Stay or Go?
July 24, 2005 11:48 AM Subscribe
Shall I leave my job tomorrow?
Obviously you can't make the decision for me but I would appreciate anything that can clarify my thinking.
I suppose the underlying question is 'how long should you do something you're not suited for and unhappy in for the sake of future happiness?'
I'm doing an office admin job at the moment, and it involves working in a room on my own all day not talking to anyone. I'm not really suited for a desk job anyway - I've got too much energy, but the aloneness is a killer combo. I'm stuck with my own thoughts all the time, and a constant need to get out of there.
However, the money is good for monkey work and I'm not really qualified to do anything else. I've got a couple of months expenses in the bank and would like leave and find something in a shop or bar for a while but would be looking at half as much and it would be hard to save anything.
I've got a vague plan to go to Canada for a while, but whatever I do next it's good to have some money. However, I've kept myself trapped in this kind of work for a few years cause of money - the question is when do you make the decision that enough is enough.
I'm finding it hard to make a decision, as my confidence is shot a lot of the time, and a lot of anxiety has been building up. I can see that this is just cause of the unnatural situation, but find it hard to think rationally.
Obviously you can't make the decision for me but I would appreciate anything that can clarify my thinking.
I suppose the underlying question is 'how long should you do something you're not suited for and unhappy in for the sake of future happiness?'
I'm doing an office admin job at the moment, and it involves working in a room on my own all day not talking to anyone. I'm not really suited for a desk job anyway - I've got too much energy, but the aloneness is a killer combo. I'm stuck with my own thoughts all the time, and a constant need to get out of there.
However, the money is good for monkey work and I'm not really qualified to do anything else. I've got a couple of months expenses in the bank and would like leave and find something in a shop or bar for a while but would be looking at half as much and it would be hard to save anything.
I've got a vague plan to go to Canada for a while, but whatever I do next it's good to have some money. However, I've kept myself trapped in this kind of work for a few years cause of money - the question is when do you make the decision that enough is enough.
I'm finding it hard to make a decision, as my confidence is shot a lot of the time, and a lot of anxiety has been building up. I can see that this is just cause of the unnatural situation, but find it hard to think rationally.
Why don't you use your goal to get out as a goal and a burning need (like my eliminating my debt with extreme predjudice because I want a house) and find a soft place (i.e. a new job that you'd enjoy) to land before you jump? Yeah, being trapped sucks, the job sucks, but IMHO, leaving with only vague ideas of where you're going to go and how you're going to support yourself just because you don't like it is childish. Use your dislike of your job as fuel for your fire, make a plan, find a new job or some other way to make money, and THEN quit your job.
posted by SpecialK at 12:02 PM on July 24, 2005
posted by SpecialK at 12:02 PM on July 24, 2005
Get a second job that could balance the isolation. I would suggest a waiters job. Then get a notion and then a plan for what to do next.
posted by JohnR at 12:03 PM on July 24, 2005
posted by JohnR at 12:03 PM on July 24, 2005
Get out. It sounds like you already know what you want, but still need some encouragement to not feel totally irresponsible.
If you provide a few more details, we might be able to help you figure out how to obtain a working visa for Canada. Are you English? How old are you?
posted by ori at 12:08 PM on July 24, 2005
If you provide a few more details, we might be able to help you figure out how to obtain a working visa for Canada. Are you English? How old are you?
posted by ori at 12:08 PM on July 24, 2005
Response by poster: Thanks for the ideas. I don't have any real commitments - just the fear that lower paid work could be a worse trap.
I shouldn't have any problems with the visa, as BUNAC have a programme to work for a year there.
posted by lunkfish at 12:14 PM on July 24, 2005
I shouldn't have any problems with the visa, as BUNAC have a programme to work for a year there.
posted by lunkfish at 12:14 PM on July 24, 2005
' . .how long should you do something you're not suited for and unhappy in for the sake of future happiness?'
If you isolate this part, you put your finger on much of the unhappiness and the "traps" that are associated with living in modern society these days . . .
The simple thing would be to say if you're not suited for your job and unhappy then leave tommorrow. You will feel happier immediately! Of course that could crash down in two months if you suddenly get sick, have to pay a large amount of money for something or deal with any of the curveballs that life throws your way.
Vague plans are almost always bad ideas, however. Look at it from another perspective- out of everything you could do- what *would* make you happy- leave "reality" out of it for a second and focus on a dream. Then make some sort of step towards getting there.
posted by jeremias at 12:18 PM on July 24, 2005
If you isolate this part, you put your finger on much of the unhappiness and the "traps" that are associated with living in modern society these days . . .
The simple thing would be to say if you're not suited for your job and unhappy then leave tommorrow. You will feel happier immediately! Of course that could crash down in two months if you suddenly get sick, have to pay a large amount of money for something or deal with any of the curveballs that life throws your way.
