How to Handle the Hormones
May 16, 2012 9:56 AM Subscribe
Emotional cheating vs. Real Life cheating (with prostitutes!) or how to handle hormones...
posted by anonymous to human relations (71 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I am a dude, 30, heterosexual. I've been dating an amazing woman for almost 8 months. She's everything to me, funny, brilliant, sexy and awesome. It's the best relationship I've ever had, and I've never been happier.
Unfortunately, for work I have to leave my home, and live alone in a country where prostitution is legal. For two months. Girlfriend is back in the states--we've emailed or called nearly every day. Things are good, and we're communicating well--and although we miss each other a lot, we're doing a lot to stay in contact.
HOWEVER, I've been spending a lot of time fantasizing about having sex with a prostitute. Manual stimulation doesn't seem to cut it anymore, and I've spent hours planning and researching. Even walking by the brothel gives me a huge thrill. I keep thinking that I could just go and have safe covered sex and not tell my girlfriend. There'd be no way that she'd ever know, and it'd satisfy this fantasy.
I know that this emotional cheating. And I'm a shitty person and boyfriend for it even THINKING about it, not to mention the obviously fuckup-ness of prostitution and sex-slave trafficking.
Here's where my head is: Part of me thinks that I should break up with her because I've got these weird feelings. I don't think that I could talk to her about being poly/non-monogamous, because I don't think she'd be into it, and also I don't think i could handle it, etc ---that's like opening a whole other can of worms.
I don't really think breakup is the right solution. She is so awesome, caring and loving, and she and I both feel like we've met someone really special. I care so much about her and I think we would both be devastated if I broke things off abruptly. And it seems stupid to break up for a month just so I can get my rocks off. Everything in the relationship has been really good--we have great sex, have tons of fun together, and make each other laugh. I don't really want to break up with her over this issue, especially since I will be coming back in a month. I just want to get laid--to fulfill a fantasy. I do not want to start a different relationship. I certainly don't want to date the prostitutes.
But I am really struggling to last the month--and I'm pretty sure that this fantasy won't go away even once I get back home. So, to avoid harming her/hurting feelings, I should probably stop dating her...which means that I should just give up on the idea of being in a committed relationship?
I've even thought about the skyping my girlfriend, doing some kind of cybersex thing, where she role-plays a prostitute...but...i don't think that it will help. I mean, even the idea of talking to her about my feelings...I think will end up doing the relationship more harm than good. I mean, imagine: "hey, i've been thinking about having sex with prostitutes all the time, but I also really miss you!"--sounds like a recipe for a major relationship turmoil.
Part of me thinks that I should just go and get it out of my system, and as long as I am very conscientious regarding my condom use, it will be fine because the women at the brothel are visited regularly by a doctor (see--I even did research).
I'm sure that there are a million terrible ideas to this (an still-obvious STD danger, not being honest to a partner, and then having to live with the horrible guilt of it).
I guess what I'm really asking Mefi, what is the appropriate way to handle my hormones or this fantasy?