplemented with formula and my kids quickly chose the fast feeding bottle over the breast. Really the only down side I see is that if there is a second parent in the picture it kind of excludes to your advantage.
posted by InkaLomax at 4:23 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


All else being equal, breastfeeding is a good idea. It's good for the baby and good for the mom. However, every baby is unique, as is every mom-baby breastfeeding relationship. If it works out for the both of you, then great; but if it doesn't, for whatever reason, then don't beat yourself up.

I have a 8 month old. We breastfed exclusively at the beginning, and it was difficult in the first few weeks (sore bleeding nipples, etc.) but I could handle it. But later, when I got sick and was travelling, my husband fed her breast milk from a bottle several days in a row and she clearly preferred the bottle. She often refused the breast after that. So, since I read too much judgmental crap on the internet that said I was a terrible mother if I didn't exclusively breastfeed, I started pumping breast milk around the clock to ensure my baby didn't have any formula. This made me crazy. I didn't produce a ton of milk very quickly using the pump, so I would basically spend the whole day pumping, then washing the pump, then feeding the baby from the bottle, then washing the bottle and then starting all over again. I finally had enough and realized that an unhappy mom makes for an unhappy family, and that it is simply not worth it. We ended up doing a mix of formula and breast milk until 6 months, then switched to formula full time.

The bottom line is that you should do what is best for you. Do not get sucked in to the judgmental breastfeeding nazis on the internet. I enjoyed Hanna Rosin's Atlantic article, which seems to cut through all the breastfeeding propaganda. Yes, breastfeeding is great if it works out. But if it doesn't then you're not hurting your baby in any way.

I actually found that other women and families in real life were fine with our choices, and not really all that judgmental. (Or at least they kept their judgments to themselves.) It's the internet that can be crazy. If I were you I would give it a try, and see if it works out for you and your family. As others have noted, the colostrum at the beginning is most important for passing on immunities. And breastfeeding is wonderful for losing weight - I lost all the baby weight and then some, within 3 months. And it is much easier in the middle of the night, and cheaper. But again, if it doesn't work out then don't stress out. It's more important to enjoy your time with the baby.
posted by barnoley at 4:40 AM on June 6, 2012


I breastfed for 2.5 years because it was right for us.
I never had any pain or problems or infections.

As others have said, it is damn easy to have food ready to go versus carrying bottles. Same with nightfeedings.

Pumping wasn't my favorite thing to do, but it was worth it to me to keep breastfeeding when we were together.

A lot of pregnancy is thinking about what you'll do when the baby comes. If I could do it again, I'd try to spend more time with my spouse and doing adult things like going out to dinner and movies and sleeping in. It is significantly different and harder to do that now.
posted by k8t at 4:50 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


PS, I see in your profile that you're 23. I imagine that based on the demographics of mefi, that the advice you're getting is from people about a decade older than you, more or less. And they're probably in a different work situation, just by virtue of age. And this impacts attitudes toward breastfeeding.

A lot of your decisions will depend on your work situation and childcare situation. Childcare is very expensive. Couples need to do the math to see if it is financially feasible for both parents to work. If you do go back to work and you want to continue breastfeeding and pumping at work. Try to figure out what your work's policies are regarding pumping. This may color your decision.

But either way, for all the reasons listed above, try to start with breastfeeding before making up your mind. You may find that you love it. I never thought I'd breastfeed for 2.5 years!
posted by k8t at 4:55 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


From a more moderate perspective:

I personally pumped full time. I tried pure breastfeeding the first few days and it didn't work out. So, I pumped and used bottles. I froze the extra. I think it actually wound up being kind of a happy medium. I could pump enough that I could, say, take a night off and have some drinks without it being bad for the baby. That's one thing that's negative about breastfeeding - you have to keep up the same diet regimen you did when you were pregnant - no alcohol, and you have to be off meds.

Also, it limits the desexualization of the breasts somewhat - they're still producing food, but out of sight. It also is easier to do at work - all you need is a twenty minute break every four hours, and most workplaces will accomodate. Federal workplaces are required to. You still keep a diaper bag with milk ready to go, you just don't have to worry about feeding in public.

It's somewhat expensive for the initial investment of the breast pump, (about 200$) unless you want to go with the cheaper hand-held models, which I don't recommend.