Vague plans are almost always bad ideas, however. Look at it from another perspective- out of everything you could do- what *would* make you happy- leave "reality" out of it for a second and focus on a dream. Then make some sort of step towards getting there.
posted by jeremias at 12:18 PM on July 24, 2005
At least start coming up with a concrete plan before you leave. If you leave without plans, you'll find yourself facing a ticking clock--find a job before your savings run out!--that could be just as unpleasant as your current situation and force you into yet another unhappy job.
Having a plan, or at least working on a plan, could help alleviate some of your current angst, too: it'll be easier to take your current job if you have a light at the end of the tunnel.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:29 PM on July 24, 2005
Having a plan, or at least working on a plan, could help alleviate some of your current angst, too: it'll be easier to take your current job if you have a light at the end of the tunnel.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:29 PM on July 24, 2005
I was stuck not so long ago at a job I hated also, feeling I couldn't leave for immigration reasons, but the day I quit the relief was incredible. Looking back, I don't know why the hell I stayed so long.
My suggestion? Decide the date you'll quit - September 1, or end of the year, or whatever. Having that to look forward to will let your mind be less paralyzed and give you the time to get your ducks in a row to get the BUNAC visa and plan where in Canada to head for. I've never met anyone from Ireland or the UK who hasn't loved year-abroad schemes they participated in. Canadians are fantastically nice people, there are plenty of Brits up there and you'll have a blast. I decided to move to New York over the space of a week - if you're leaving solo you don't need to over think it.
posted by jamesonandwater at 12:33 PM on July 24, 2005
My suggestion? Decide the date you'll quit - September 1, or end of the year, or whatever. Having that to look forward to will let your mind be less paralyzed and give you the time to get your ducks in a row to get the BUNAC visa and plan where in Canada to head for. I've never met anyone from Ireland or the UK who hasn't loved year-abroad schemes they participated in. Canadians are fantastically nice people, there are plenty of Brits up there and you'll have a blast. I decided to move to New York over the space of a week - if you're leaving solo you don't need to over think it.
posted by jamesonandwater at 12:33 PM on July 24, 2005
I just quit a job I hated last week. I put a bunch of resumes out before I quit and have had a couple interviews, but don't have anything set in stone yet. I don't entirely regret it but I do wish I had a job waiting for me.
I'd suggest you spend a little time working out where you're going next and then quit. Even if you do ultimatealy decide you have to quit before you have something secured it can't hurt to at least try for a bit first.
posted by jheiz at 12:42 PM on July 24, 2005
I'd suggest you spend a little time working out where you're going next and then quit. Even if you do ultimatealy decide you have to quit before you have something secured it can't hurt to at least try for a bit first.
posted by jheiz at 12:42 PM on July 24, 2005
In February, I quit a job that I love/hated. It paid reasonably well, too. Despite the fact that I'm barely working part-time right now and my savings are all but depleted, I have no regrets.
posted by solid-one-love at 12:55 PM on July 24, 2005
posted by solid-one-love at 12:55 PM on July 24, 2005
Does your boss value you? Have you emphasized to him/her your feeling that another job would suit you better? Is there any opportunity to move sideways in the company into something you'd like more?
Maybe something to explore.
posted by Aknaton at 1:10 PM on July 24, 2005
Maybe something to explore.
posted by Aknaton at 1:10 PM on July 24, 2005
it might be best to give them two weeks notice ... and i think you should have an idea of where you're going to, not just what you're leaving
posted by pyramid termite at 3:05 PM on July 24, 2005
posted by pyramid termite at 3:05 PM on July 24, 2005
2nd Aknatons suggestion. You say you're not qualified to do anything else, discuss with your manager development opportunities or maybe a course that could improve your prospects. Have you got any holidays owing to you, if you do, suggest you take them, then look for something else.
posted by Chimp at 3:24 PM on July 24, 2005
posted by Chimp at 3:24 PM on July 24, 2005
If you understand this is the cause of an unnatural situation, then you're acting rationally to correct it, right?
A word to the wise. I'm doing the same thing.
posted by rhizome23 at 3:43 PM on July 24, 2005
A word to the wise. I'm doing the same thing.
posted by rhizome23 at 3:43 PM on July 24, 2005
Give three week's notice. Spend the next three weeks sending out resumes and looking for jobs. If you get any job offers or interviews, tell them you are willing to start after six weeks. This will give you three weeks between jobs to bum around. And you'll enjoy your vacation more if you know that you don't have to bust ass to find a job when you get back.
posted by ColdChef at 4:49 PM on July 24, 2005
posted by ColdChef at 4:49 PM on July 24, 2005
I'm going to reinforce what others have said - grasp onto another branch with your other hand before letting go of the one (job) you have right now.
I was completely burnt out and just generally feeling shitting about my first job after college; it was really really bad (in my mind) so I set a date (December 31st - which was 3 months down the line) that I'd quit and to give me time to find another job. A week later, a senior VP flew in from the East coast and told us that they were shutting down West coast opperations... December 31st.
Since the money's ok, have you thought about taking night classes as mental/social stimuli? It'd potentially let you gain more skills, and it'd give you an opportunity to socialize. How about volunteering with your local (R)SPCA or with a soup-kitchen?
