Fire the homophobe?
May 31, 2012 12:24 PM Subscribe
The live-in super of my building has confided in me that he does not like homosexuals. They're already complaints regarding his work but not his homophobia. If I report him, there's a chance he'll lose his job.
I've seen him interact kindly with gay residents so I don't believe he poses a personal threat but it's discouraging to hear him speak this way privately to me, using words like "faggot" quite freely. I also know he's expressed the same homophobic sentiments to another tenant. Of course he's entitled to his beliefs and I don't believe his opinions get in the way of his work, but he's actually not particularly good at his job and so this feels sort of like the icing on the cake. For what it's worth, he is not a member of any union.
I've seen him interact kindly with gay residents so I don't believe he poses a personal threat but it's discouraging to hear him speak this way privately to me, using words like "faggot" quite freely. I also know he's expressed the same homophobic sentiments to another tenant. Of course he's entitled to his beliefs and I don't believe his opinions get in the way of his work, but he's actually not particularly good at his job and so this feels sort of like the icing on the cake. For what it's worth, he is not a member of any union.
If he treats the gay tenants equally then there's no reason to report him. It would, however, be proper to say to him, "I don't appreciate that language," if he uses derogatory words when speaking with you. Or, "I don't agree with your sentiments." Or, "You're a bigoted jerk." But being a bigoted jerk in and of itself shouldn't really be enough to get him fired.
Of course, if you have real problems with the poor quality of work he does, then you can choose to report that.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:31 PM on May 31, 2012 [16 favorites]
Of course, if you have real problems with the poor quality of work he does, then you can choose to report that.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:31 PM on May 31, 2012 [16 favorites]
As much as I loath a homophobic, to complian about his homophobia guised as his work ethic would be unethical. It would be best to complain about his language if you so choose, but only if you have overheard it.
Surely if people have already been complaining about his work, means its probably only a matter of time before he is let go. No need to do anything under false pretenses.
posted by handbanana at 12:33 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Surely if people have already been complaining about his work, means its probably only a matter of time before he is let go. No need to do anything under false pretenses.
posted by handbanana at 12:33 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
If he's a shitty super, then report him for being a shitty super. Unless he's doing an extra-shitty job for the gay tenants, the homophobia doesn't come into play.
posted by griphus at 12:34 PM on May 31, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by griphus at 12:34 PM on May 31, 2012 [4 favorites]
He's free to hate whomever he wants to hate but once he starts using such terms around tenants he's stepped beyond his personal freedoms. In a sense this guy works for you. If one of your employees referred to someone else in the workplace as a faggot, would you tolerate it? If you heard the cashier at McDonalds call someone a faggot in front of you, would you report him to the manager? What if this guy used racist or anti-semetic terms around you?
It's not up to you whether or not he loses his job. He chooses to use words like that around tenants. If you are offended by the things he is saying to you then you should probably call and complain about him. Whatever happens to him is between him and the company he works for.
posted by bondcliff at 12:38 PM on May 31, 2012 [28 favorites]
It's not up to you whether or not he loses his job. He chooses to use words like that around tenants. If you are offended by the things he is saying to you then you should probably call and complain about him. Whatever happens to him is between him and the company he works for.
posted by bondcliff at 12:38 PM on May 31, 2012 [28 favorites]
Ask yourself if you'd like to live in a society where people with unpopular beliefs are unable to keep themselves employed. Then ask yourself if you have any beliefs that might be unpopular in some communities.
posted by 0xFCAF at 12:38 PM on May 31, 2012 [21 favorites]
posted by 0xFCAF at 12:38 PM on May 31, 2012 [21 favorites]
There is really no reason to report his bigoted speech if it doesn't actually result in bigoted behaviour. As long as he isn't actually treated the gay tenants differently than the straight ones, this isn't an issue over which he should be fired. While it is inappropriate, I think it is OK (for lack of a better word) unless he starts openly calling gay tenants slurs.
If he actual work sucks, though, then go ahead and continue to complain about it. And if his bigotry does begin to affect his work, report that too.
posted by asnider at 12:39 PM on May 31, 2012
If he actual work sucks, though, then go ahead and continue to complain about it. And if his bigotry does begin to affect his work, report that too.
posted by asnider at 12:39 PM on May 31, 2012
I'm going to disagree with the crowd here. He's an employee of the building's owners, and therefore is at work, and creating a hostile work environment for gays. He may treat "out" gays nicely enough, but by using hate terms such as "faggot" with "straights", he's prospectively intimidating/insulting closeted gays.