I found at the end I had about a three months supply of leftover frozen, so I could stop feeding and the baby could still be good.
posted by corb at 5:05 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


2nd hand anecdata: I've had three friends try and abandon breastfeeding (all in their 30's, all mildly to quite "crunchy"). Reasons this didn't work, for each person: 1) personal misery, pain, and realizing that feeding her kid didn't need to be a daily struggle; 2) PPD; 3) hellacious baby allergies that could not be fixed by mom eating (or not eating) anything in particular (ie, elimination diet to make breast milk safe did not work out). My best friend's sister also recently experienced #3 up there.

So all this to say, plan all you want, but at the end of the day, remember your goal is to take care of yourself and your baby, and as long as s/he's fed and happy, it matters much less whether you've breast fed or formula fed. What you're doing now is great, but remember to cut yourself a break if and when the time comes, and don't feel badly if it doesn't work out for you, for whatever reason.
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:30 AM on June 6, 2012


It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing - we breastfeed during the day at home, and bottle feed when we're out and when I'm doing the night feeds.

--- How do I know if breastfeeding is right for us?

Try it? I'm not intending to be snarky, but deciding you're going to give it a go doesn't actually commit you to never bottle-feeding your child.


Seconding this - give it a go, if it works out for you that's great, if it's logistically easier to mix-feed that's fine too, if it doesn't work out at all it's not a big deal.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 5:58 AM on June 6, 2012


That's one thing that's negative about breastfeeding - you have to keep up the same diet regimen you did when you were pregnant - no alcohol, and you have to be off meds.

This is totally untrue. Given that and a handful of other things in this thread -- would strongly recommend reading through

Some Breastfeeding Myths, and Still More Myths, and Even More and More Myths!

from the renowned Dr Jack Newman (whose book I also enthusiastically recommend as a great late-pregnancy read).

In re. colostrum, "six months," etc, many of the benefits are dose-dependent, and the greater the duration of nursing, the greater the benefit conferred to the child. There isn't a point at which the value ceases to exist, so if you can keep going an additional whatever past the whenever, great.

I don't mean to imply that it is difficult with that "if you can" -- right now, culturally things are in bad shape for mothers to nurse, and so breastfeeding rates are abysmal, especially after the initial newborn period. But I nursed for 4+ years and had no pain or problems at all. (Personally, I credit the ease to (1) lots of reading, (2) zero bottles, zero messing with pumps -- the latter obviously not an option if you are looking at a poorly conceived maternity leave policy, I know)

The AAP made a response to the Atlantic author, if you are interested.
posted by kmennie at 6:01 AM on June 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


For your benefit, not everyone can breast feed. As in some women simply don't produce enough (or any) milk for the child (and that is just one reason for being unable to breastfeed).

If you decide ahead of time that you are going to breastfeed, be honest with yourself about the fact that you may not be able to and give yourself permission to switch to formula. When the baby comes every decision will be so much more intense and confusing, please just make sure you think about (and mentally prepare for, as much as possible) what will happen if you can't breastfeed.
posted by oddman at 6:10 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I wanted to add: researchers have recently found embryonic-like stem cells in breastmilk. It really is a magical substance, and researchers don't yet know everything about it.

Studies are coming out all the time linking breastfeeding to benefits, lower childhood cancer rates, lower breast cancer rates, lower childhood obesity, etc. It really is a unique and pretty amazing thing that formula doesn't replicate. There's far more benefits than just the transference of antibodies.

So, if you can, I'd recommend trying hard to do so. It really is worth it. I was on the fence about it when I gave birth, but now I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. It's hard for the first month. But it gets better, and it becomes much easier than bottle-feeding.

Yes, of course you have to take care of yourself, but just understand that there are real scientific and emotional benefits to breastfeeding, for both you and your child that shouldn't be given up lightly. I'm not trying to add more guilt, there's enough of that online. But I just wanted to comment because you seem a little too dismissive of the benefits.
posted by Tooty McTootsalot at 6:14 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Going into it, I was super non-fanatical about nursing; I read the studies linked above and was aware that breastmilk is statistically the best thing for an infant, but I also knew lots of people (myself included) that did just fine without it. I figured I'd try and see how it went, but I had a can of formula in the pantry and very consicously put myself in a headspace where it was okay to use it.

