Looking for a little perspective on communication styles to help ease some anxiety about a woman I've been out with a few times. (You guessed it--snowflake inside)
posted by anonymous to human relations (14 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I recently met a woman on a dating site. We met in person after about three or four emails. It's my first time using a dating site, so I was a little suspicious going in, but I had a delightful time and was catching vibes that she did as well. We made plans in person to meet again soon, which we settled over email a day or two later.
We live in different cities, so there was a two-week gap between when we could meet again. During that time, we emailed a few times. While her emails were fairly regular (every day or every other day) at first, she suddenly went five days without emailing. No biggie, I thought, she's probably busy. As we approached the second date, though, I was worried about her lack of contact and texted her cell phone instead. She replied promptly, said she was still on for date #2, and apologized for not replying. I wrote back and included some questions about details of the date, but no reply until date morning (another couple of days later), in which she just said something along the lines of "Hey, getting on the train, see you at XX time."
At this point I'm thinking, "Well, I SHOULD give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she has been busy, but the truth is that she's probably just not that in to me. But she's coming out to see me, so hey, let's make the best of this." Well, she came and we had a surprisingly fantastic time together. Engaging conversations, good chemistry, flirtatious touching from both sides, you name it. She even suggested that I visit her in her city next week and that we cook dinner together at her place. It was a classic "awesome date."
So, I get home, and text her with your typical post-good-date text: thanking her for coming out and for the great time, making a joke about something we had laughed about earlier that day, saying that I'm looking forward to the next date. She had a two-hour train ride home, so I went to bed expecting that I'd have a reply in the morning.
Well, there was no reply. It's been over 24 hours and still no reply. I'm in my late 20s and have been on plenty of similar dates over the years, but I've never not had a post date email reciprocated within a day of the date. I don't know, in my experience, text/emails after good dates is pretty basic and standard.
The drastically different signals I'm getting between our awesome in-person dates and the no post-date reply (and generally long gaps between emails/texts) has me baffled. I've always associated long or unanswered emails/texts to be a indicator of disinterest, but if this were the case I can't fathom why she would already be inviting me to her house.
So, AskMeFi dating gurus, help me get a little perspective on this. What are your norms for dating communications? I know that there are too many possible reasons and not enough information for you to speculate on my particular situation, so I'm more interested in hearing about your own experience. How did you/would you react in my position?
(I know I am over-thinking this, but I’m pretty into this girl, and the mixed signals are driving me crazy! Also, for anyone interested in venturing a guess about my situation, I should mention that I live in a country where cell phone text is the standard method of communication, not telephone calls, so “why don’t you just call her” doesn’t really apply.)