He is an old friend of mine, and I recently helped him out by getting him a role at our company where I am senior developer.
Issue is buddy demonstrates a supremely arrogant streak, and loses his temper during discussions about architecture – when the approach under discussion is not his and tends to pout for the afternoon or storm off. This has come to a situation where I want to terminate his contract and will also probably terminate a very old friendship.
Catharsis below the fold...
posted by the noob to human relations (22 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Is there a way I can terminate his contract and remain friends? We share a sense of humor, been through a lot together, and have known each other for about 20 years.
He also constantly and very publicly calls me out on technical matters then retracts privately. He disagrees with any approach that isn’t his, and loses his temper –next day he will privately apologize and the cycle begins again. In his first ICT team meeting I invited him to, the business were asking me if we could improve a feature of some UI that doesn’t render brilliantly in IE7 – I told them that given their requirements for how the UI must function it’s about as good as we can make it for IE7 – he says - “I would say that you’re doing it wrong then”. CIO looks at me, PM looks at me – I’m embarrassed. Thanks buddy.
After the meeting I ask his advice, and show him the problem. He then agrees with me that that’s just IE7, and with a lot of coding we could do something different – which we had considered. This is an intranet app that uses IE8/9. Later we’re walking up to lunch and he apologizes.
It wont' matter what the task is. If I assign him a task it's impossible, can't be done, insane, badly thought out, won't work. What I have tended to do is code a prototype and show my lead developer, then old buddy can understand that it's not any of the above and takes it on board - and typically does a great job.
I’ve been asked to start using agile in the business, and have attempted to introduce the team to scrum. I have been doing some scrum training – and it’s part of the continuous improvement the business has asked me to undertake (all dept heads have to do something for continuous improvement). While showing the team how the scrum works, my buddy kept telling me that we might as well use MS Project, and that MS Project is better etc. I attempted to explain that the two are different, and why – and also that this is a change that the business wants.
Anyway, some heat, usual push back, and we agreed to disagree with me going home and frustrated and annoyed – it’s just typical pushback from old buddy. Next morning, he’s probably done some reading, and he tells me he’s fully on board – great, so we start breaking up this small test project into stories/tasks. Again – it starts – this won’t work etc, blah blah, risky etc. He doesn’t get it, it’s clear, though he tells me he’s used scrum.
This is a small highly visible project that the business has given me to test agile. I have a plan B in my pocket that only me, the lead developer and the PM know about – so fuck it. So I agree with him that it’s too risky, pull plan B out, say where doing this instead, we need to deliver by end of June and I can’t be fucked arguing – it’s essentially using another system that doesn’t require development, and means the project is cancelled, means his contract is, well, cancelled. That’s where we left it. He stormed off in a huff – kinda always does, but this time I want it to be terminal. He will come back on Monday and be fully on board, until...
What are some words I can use? I’m angry, I don’t like getting angry, and I try to keep a level head. I think I’m beyond “when you say this, it makes me feel this”
I actually think he's a bit of a bully in a weird perverse way, his behaviour is designed to make me feel bad, but will very discreetly and privately apologise, I wonder if he knows he's doing it. Has a bully effect on me, I obsess and lose sleep.
Thanks for listening.