I never needed it. For us, it was pretty easy. No bleeding or infections or any of those things that sound so frightening to someone beforehand, and my kid loves nursing, just LOVES it. The main part that was hard was being so tied down to his schedule and needs, but that's more of a motherhood thing than a breastfeeding thing. I remain pretty unsentimental about it--I've described it before as being "like magical turkey sandwiches that fall out of your ear"--but I wanted to highlight the fact that there are plenty of people out there who had unremarkable experiences nursing, but that those people don't often share their story. For me the greatest advantage is as a toddler parenting tool: Nothing stops my 19 month old from having a total screaming meltdown like opening my shirt. It's a universal fix.

(Oh, one thing that did happen was my son lost more weight than they like at birth and was slow to regain it, but once he caught up he shot up to the 98%tile and has stayed there ever since.)
posted by tchemgrrl at 6:28 AM on June 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


Regarding the convenience of breastfeeding:

1) Do you find menstruation to be at least somewhat of an inconvenience? If you don't breastfeed, or breastfeed very little and supplement with formula, your menstrual periods will resume in 6-8 weeks after delivery. Breastfeed exclusively, and you will not have any periods for at least 5 months, maybe longer. (Breastfeeding also acts as a contraceptive in part for this reason, but since you will not know when your first ovulation is, it's not a great idea to have unprotected intercourse if you don't want a surprise little brother/sister for your baby.)

2) I traveled cross-country by train alone with my son when he was 5 months old. All I needed to tote with me besides clothing was a supply of disposable diapers. Other parents of similarly-aged babies on that train carried SUITCASES FULL of bottles, formula, jars of baby food (keep in mind that formula-fed babies require strained food much earlier than breastfed ones) and feeding implements. I could NOT have made that trip if I were bottlefeeding.

3) I also found it convenient to be able fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothing quite quickly (since I did not have time for clothes shopping). Breastfeeding makes you lose weight. Actually, within 6 months I weighed considerably less than I had before becoming pregnant. I was baffled by media references to struggles with losing pregnancy weight. Those people must not have been nursing their infants.
posted by RRgal at 6:40 AM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Anecdote:

I had a premie and breastfed, pumping milk, for 5 months. It drove me bloody insane.
2 years later, I had a healthy, 42 week gestation baby, and breastfed for 16 months, absolutely wonderful experience:

The first month is hard because, in order for breastfeeding to be successful, IMHO, it's important to feed the baby upon request, and nipples get sore and hurt (though only when the baby latches on, as soon as the milk flows, it doesn't hurt anymore). After a month, from one feeding to the other, pain completely disappears. I lost a ton of weight, consider baby was getting 800 calories or more a day. Bonding was much easier with my breastfed baby, though I still had a wonderful bond with my eldest (in this regard, consider baby-wearing). What was also great was that my breastfed baby went from nursing to drinking cow's milk from a cup, and never had a bottle. After 2+ years of washing bottles, believe me it was a very pleasant prospect.
posted by buck:fuller at 7:35 AM on June 6, 2012


I don't have help on the How To Decide part, since that will depend on how you process information, what resources you have at hand, etc. You're off to a good start just by realizing that there's not One Right Answer -- as soon as you have a baby, you will realize that that's super true for everything about parenting, both because every kid is different and because you often have to do What Gets You Through not what's Theoretically Magical.

Anyway, I wanted to add one point on the overall evidence thing that tends to get overlooked: whether breastfeeding is even a net plus for your baby depends a lot on how healthy you yourself are. For example, somebody who subsists largely on junk food and works all day breathing nail polish remover probably provides a host of crappy stuff along with the good stuff in the breast milk. Somebody who's really well nourished, gets lots of fat and protein in their diet, and spends the day sniffing buttercups probably makes the best baby food on earth. Most of us are somewhere in-between those extremes.

As for its effect on you, breastfeeding means your hormones keep busy longer, which can mean you are more spacy and on-edge for longer after the baby is born (although that could get lost in the noise). Also, for some it whips the weight off, while for others, it delays the time that you can really lose the baby weight (putting out 1000 extra calories for a 5-month-old is a nontrivial undertaking!) until you wean, as you may have near-pregnancy hunger levels. This may or may not be a factor in your decision.