Inform his employers that you find his language offensive. This isn't about his personal life & beliefs; it's about his behavior in the workplace.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:40 PM on May 31, 2012 [33 favorites]
Inform his employers that you find his language offensive. This isn't about his personal life & beliefs; it's about his behavior in the workplace.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:40 PM on May 31, 2012 [33 favorites]
I agree that his homophobia in itself is not really relevant. However, I have to wonder why he's telling one of his tenants about this. If my building manager mentioned that he really didn't like Asian people, I'd be on the phone with his boss in about half a minute to complain that I find it inappropriate for him to be discussing this sort of thing with me. It's none of my business, makes me uncomfortable, and raises questions about whether or not he really is doing his job as well as he could be.
Now, if you have a social relationship with him, it's a bit of a different story. In that case, I'd have a come-to-Jesus talk about how a) you don't want to hear it and b) he needs to keep his mouth shut or someone is going to make an issue of it.
Short version, he's being unprofessional and kind of dumb, and that often is a firing offense.
posted by restless_nomad at 12:41 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Now, if you have a social relationship with him, it's a bit of a different story. In that case, I'd have a come-to-Jesus talk about how a) you don't want to hear it and b) he needs to keep his mouth shut or someone is going to make an issue of it.
Short version, he's being unprofessional and kind of dumb, and that often is a firing offense.
posted by restless_nomad at 12:41 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
On review: what bondcliff said.
He shouldn't be using these words on the job. With his friends or family, fine. But not on the job. It is discriminatory language, especially if he knows that some of the tenants are gay.
posted by asnider at 12:42 PM on May 31, 2012
He shouldn't be using these words on the job. With his friends or family, fine. But not on the job. It is discriminatory language, especially if he knows that some of the tenants are gay.
posted by asnider at 12:42 PM on May 31, 2012
I'd report the slurs, if nothing else. You don't need to make it about his homophobia, his language is plenty damning.
(To parallel: if I lived in a building with a super who told me he did not like women, and threw around words like "bitches" and "sluts" or what have you, I would not feel safe or comfortable living in that building, regardless of how benignly he superficially treated other female tenants).
posted by lydhre at 12:46 PM on May 31, 2012 [18 favorites]
(To parallel: if I lived in a building with a super who told me he did not like women, and threw around words like "bitches" and "sluts" or what have you, I would not feel safe or comfortable living in that building, regardless of how benignly he superficially treated other female tenants).
posted by lydhre at 12:46 PM on May 31, 2012 [18 favorites]
I think that you probably have a right (moral, not necessarily legal) not to be confronted with hate speech when dealing with the people who manage your home. The fact that the hate speech is not directed at you personally changes the degree to which it is a problem, but doesn't make it not a problem. I think it's fine to call and complain about his use of offensive language at work.
It would be one thing if you occasionally went out for beers with him after his shift ended and he ranted while off-the-clock -- then I'd suggest that you stop having beers with him, but leave him alone as long as he behaves in a professional manner on the job. But he's acting in an unprofessional, offensive manner while working and his employers would most likely want to know that and take action.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:46 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
It would be one thing if you occasionally went out for beers with him after his shift ended and he ranted while off-the-clock -- then I'd suggest that you stop having beers with him, but leave him alone as long as he behaves in a professional manner on the job. But he's acting in an unprofessional, offensive manner while working and his employers would most likely want to know that and take action.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:46 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
A private shaming ("Your bigotry is appalling, you should be ashamed of yourself") goes a long way.
posted by moammargaret at 12:50 PM on May 31, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by moammargaret at 12:50 PM on May 31, 2012 [8 favorites]
Mod note: Folks please answer the question and do not turn it into a discussion of the larger issues outside of their applicability to the OPs question please. Thanks.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:51 PM on May 31, 2012
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:51 PM on May 31, 2012
jacquilynne: I think that you probably have a right (moral, not necessarily legal) not to be confronted with hate speech when dealing with the people who manage your home.