As for working in Canada - try getting something set up... work (depending on which kind) might be hard to come by.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 8:23 PM on July 24, 2005
I was completely burnt out and just generally feeling shitting about my first job after college; it was really really bad (in my mind) so I set a date (December 31st - which was 3 months down the line) that I'd quit and to give me time to find another job. A week later, a senior VP flew in from the East coast and told us that they were shutting down West coast opperations... December 31st.
Since the money's ok, have you thought about taking night classes as mental/social stimuli? It'd potentially let you gain more skills, and it'd give you an opportunity to socialize. How about volunteering with your local (R)SPCA or with a soup-kitchen?
As for working in Canada - try getting something set up... work (depending on which kind) might be hard to come by.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 8:23 PM on July 24, 2005
Absolutely not: to make an effective employment transition you need confidence - you can't do it without it. And you're not going to be confident going into any interview knowing that as soon as they ask you what you're doing at the moment there's going to be this huge fumbling silence with tumbleweed rolling through the office whilst you struggle to explain why you were daft enough to quit a job without lining up another one first. Such a display of wanton daftness will also seriously undermine and contradict your case that you're the man for the job.
Also, PurplePorpoise makes an excellent point - if you need education or skills to make the transition, then those options are available to you, could be capitalized on whilst you're looking for a new job, and would give you a goal to focus your mind away from the day to day drudgery you dislike so much.
Finally, it is possible that we have come to expect too much from a job - from Stephen Pollan's Die Broke:
"It's rare today for a job to be secure and rewarding both emotionally and financially - ...focus on what you're doing as a job... not necessarily a career, and view your job primarily as an income-generating device."
posted by forallmankind at 10:46 PM on July 24, 2005
Also, PurplePorpoise makes an excellent point - if you need education or skills to make the transition, then those options are available to you, could be capitalized on whilst you're looking for a new job, and would give you a goal to focus your mind away from the day to day drudgery you dislike so much.
Finally, it is possible that we have come to expect too much from a job - from Stephen Pollan's Die Broke:
"It's rare today for a job to be secure and rewarding both emotionally and financially - ...focus on what you're doing as a job... not necessarily a career, and view your job primarily as an income-generating device."
posted by forallmankind at 10:46 PM on July 24, 2005
Response by poster: Thanks for the thoughts. It is useful to hear your points of view.
It's not so much that this job is unrewarding, as that it's a negative situation, for me anyway. I'm sure people have to put up with a lot worse, but being on my own is the thing that gets me.
I'll mull it over this week.
posted by lunkfish at 11:58 PM on July 24, 2005
It's not so much that this job is unrewarding, as that it's a negative situation, for me anyway. I'm sure people have to put up with a lot worse, but being on my own is the thing that gets me.
I'll mull it over this week.
posted by lunkfish at 11:58 PM on July 24, 2005
Besides monetary awards (that's probably the only reason why you call your job rewarding), also think about what you are loosing by remaining in such a negative environment. You said you have a lot of energy, where would you rather direct that to? Is your passion being drained? Your soul sucked out of your body so you're becoming a drone?
There are some things that are a lot more difficult to recover than money and security, like a sense of self worth, happiness.
Good things happen to happy people. if you know what you want (you clearly know what you DON'T want), start making steps to make it happen. You know what's best for you.
posted by margaretlam at 6:07 AM on July 25, 2005
There are some things that are a lot more difficult to recover than money and security, like a sense of self worth, happiness.
Good things happen to happy people. if you know what you want (you clearly know what you DON'T want), start making steps to make it happen. You know what's best for you.
posted by margaretlam at 6:07 AM on July 25, 2005
I totally second the comments about getting some additional education. It will give your brain some new material to digest, thus helping with the boredom and monotony, and will also make you more appealing to any potential employer down the road. It can also help by exposing you to alternative careers and paths.
If your financial situation prevents you from enrolling in classes or workshops, try volunteering. I have been an ESL volunteer for a few months now and not only does it serve as some distraction from my own well-paying but (at times) mind-numbing job, I have begun to learn about concrete ways this skill could help me get a more adventurous, satisfying job in the future. This probably applies to most volunteer experiences in a wide range of careers. I never had the time to volunteer while in college but now it is a great balancing factor in the way I spend my time. Either way - good luck to you.
posted by pants at 7:39 AM on July 25, 2005
If your financial situation prevents you from enrolling in classes or workshops, try volunteering. I have been an ESL volunteer for a few months now and not only does it serve as some distraction from my own well-paying but (at times) mind-numbing job, I have begun to learn about concrete ways this skill could help me get a more adventurous, satisfying job in the future. This probably applies to most volunteer experiences in a wide range of careers. I never had the time to volunteer while in college but now it is a great balancing factor in the way I spend my time. Either way - good luck to you.
posted by pants at 7:39 AM on July 25, 2005
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by geoff. at 12:01 PM on July 24, 2005