More grist for the mill. Good luck sorting it out for yourself. Just trust your own judgement and tell others to keep their unsolicited advice to themselves!
posted by acm at 7:36 AM on June 6, 2012


Breastfeed exclusively, and you will not have any periods for at least 5 months, maybe longer.
This is not true for everyone. I breastfed and my period came back when my LO was 3 months old. Do not put this on your "reasons to breastfeed" list.

(Breastfeeding also acts as a contraceptive in part for this reason, but since you will not know when your first ovulation is, it's not a great idea to have unprotected intercourse if you don't want a surprise little brother/sister for your baby.)

Yes, to this! There are several moms in my moms group who have siblings much closer together than they wanted because they believed the conventional wisdom that you can't get pregnant while breastfeeding because you are not ovulating. (it's because you are too tired to have sex! LOL)
posted by bijou243 at 7:38 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just remember: No matter what - at the end of the day your baby will be healthy and the choice you make does NOT reflect on how much you love them.

I breastfed and supplemented with formula since I couldn't produce enough in the first few months - my daughter is as healthy as a horse.

Lactivists can be a wonderful support structure, but mothers are mean. Just a heads up. Good luck (and as always, breast is best).
posted by Danithegirl at 7:38 AM on June 6, 2012


I was baffled by media references to struggles with losing pregnancy weight. Those people must not have been nursing their infants.

Coming back to point out that this is not always true: I'm glad it was true for some posters, but I personally was producing tons of milk and still struggled with losing post-pregnancy weight. Some people, at least, myself included, are ravenous while nursing. You want to eat everything in sight - sometimes in similar ways to while you are pregnant. I certainly found myself with cravings for several months afterwards.

This is not always conducive to weight loss - because your body doesn't really want you to be losing weight. Your body wants all kind of calories to be going into the breastmilk, thus making it a substance for babies to be able to grow plump on.

I mean, there are upsides, but it is important to remember that breastfeeding is not the magic panacea for all of life's ills.
posted by corb at 7:42 AM on June 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Just thought of something that might help you decide -- see whether there's some kind of breastfeeding support group involving real/recent mothers in your area. Not only is that something that could help with any issues, but you can see whether those in your area have a culture of nonjudgementalism or are fanatical. One of the best experiences I had was being in just such a group when I thought nothing was going to work (and that that was the end of the world) and having the women there tell me that giving up was a perfectly reasonable thing to do, that having a happy mother was more important to my daughter than feeding her this or that. That group turned out to be a multi-year resource, but there are enough moms who report sniping, that it's worth knowing in advance who you're dealing with. I'm sure you could visit a meeting and sit in the back...
posted by acm at 7:43 AM on June 6, 2012


I was baffled by media references to struggles with losing pregnancy weight. Those people must not have been nursing their infants.

Careful, here. My wife exclusively breastfed both our kids and never lost the weight and has yet to see her pre-pregnancy weight either time.

My sister bottle fed both kids and was below her pre-pregnancy weight within three weeks each time.

Something to consider which not one of the near-100 posts have talked about yet: The emotional part of breastfeeding in public. In our culture and where my wife and I live, boobs are only for sexy time and you never show skin below your collar bone. This is/was my wife's only hang-up in nursing. Even with a cover, she still exposed herself to to family and friends, and has yet to get over it. She hated leaving the room to nurse, so she tried choosing the lesser of two evils. It has ruined the entire experience for her, since all she remembers are the times she flashed herself to people close to her. (But, this probably is about something else and has nothing to do with the actual nursing part of it.)
posted by TinWhistle at 8:10 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


You'll probably discover how you feel about it after trying it a few times. That might be more telling than all the research and anecdata in the world.

Lots of good facts above, like: breastfeeding is cheaper than formula (even if you end up buying a really good pump (EnJoye is awesome)), reduces risk of disease/illness/allergy in baby, lowers risk for disease/illness in mama, generates amazing feel-good hormones for both, provides complete nutrition with advantageous bonuses not replicable by formula, BMs way less stinky.

I found that three of those items were important enough to keep trying even though our first two months were rough going for various reasons. I originally thought I would wean at 6mos (any is good, 3mos is more than many go, 6mos is great and rare), decided to see if we could go a year to enjoy the greater benefits of long-term nursing, and ended up committing to the WHO guideline of 24mos.