Actually, under fair housing laws, you absolutely do have that right. Homosexuals may or may not be protected in your area, but if an employee of an apartment building referred to the residents by racial epithets on the job, you can bet the apartment building owners would be opening themselves up to a lawsuit (assuming complaints were made, and the situation wasn't remedied).
posted by IAmBroom at 12:52 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Actually, under fair housing laws, you absolutely do have that right. Homosexuals may or may not be protected in your area, but if an employee of an apartment building referred to the residents by racial epithets on the job, you can bet the apartment building owners would be opening themselves up to a lawsuit (assuming complaints were made, and the situation wasn't remedied).
posted by IAmBroom at 12:52 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
If you are offended or troubled by the language he uses, let management know. It's up to his employer whether or not this is something he'll get fired for. Seems more likely to me he'd be told to watch what he says around tenants. I'm not sure why you think he'll summarily be fired for complaints of homophobic slurs when he hasn't been fired for complaints about problems with his work. In any case, his homophobia isn't the problem. If you do talk to management, don't sling that word around. Tell them what he has said and done and that it makes you uncomfortable, and let them handle it from there.
posted by Wordwoman at 12:56 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Wordwoman at 12:56 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Of course he's entitled to his beliefs
Ok... so why would you report his beliefs to his boss?
He's an employee of the building's owners, and therefore is at work.
once he starts using such terms around tenants he's stepped beyond his personal freedoms.
If this guy is a live-in super and spoke to you privately, I presume he was off duty and having a "friendly" chat (for a bigoted version of friendly). He's a human being, and deserves time where he's not on the clock and speak his mind without fear of being fired.
Complain about poor work he's doing, complain about slurs he makes when on the clock, and make it clear to him (not his boss) you don't want to hear slurs off the clock.
posted by bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated at 1:02 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Ok... so why would you report his beliefs to his boss?
He's an employee of the building's owners, and therefore is at work.
once he starts using such terms around tenants he's stepped beyond his personal freedoms.
If this guy is a live-in super and spoke to you privately, I presume he was off duty and having a "friendly" chat (for a bigoted version of friendly). He's a human being, and deserves time where he's not on the clock and speak his mind without fear of being fired.
Complain about poor work he's doing, complain about slurs he makes when on the clock, and make it clear to him (not his boss) you don't want to hear slurs off the clock.
posted by bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated at 1:02 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
When you are an employee, part of your job is to behave professionally, and not make people uncomfortable. It's kind of a basic requirement, actually. So I think it is perfectly legitimate to complain about his behavior - especially if you suspect that management would not want this man representing them if they knew about his conduct.
posted by ohsnapdragon at 1:03 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by ohsnapdragon at 1:03 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Just because he interacts kindly with gay tenants and doesn't seem to pose a personal threat doesn't mean he isn't making your gay neighbors feel uncomfortable where they live. People who are stupid enough to say such things around people who are going to find them offensive aren't usually smart enough to do it so quietly or even have well-tuned enough gaydar to only do so around only straight people.
So the question, from my perspective is: if you learned there was a closeted person who lived in your building who felt uncomfortable enough with his or her own sexuality and didn't feel they were in a position to say something for whatever fear, how would you feel about your saying nothing? The argument could be made that it probably isn't your place, but that doesn't make inaction the morally right thing.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:07 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
So the question, from my perspective is: if you learned there was a closeted person who lived in your building who felt uncomfortable enough with his or her own sexuality and didn't feel they were in a position to say something for whatever fear, how would you feel about your saying nothing? The argument could be made that it probably isn't your place, but that doesn't make inaction the morally right thing.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:07 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
When he's talking to you or the people in your building, for whom he works, he's AT work and should consider himself as such. He's not behaving professionally so I think it's entirely reasonable to report him and let it be between him and his employer. I don't know what it is that some of the people responding above regard as necessary for his behaviour to be considered discriminatory; discrimination isn't just beating someone up for their sexuality: the super's voicing of his opinions here in itself in this environment is discrimination. Imagine if you were gay and had to live with the burden of people letting fly their stupid shit at you all the time. And now from the people you pay to look after the building you make your home in. Jeez.
posted by springbound at 1:14 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by springbound at 1:14 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
I'd assume that if YOU know there's a chance he could lose his job over complaints of using homophobic language, that HE knows there's a chance he could lose his job over complaints of using homophobic language. Yet he still chooses to use it. So maybe he's thumbing his nose at his job responsibilities, maybe he's clueless about them, or maybe you're incorrect that a complaint is likely to lead to his firing.
