What do you do to calm yourself when in the heat of anger?
May 31, 2012 5:14 AM Subscribe
What methods have worked for you in terms of keeping a rational mind when you feel yourself becoming (rationally or irrationally) angry?
posted by oink to human relations (16 answers total) 35 users marked this as a favorite
I would be described as a quiet non confrontational person by nature.
Sometimes when I get angry (which is quick to heat up and also quick to cool off), I say or act in a way I look back with regret. Often this involves choice words (e.g. bringing up past wrongs with vehemence) and petty actions (e.g. storm off in a huff). While there is never any violence or abuse (i sincerely hope), I feel terrible afterwards and always initiate apologies (whomever is right or wrong does not matter).
Specifically looking for how to address/ resolve/ let go of the feeling of anger, as I dislike the amount of time and effort spent being angry and unproductive.
One past instance:
Dinner with mum escalates to me getting angry (defensive) and bringing up unpleasant things she has done in the past which consequently results in her current predicament.
She refuses to talk to me for a week, and I feel like crap for making her feel bad.
We eventually resolve by not pretending it never happened after we both cool off.
But this is kind of a recurring thing with mum, as we both know eachother well enough to push just the right buttons.
One recent instance:
While browsing a discount giftware warehouse with a pram, my 6 month baby grabbed a small cheap soft toy and promptly placed it in her mouth. I saw and placed it back. Almost immediately from behind, the owner shouted loudly at me to the exact words "How dare you put it back, woman! Pay for it, you stupid b****! Your baby puts her disgusting saliva all over it and you it back?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Get out of my store!" His shop assistants shook their head at me and said nothing.
I was too astonished/ bewildered (ashamed?) to do anything except apologise and got out of the warehouse.
This happened yesterday.
Thinking back, I can't seem to shake this feeling of anger. Maybe I was wrong for having my baby's saliva on the toy. Maybe this is a mother's defensiveness? I feel like I should reacted differently such as asked him to not be rude and I will pay for it.
I want to stop thinking about it and shake off this feeling of anger, as it is consuming me to the point where I am thinking of revenge (such as going back and taking a photo of the rude owner and blogging about him or just throw my baby's poop in the store).
I have vented to my sister, who empathised and nodded at all the right times.
Yet I am still angry.
How can I stop feeling angry and just let it go?
Thank you in advance for your time :)