My big caveat is that it was so messed up for those first couple of months, though, that I supplemented with formula. Had to do it. Wish it had been otherwise. Might have been avoidable if I'd had a pump from jump, but maybe not. Nevertheless! Some breastfeeding gives more benefit than none, as an army of lactation consultants made sure I knew.

That's something that helped a lot - my community is fortunate to have a WIC-sponsored breastfeeding resource center and they helped us get through that really hard part with massive amounts of understanding and encouragement. Just hearing them acknowledge that it's sometimes an extremely difficult thing for something so natural was a big help, really, but they had all kinds of tips, tricks, and evaluations that helped us. If you don't have access to something like that, there's still La Leche League and likely other support groups in your area - even your hospital is probably going to have an on-staff lactation consultant. If you're using a midwife, she'll be even more knowledgeable about that, I think.

If you're worried about modesty, I recommend an anchored, over-sized cover. Practice with it before baby arrives. Baby dolls and pillows don't squirm and flail like an infant, so this might be a good time to completely confuse any pets you have or can access. If this whole concept freaks you out, you can feed solely at home and pump the rest of the day.

Other aids like nursing pillows (I lucked into finding a second-hand giant one intended for twins that worked perfectly for my tiny hungry acrobat) and co-sleeping "nests"/barricades so you can side nurse while getting the rest you will be desperately craving without fretting can make the difference between easy and burdensome.

All that said, I think the thing for us was that we made a way that worked for what was possible in our world. We supplemented. I accessed community resources. I didn't nurse in public. I found immense relief with great accessories. I pursued data relentlessly to decide after each milestone whether or not to continue. And I know a lot of other mamas who did the same. Some hadn't wanted to breastfeed but decided to based on health reasons. Some wanted to very badly but ended up doing formula from jump. The key was to be flexible with what we discovered as we went along, taking whatever steps were best for our babies and our own sanity. Going into with that mindset will help you keep balanced and lessen any grief or stress you may feel if you have to adjust one decision or another once you're in the trenches.
posted by batmonkey at 8:42 AM on June 6, 2012


Anecdote: I've been breastfeeding for 9.5 months. Never had any pain or soreness. It came pretty easy to us, with assistance from the nurses in the hospital for getting the latch correct at first. The hospital, a major teaching hospital, specifically recommends breastfeeding for all babies. My baby is super healthy and chunky and very happy (almost never cries). I love nursing, it's very convenient and relaxing, even though my baby nursed frequently for the first 3 months. I have an ace in the hole if ever my baby is upset, or overtired. My period has not come back (and I hope it stays away!). I lost all my baby weight, and then some, in the first few months postpartum. I pump at work, and while I don't love it, it's not that bad.

I know it's hard for some people but it's not hard for everyone. Personally it is easy for me and I would find preparing bottles much harder.
posted by statolith at 9:05 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, and also: I'm generally a modest person but nursing in public barely fazes me. I bought a nursing cover when I was pregnant but I only used it a few times, and now I'm not even sure where it is. To me BFing is a normal thing, and not something I feel I need to hide. I didn't realize I'd feel this way, but it's pretty liberating.
posted by statolith at 9:12 AM on June 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


Exclusively breastfeeding will not necessarily put off your period for months. Mine came back at 10 weeks postpartum, right around when he started sleeping for a four hour stretch at night. I'm apparently an outlier in that regard, as I know plenty of people who didn't get theirs back for over a year, but it's definitely no guarantee.
posted by chiababe at 9:18 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm due to give birth at the end of next month and this is something I've been thinking about, even though I'm fairly sure I'm pro-breastfeeding from day one, I think it's important to have a well rounded decisions when it involves physical/mental/infant health.