In any case, if you complain about the language to his management, they can sort it out. I think it's incidents like these through which homophobia and other prejudicial beliefs are reduced from things people act on openly, to things people merely discuss with others, to things people can only discuss in private with other self-identified prejudiced people because of the social consequences.
You probably won't change his mind about homosexuality, but you can possibly do something to make him realize that expressing those opinions makes him look like a total asshole.
posted by alphanerd at 1:45 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
In any case, if you complain about the language to his management, they can sort it out. I think it's incidents like these through which homophobia and other prejudicial beliefs are reduced from things people act on openly, to things people merely discuss with others, to things people can only discuss in private with other self-identified prejudiced people because of the social consequences.
You probably won't change his mind about homosexuality, but you can possibly do something to make him realize that expressing those opinions makes him look like a total asshole.
posted by alphanerd at 1:45 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
I am straight, but if any employee of any business used such hateful language in my presence, I would feel very uncomfortable. Even if he was perfectly competent at the rest of his work, he's behaving very unprofessionally. This absolutely has bearing on his job performance, and I would absolutely report him.
posted by keep it under cover at 2:57 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by keep it under cover at 2:57 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
He's entitled to his ignorant bigoted beliefs, but he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut at work. Complain to him directly and if he doesn't get the message, tell his boss. Document it in writing.
No one sensible in the US would tolerate a super ranting on about "niggers" or "kikes" or "towelheads". This is no different ethically. It may or may not be legally different depending on where you live.
posted by Nelson at 3:08 PM on May 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
No one sensible in the US would tolerate a super ranting on about "niggers" or "kikes" or "towelheads". This is no different ethically. It may or may not be legally different depending on where you live.
posted by Nelson at 3:08 PM on May 31, 2012 [2 favorites]
Quietly check out his behavior towards gays. Would he refuse to rent to gay people? People can like/dislike whomever they please, but in enlightened places, they may not discriminate against gays, generally judged by behavior.
Talk to him about his words. Dude, when you say faggot, that really makes me upset. I get that you don't like homosexuals, but why call names? It's an opportunity to engage in discussion. Maybe he has bad information, and you could update him, reducing his homophobia. You can also tell him honestly that it's considered hate speech, and could result in him losing his job.
When you tolerate hate speech, it makes it seem okay. I woulnd't.
posted by theora55 at 3:30 PM on May 31, 2012
Talk to him about his words. Dude, when you say faggot, that really makes me upset. I get that you don't like homosexuals, but why call names? It's an opportunity to engage in discussion. Maybe he has bad information, and you could update him, reducing his homophobia. You can also tell him honestly that it's considered hate speech, and could result in him losing his job.
When you tolerate hate speech, it makes it seem okay. I woulnd't.
posted by theora55 at 3:30 PM on May 31, 2012
I am straight, but if any employee of any business used such hateful language in my presence, I would feel very uncomfortable.
I am gay, and what makes me feel very uncomfortable is throwing a working-class man into poverty because of his homophobic views. For god's sake, talk to the man if you disagree with him. Don't get him fired. It's a form of economic violence that dwarfs the crime he is being accused of.
posted by dontjumplarry at 3:33 PM on May 31, 2012 [13 favorites]
I am gay, and what makes me feel very uncomfortable is throwing a working-class man into poverty because of his homophobic views. For god's sake, talk to the man if you disagree with him. Don't get him fired. It's a form of economic violence that dwarfs the crime he is being accused of.
posted by dontjumplarry at 3:33 PM on May 31, 2012 [13 favorites]
I suggest turning the situation around and seeing if it makes you feel any different. If he was a gay man who said "I hate Christians. They're so judgmental. Stupid bigots!" would you feel a need to report this to anyone? Would you be concerned that he was making Christians in the building uncomfortable?
