My spouse flipped out on me and I don't know what to do
May 28, 2012 4:51 AM Subscribe
My spouse flipped out on me and I don't know what to do. As a survivor of childhood abuse, I'm not appropriately calibrated and could use some advice. Thanks.
posted by Punctual to human relations (63 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a successful 40-year old, married 5 years. Husband is 10 years older. First marriage for both. I realize there is so much that goes into shaping each and every human, so I can't possibly cover it all here, but we are seemingly reasonable, functional people. Nice jobs, nice house, no major problems, etc.
Work has been demanding for me lately and I've had three conversations with him about it, along the lines of "I need to work a lot until at least the end of June...but if I do, I will get a big bonus that will change our life in X way. I don't want to work so many hours if you are NOT okay with it. How do you feel about this increased focus on work? " Always, he said, "Yay, go for it, baby!".
Friday, he got out of work early. I did not. He went to do shared leisure activity we both do. I went home, worked out, did chores, etc. He got home and took a shower...while he was showering, I stretched out on the sofa and feel deliciously asleep. Mmmm. It was awesome. He wakes me at 10 PM and asks if I'll go out to a bar to meet so and so. I was like, no, I'm in for the night, but you go ahead.
This is when he flipped. "You are a fucking loser. I'm 10 years older than you and all you do is fucking read books. I hate to think what you'll be like at my age, you fucking loser!!!" He stormed out. I've been at my girlfriend's house since then and he has not contacted me.
Admittedly, I read in my leisure time. But I have always read in my leisure time since I could read. I am not super "fun" I guess. I get up really early on "school" days to run and go to work. I'm usually tired by Friday. I make a good living, though.