So far breastfeeding is my first option, simply because my boobs are right there, on the front of my body, waiting to go. It's cheaper, convenient and (initial pain aside) easier than spending money and time dealing with all the equipment and sterilising and mixing that comes with formula. But! I'm sure as hell not throwing out those formula samples we've been given either. There are plenty of things that can go askew - my boobs might not work, the baby might not latch right, I might get postnatal depression and have to take medication, I might not enjoy another 2 years of being physically tied to a dependent body etc

So the really real answer is that you're never going to know until you try and that it's best to keep an open mind - I say to myself "well, if this cheap/easy option doesn't work out, let's go with Plan B". Formula is my Plan B, and that's OK. You *need* a Plan B when you're dealing with a little human right? Wherever you decide to give birth should have lactation consultants on hand that will give you all the encouragement and advice you need to make the right decision for you. No one else has your body, your life or your particular set of needs. Decide through trial and error and you'll feel a lot less regret. At least I hope that's how it will work out for me. Good luck! Congratulations!
posted by saturnine at 9:59 AM on June 6, 2012


Just don't feel bad if it doesn't work out. It didn't work out for me. My milk never came in. I was very excited when I got pregnant about breastfeeding, but then I found out it was triplets, then I had preemies, and then my milk never came in. I tried, but it just didn't happen for me. And I had to *not* feel guilty about that. I pumped (tiny bits of milk) for two months, and it got to the point where the babies needed a mom who had gotten at least some sleep the night before. It was absolutely not worth the stress for me.

But I recognize that my situation was probably pretty unique. :)
posted by pyjammy at 11:21 AM on June 6, 2012


Before my son was born, I was pretty sure I was going to breastfeed, but in the abstract, it seemed such a foreign concept, despite the fact my mom, mother-in-law, and a number of friends all nursed their kids. I knew the benefits in terms of cost, mother and baby health, convenience, and the like (all mentioned above), and I also understood it would be easier to switch to formula if it didn't work out than to try to do it the other way 'round. Like a lot of things about parenthood, I just didn't see how it would work with my kid (and my boobs!).

But it did work, and we kept at it until my son was about 13 months old, when he just sort of dropped the whole thing, as solid food was too distractingly delicious. Outside of the first few days, it wasn't painful. I had a clogged duct on a couple of occasions, but no serious issues with that or with supply. My son didn't have problems switching between bottle and breast.

That said, I did pump sometimes, and we did use formula sometimes (when I had to be away from my son for hours, or when he started daycare part-time at about 10 months). He was primarily, not exclusively, breastfed. I also know that the fact I'm a work at home mom allowed us to develop and maintain that nursing relationship in a way that's not always possible when mom has to work full time outside the home, though I do know women who've done it by pumping during the day at work and nursing when home (which has its own set of challenges). I don't know that if my work situation had been different we would have been able to keep going.

Therefore I'd join in with others who'd suggest you give it a try, as that's probably going to be the best way to figure out what's right for you, your baby, and your family. I would note two things, though:

First, educate yourself and get that support system in place before the baby's born. This might help you make your decision re: breastfeeding before the birth, but you also don't want to be flailing around sleep-deprived and hormonal trying to figure out if something's a problem or working right (I know I don't think straight in those conditions!). Find out if the hospital has breastfeeding classes and lactation support. You might also find classes through La Leche League or your doctor's office. Find out who you can call in case you're struggling once you're home. Online I found Kellymom (mentioned above) to be a good source of answers to questions and figuring out problems. I also bought a copy of The Nursing Mother's Companion.

I did hedge my bets in terms of supplies at home, though---had a few bottles and formula as well as a nursing cover, a couple of nursing bras, lanolin and disposable nursing pads, but didn't invest in tons of any of it until we knew what would work for us.

Second, understand that the first 4-6 weeks are probably going to be the toughest, as everything's sort of colliding: you're probably not getting much sleep, you're still recovering physically from birth and your hormones might be doing a number on you, you're trying to figure out what to do with this little person and what's happened to your life and schedule...and that's without trying to figure out breastfeeding, too. I literally was going day by day there for a while, and I remember making my husband drive me to the hospital to rent a pump about week 2 because it felt like I was never going to sleep or leave the house again without it. (Untrue, but...hormones.) But by a month or six weeks, the baby's usually sleeping a bit longer (and so are you), both baby and you have figured out latching and nursing and your supply's adjusting to the baby's needs and schedule, and you're usually feeling physically better. For me life got dramatically better about that point.

Finally (ok, three things)----I'll echo what's been said above: It's fine if it doesn't work for you. Really. You want to do what's best for you and your family. What's best for you isn't always going to involve the same choices as everyone else.
posted by percolatrix at 11:49 AM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's one thing that's negative about breastfeeding - you have to keep up the same diet regimen you did when you were pregnant - no alcohol, and you have to be off meds.