Both extremes are bigoted (although both are not viewed with the same weight in today's society). If you wouldn't report someone hostile in the opposite viewpoint, then it is most likely your personal repugnance for his beliefs that is making you want to take action. Feel free to tell him that you don't appreciate his views, but I agree with the others who said you shouldn't try to get him in trouble.
posted by tacodave at 3:50 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Both extremes are bigoted (although both are not viewed with the same weight in today's society). If you wouldn't report someone hostile in the opposite viewpoint, then it is most likely your personal repugnance for his beliefs that is making you want to take action. Feel free to tell him that you don't appreciate his views, but I agree with the others who said you shouldn't try to get him in trouble.
posted by tacodave at 3:50 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
You have framed the question as though the two options are
1. Say nothing to his bosses.
2. Talk to his bosses and get him fired.
Option 3, which you left out, is talking directly to him. Tell him you oppose that kind of language from anyone, especially someone who works for you. Give him a chance to say "Aw jeez I'm sorry, I grew up around that kind of language and sometimes I slip back into old habits."
And if he doesn't say that, when you come back and post an AskMe that says "My super is a bigot. I told him to knock it off but he's still making offensive comments about group x. Should I talk to his boss?" you will likely find the responses to be much more consistent.
posted by headnsouth at 4:13 PM on May 31, 2012 [5 favorites]
1. Say nothing to his bosses.
2. Talk to his bosses and get him fired.
Option 3, which you left out, is talking directly to him. Tell him you oppose that kind of language from anyone, especially someone who works for you. Give him a chance to say "Aw jeez I'm sorry, I grew up around that kind of language and sometimes I slip back into old habits."
And if he doesn't say that, when you come back and post an AskMe that says "My super is a bigot. I told him to knock it off but he's still making offensive comments about group x. Should I talk to his boss?" you will likely find the responses to be much more consistent.
posted by headnsouth at 4:13 PM on May 31, 2012 [5 favorites]
I've never had a super (until recently) that could pass for a decent human being at twenty paces, or who didn't reveal himself to be thoroughly disgusting if given more than a few sentences of conversation about non-repair-related stuff.
It might be nice for you to say to your gay neighbors, "If you ever have any trouble with the super, please let me know -- I know he's not very friendly and I'm happy to back you guys up."
It might be nice to say to your super, "I really don't appreciate that kind of talk. Some of my friends/family are gay and I love them very much."
I think taking it to the landlord is a mistake. For all you know, the landlord is just as bad (or worse).
posted by hermitosis at 4:16 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
It might be nice for you to say to your gay neighbors, "If you ever have any trouble with the super, please let me know -- I know he's not very friendly and I'm happy to back you guys up."
It might be nice to say to your super, "I really don't appreciate that kind of talk. Some of my friends/family are gay and I love them very much."
I think taking it to the landlord is a mistake. For all you know, the landlord is just as bad (or worse).
posted by hermitosis at 4:16 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I'd lean towards talking to him directly first, as well. I don't think there's any question as to whether or not his behavior is appropriate, but to me, the adult thing to do is to confront him directly with it. And hey, if that yields unacceptable or insufficient results, then report him.
But be honest with him. Even if it doesn't end up yielding the ultimate result that you'd want, I'd dare say that having that direct conversation will have more of an impact on him personally, will have a better chance at making him reconsider his ways, than some indirect communications from a superior who's otherwise removed from the situation.
posted by Brak at 4:30 PM on May 31, 2012
But be honest with him. Even if it doesn't end up yielding the ultimate result that you'd want, I'd dare say that having that direct conversation will have more of an impact on him personally, will have a better chance at making him reconsider his ways, than some indirect communications from a superior who's otherwise removed from the situation.
posted by Brak at 4:30 PM on May 31, 2012
I realize many would argue this isn't pertinent but I am curious about:
a) Your location
b) Super's age
c) The general atmosphere/demographic of your building
d) Specifics of super's incompetence
I tend to agree with the let it slide/deal with it face-to-face crowd but it seems like more detail on the above would at least be illuminating.
Don't mean to be glib but it doesn't sound as if you've come across a Nazi in hiding.
posted by raider at 6:00 PM on May 31, 2012
a) Your location
b) Super's age
c) The general atmosphere/demographic of your building
d) Specifics of super's incompetence
I tend to agree with the let it slide/deal with it face-to-face crowd but it seems like more detail on the above would at least be illuminating.