No, not at all, as regards alcohol! The amount of alcohol a fetus gets is quite different from the amount a nursing infant gets, given the same level of alcohol in the mother's system. Here's why: if you drink while pregnant, the alcohol passes through the placenta from your blood to the baby's, along with the oxygen and nutrients. The baby's blood-alcohol levels will pretty much be the same as yours. If you drink while nursing, your infant drinks milk with an alcohol content equivalent to your blood-alcohol content. So, if your BAC is .05, your infant is getting milk that is .05% alcohol (note that's NOT 5%, but five hundredths of a percent). That's a tenth of the alcohol content of alcohol-free beer. It's really quite different to drink while nursing than to drink while pregnant. I'm not going to tell anyone what to do, but for me personally, I pretty much teetotal while pregnant and then will happily drink a glass of wine while nursing.
posted by palliser at 2:47 PM on June 6, 2012 [5 favorites]


One other thing in regard to breastfeeding being "hard" in the first few weeks - I don't really think it is breastfeeding that is difficult, it's having a newborn that is tough. You will be tired while you recover from giving birth and while you are adjusting to your new normal, regardless of how you choose to feed. For some people it is easier to hand the baby off and go nap. I personally was a frantic mess if I heard the baby make even a peep while in someone else's care in another room. I slept better (as did the baby) when we were together & I could nurse on cue. Point being, just don't get talked out of it by the idea that it will be "hard" without at least giving it a try. When I gave birth I really didn't know anything about breastfeeding and went in with the idea that I would try it. Like I said above, we haven't had any difficulties like pain or infection or any of the other horror stories. At first my goal was 3months (I went back to work at 11 weeks), then 6 months... and here we are, still going strong. At least if you try it and it doesn't work for you and your family, you won't regret later that you never even tried.
posted by vignettist at 3:56 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


One other thing in regard to breastfeeding being "hard" in the first few weeks - I don't really think it is breastfeeding that is difficult, it's having a newborn that is tough.

This is not true for all women - sometimes breastfeeding is objectively difficult. I had sore bleeding nipples, so that my baby's spit up was all red and gross because she was drinking my blood in addition to milk. And I had excruciating pain with every let down from my right breast.

I'm still very happy that I breastfed as long as I did, but that doesn't change the fact that it was difficult at first. Many women have little to no difficulty, but many women do indeed have a "hard" time of it at the beginning.
posted by barnoley at 4:57 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yes, I'm sure that there are women who have a hard time, and I don't mean to speak for anyone else's experience; I just don't like to see women discouraged from even trying by all of these stories of how difficult breastfeeding is. Just like it is difficult for some, it isn't difficult at all for others. Many fall somewhere in between. It does a disservice to women and their babies to scare them into believing that it is difficult for every mother, so that they are discouraged from even trying. There are plenty of stories on the forums of women who listened to those stories with their first child especially and they didn't even try and they regretted it. I guess what I am asking for is to please be cautious in your counsel. We can't know beforehand if any particular mother will have a hard time. At least encourage a mother to try, if she wants to, and then make the decision to continue or not based on her family's particular circumstances. Because, as it was said above, breastfeeding is supply and demand. If supply is not established in the first few days/weeks of the child's life, in most cases it isn't possible to switch back from formula to breastfeeding. It would be a shame to miss out on the opportunity by virtue of not making an informed, experienced decision.
posted by vignettist at 7:28 PM on June 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Because your question is "How do I know if breastfeeding is right for us," my answer is, essentially, "You try it and see."

Many women find they have no problem breastfeeding; many find it hard at first (0-6 weeks) at which point things improve considerably; many find it hard and choose alternatives (pumping exclusively, formula-feeding).

The truth is that there are just so many variables w/r/t breastfeeding that it's hard to predict whether or not you'll have an easy time of it. You might know exactly what to do to get a good latch, but your baby might have a tongue-tie or a lip-tie that makes him/her prone to a poor latch. (Happened to me!) You might be one of the women that legitimately does have low supply. You might have outrageous oversupply and enjoy donating extra milk to a milk bank. WHO KNOWS?

If you do choose to breastfeed, lots of people recommend setting small, manageable goals (the first two weeks, the first six weeks, the first six months, etc.) which might work for you. For me, I knew I wanted to breastfeed and was willing to go to great lengths to do so, so I didn't set any goals but instead focused on navigating the hurdles I faced. One was a suspected lip-tie that never got resolved, so I nursed using a nipple shield at nearly every feeding for two years. Another was going back to work at 11ish weeks and pumping 3x/day every workday for nine months. To some people, those things probably sound like the stuff of nightmares. I loved breastfeeding, so even though it was hard, it was worth it to me. You might feel the same way, or you might not! And that's okay.

You don't mention any mitigating factors, so it would be hard for me to recommend anything other than giving it a go and seeing how it works out for you. Breastfeeding is objectively better for babies as it's what their bodies are biologically programmed to expect, but many babies do just fine on formula if that's where you end up. I'd encourage you to attend a few La Leche League meetings (if you have any nearby) and talk to them about your concerns (or your husband's, depending). They can help with common questions and concerns and may set your (or your husband's) mind at ease.

In terms of resources, Kellymom is sort of the go-to place for all things breastfeeding. I "like" the site on Facebook because they post a lot of really good links to studies, articles, etc., which may be of interest to you. Best For Babes is another really good place for information and support - they even have a whole page dedicated to "Help - I don't want to breastfeed!" Your local LLL chapter is another great place to go, and see if you can find a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) near you to answer questions or get breastfeeding help.

Just remember: the goal is to feed the baby, however that ends up happening. You will make the right choice for you, your baby, and your family.
posted by meggan at 8:40 PM on June 6, 2012 [6 favorites]


I think it's important to hear that even when you're doing everything right, it can be hard. In the breastfeeding class at my hospital, they told us "You won't have any pain if you have a proper latch." That was demonstrably false in my case. I went to see my lactation consultant about a week into it because I was having pain, and she told me my latch was perfect, but the kid had a tiny mouth.

Hearing that it should all be sunshine and roses was discouraging to me. I was glad that I found support in an online group that told me to just wait it out for 6 weeks. I'm pretty sure I would have given up if I hadn't been told that sometimes it's hard and then it gets better. And when it was better, it was totally worth toughing through those first few weeks.
posted by chiababe at 8:45 PM on June 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


A nice overview if you don't mind the translation.
posted by Akeem at 12:44 AM on June 7, 2012


Just remember: the goal is to feed the baby, however that ends up happening. You will make the right choice for you, your baby, and your family.

This is the most important point I think. Every person you talk to, even probably every midwife, doctor, nurse, health visitor, and lactation consultant, will give you slightly (or wildly) different advice on how you should feed your baby (in terms of what to feed, feeding techniques, feeding times, schedules (or not), etc). Listen to it all, try out what seems like a good idea (and maybe some other stuff too), and go with whatever works best for your family.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:19 AM on June 7, 2012


At least encourage a mother to try, if she wants to, and then make the decision to continue or not based on her family's particular circumstances.

I am encouraging her to try; I had a longer response earlier about my experiences breastfeeding. Despite my difficulties, I am really happy I breastfed for six months. I was just trying to explain that there are indeed real difficulties at the beginning for many women. I echo chiababe's post about the frustration from hearing that you "shouldn't" have pain if the latch is correct. Luckily I had friends who explained it's normal for many women to have pain at the beginning.

The OP was specifically looking for pros and cons of breastfeeding. I was just pointing out one of the cons in my experience.
posted by barnoley at 6:23 AM on June 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


No, not at all, as regards alcohol! The amount of alcohol a fetus gets is quite different from the amount a nursing infant gets, given the same level of alcohol in the mother's system. Here's why: if you drink while pregnant, the alcohol passes through the placenta from your blood to the baby's, along with the oxygen and nutrients. The baby's blood-alcohol levels will pretty much be the same as yours. If you drink while nursing, your infant drinks milk with an alcohol content equivalent to your blood-alcohol content. So, if your BAC is .05, your infant is getting milk that is .05% alcohol (note that's NOT 5%, but five hundredths of a percent). That's a tenth of the alcohol content of alcohol-free beer. It's really quite different to drink while nursing than to drink while pregnant. I'm not going to tell anyone what to do, but for me personally, I pretty much teetotal while pregnant and then will happily drink a glass of wine while nursing.

Okay, so I'm going to give you this time travel device and my phone number from nine years ago...
posted by corb at 12:08 PM on June 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


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