Don't mean to be glib but it doesn't sound as if you've come across a Nazi in hiding.
posted by raider at 6:00 PM on May 31, 2012
I'm a lesbian and people accidentally confide their homophobic thoughts to me wayy too often. Because I look girly and straight, I end up hearing that my coworker hates queers because they all do drugs, or that my classmate thinks that butchy girls are just gross. It makes me feel unsafe, unwelcome, and uncomfortable, and would definitely suck if I had to encounter said homophobes every day as I entered my home, which I expect to feel safe and welcoming. He needs to learn that this sort of thing is not okay, whether from you or from his superior.
posted by whalebreath at 8:27 PM on May 31, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by whalebreath at 8:27 PM on May 31, 2012 [6 favorites]
There are people you do not cross, and the incompetent jerk who has a key to your apartment and likely has free access when you are not at home is DEFINITELY one of those people!
Don't talk to him for a few months. Act friendly, smile, but no conversations.
If in a few months time, if you'd like to safely bring this and the poor work up with your landlord, in writing, do so. But tread carefully.
The truth is that if he lives onsite, he might be protected in some fashion via tenancy laws and there is no way in hell he'll be fired or evicted.
Go ahead. Ask me how I know this:((
posted by jbenben at 9:12 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
Don't talk to him for a few months. Act friendly, smile, but no conversations.
If in a few months time, if you'd like to safely bring this and the poor work up with your landlord, in writing, do so. But tread carefully.
The truth is that if he lives onsite, he might be protected in some fashion via tenancy laws and there is no way in hell he'll be fired or evicted.
Go ahead. Ask me how I know this:((
posted by jbenben at 9:12 PM on May 31, 2012 [1 favorite]
BTW, This $10 to $20 investment in home security is probably right for you if my answer has made you feel at all squicky.
I was in that biz a long time. I've seen it all.
You're probably at absolutely no risk. But people are vindictive. So, y'know.
----
In general, there are too many variables in your question to make any answer but prudence safe.
- Jurisdiction and local tenancy laws protecting this Super as a tenant of the building
- Demeanor of the Landlord
- Demeanor of the Super if he finds out you tattled on him
- Whether or not Super has an enforceable employment contract that would require him to move out if he lost his job
-----
I appreciate everyone who says you should confront him. I do. I just can't recommend it.
I'm hugely proactive when it comes to, "Doing The Right Thing."
I think you need to know all the details of his employment and have a decent idea about how your landlord will handle this before you proceed.
Additionally, it is possible any complaint from you will be seen as a "neighbor conflict" since the guy lives there, rather than a breach of professionalism, by - depending.
-----
This is a hill worth fighting for only once you know the odds!
-
posted by jbenben at 9:25 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
I was in that biz a long time. I've seen it all.
You're probably at absolutely no risk. But people are vindictive. So, y'know.
----
In general, there are too many variables in your question to make any answer but prudence safe.
- Jurisdiction and local tenancy laws protecting this Super as a tenant of the building
- Demeanor of the Landlord
- Demeanor of the Super if he finds out you tattled on him
- Whether or not Super has an enforceable employment contract that would require him to move out if he lost his job
-----
I appreciate everyone who says you should confront him. I do. I just can't recommend it.
I'm hugely proactive when it comes to, "Doing The Right Thing."
I think you need to know all the details of his employment and have a decent idea about how your landlord will handle this before you proceed.
Additionally, it is possible any complaint from you will be seen as a "neighbor conflict" since the guy lives there, rather than a breach of professionalism, by - depending.
-----
This is a hill worth fighting for only once you know the odds!
-
posted by jbenben at 9:25 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
Don't overestimate the impact your complaints might have. I once complained to an apartment management company about the building manager who let himself into my apartment with no notice and watched me in the shower. All I got was a letter saying they would "talk to him to hear his side of the story".
posted by bendy at 10:45 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by bendy at 10:45 PM on May 31, 2012 [3 favorites]
He's being offensive. If he were a friend or relative, you could stop associating with him. He is not. He is at work, he is in your home. You absolutely have a right to address this. If you think it will make you feel better, you could tell him in no uncertain terms to stop talking like that or you will report him. Or you can just report him.
On a personal note, I speak up in defense of other minorities pretty vocally while other people just withdraw and get uncomfortable. When it comes to homophobia though, I just don't speak up. I don't feel I can, it's super uncomfortable for me (I'm gay). I really appreciate when straight allies take the lead on this stuff.
posted by Garm at 11:47 PM on May 31, 2012 [5 favorites]
On a personal note, I speak up in defense of other minorities pretty vocally while other people just withdraw and get uncomfortable. When it comes to homophobia though, I just don't speak up. I don't feel I can, it's super uncomfortable for me (I'm gay). I really appreciate when straight allies take the lead on this stuff.
posted by Garm at 11:47 PM on May 31, 2012 [5 favorites]
Speak to him about how you feel when he talks to you about his shitty beliefs, not his boss.
posted by h00py at 4:30 AM on June 1, 2012
posted by h00py at 4:30 AM on June 1, 2012
It's a form of economic violence that dwarfs the crime he is being accused of.
Economic violence? Really? No one coerced him into confessing his prejudice with the intent of getting him fired. He was perfectly happy to declare himself a homophobe to at least two tennants in his building. If he enjoys his freedom to spout off slurs and essentially talk shit about a number of his employer's clients more than he values keeping his job, that's entirely on him. I don't agree that one can be to blame for "getting someone fired" unless the employee is being trapped or framed somehow. We're all responsible for maintaining our own professional conduct.
I do agree that OP might feel better talking to the guy first and giving him a chance to learn to keep such thoughts to himself, as long as the OP feels safe doing so. Otherwise, I don't feel like OP should be faulted for not taking it upon themself to educate this guy.
posted by keep it under cover at 11:57 AM on June 1, 2012 [1 favorite]
Economic violence? Really? No one coerced him into confessing his prejudice with the intent of getting him fired. He was perfectly happy to declare himself a homophobe to at least two tennants in his building. If he enjoys his freedom to spout off slurs and essentially talk shit about a number of his employer's clients more than he values keeping his job, that's entirely on him. I don't agree that one can be to blame for "getting someone fired" unless the employee is being trapped or framed somehow. We're all responsible for maintaining our own professional conduct.
I do agree that OP might feel better talking to the guy first and giving him a chance to learn to keep such thoughts to himself, as long as the OP feels safe doing so. Otherwise, I don't feel like OP should be faulted for not taking it upon themself to educate this guy.
posted by keep it under cover at 11:57 AM on June 1, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think these concerns about the work environment are valid, but I think it's a little trickier when it's a live-in super. The boundaries shift a bit. There's his on-the-job performance, which is while he's fixing things, and there is his off-the-job performance, which is when he's living at the apartment and going about his business and hanging out with the other tenants.
Which of these situations is going on? Is he muttering about gay people while he's fixing lights and faucets and things like that? Or is he socializing with you and making random chat that happens to involve his bigoted beliefs?
If the former, then I say you'd be justified in reporting him; if the latter, I think it would be unfair to get this guy fired (And probably thrown out of his home) simply because of his prejudices.
posted by corb at 2:25 PM on June 1, 2012
Which of these situations is going on? Is he muttering about gay people while he's fixing lights and faucets and things like that? Or is he socializing with you and making random chat that happens to involve his bigoted beliefs?
If the former, then I say you'd be justified in reporting him; if the latter, I think it would be unfair to get this guy fired (And probably thrown out of his home) simply because of his prejudices.
posted by corb at 2:25 PM on June 1, 2012
He's offending you. Tell him you're offended. This is how this endless, endless cycle keeps churning along. We're all too polite to politely point out that this kind of ugly talk is just not acceptable, period, as long as the perpetrators continue to be nice to the neighbors to their face.
You don't have to be gay to be offended by homophobia, but somehow the argument of "why do you care if I'm not insulting you personally" is incomprehensibly permitted to stand as something halfway legitimate. And so bigots rail against the nameless, faceless faggots and the niggers and the bitches when they feel their audience is safely not a member of whatever group they want to whine about. Because there's an "us" and a "them," right? You want him adding you to his "us?"
posted by desuetude at 1:35 AM on June 2, 2012
You don't have to be gay to be offended by homophobia, but somehow the argument of "why do you care if I'm not insulting you personally" is incomprehensibly permitted to stand as something halfway legitimate. And so bigots rail against the nameless, faceless faggots and the niggers and the bitches when they feel their audience is safely not a member of whatever group they want to whine about. Because there's an "us" and a "them," right? You want him adding you to his "us?"
posted by desuetude at 1:35 AM on June 2, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by General Malaise at 12:28 PM on May 31, 2012 [6 favorites]