Help this amazing, but neurotic young woman, not drown in this overwhelming work situation.
May 6, 2012 2:41 PM Subscribe
Help me get through a toxic and stressful situation (revolves around work) and successfully get some coping mechanisms (and cajones) for the first time ever.
After a couple years of amazing- work has gotten tough-and I need help getting through it- and I respect you guys on MeFi a lot... I'm getting support but there must be some other things I could be doing. I've attempted to write in order of: context, challenge, question.
I only mention all the following because I want to show how difficult I can find things, and explain how I DO have coping mechanisms- just not great ones.
A few years ago, I experienced some considerable back to back major crap- my mom died and I got divorced at almost the same time. In addition, while I've always been quite sucessful on the surface (honors BA from a great University, teaching credential, respected at work) my 20's were always been peppered with periods where I quite sick with bulimia, dabbled with drugs, and definitely drank to much.
I went a little nuts after this and took I job in England that was really not great for me (I was working 70 hours a week unsuccessfully and worrying about it the rest of the time I was awake) I faked it until I DIDN'T make it. I never stood up for myself. I couldn't articulate any of the how's and why's that went into my work. I guess my downfall was a little mix of perfection with fear of people being disappointed in me. Hence my need for cajones.
I then got into an abusive situation (a lot of which I blame on spending most of my 20's married not quite married but definitely wrapped in cotton wool) where I knew really nobody outside of work (which was not going well) and was really isolated.
I ended up having a mental breakdown. All by myself. In a foreign country. It took 2 years before I was able to work again, most of that time I was sat in my pyjamas up in the PNW. Then I thought "Miss Pony- you can give it one more shot" And I did! I got a one job that lead me to Mr. Pony, and another that lead me to this job. Life the last 2 years has been pretty amazing.
My job is perfect perfect perfect for me, but riddled with toxic people/problems that has lead to some pretty serious breakdowns in how well I can do my job. We are now VERY understaffed and its taking its toll. I could go on and on, but I imagine most of you know what a tough work situation is like.
It's making me really angry, I'm not coping that well. I get a few weeks of okay, but then get overwhelmed, I start to worry... and spend 3 days agitated and prone to rage at poor mr. Pony and stay up all night :-(, spend the next few days exhausted from it... and terrified Mr. Pony thinks I'm a loser.... Then I feel back in control for a while- happy, grateful, calm- but just about anything can throw me, and the fact that work is not going to get better makes me think I really need to not have a repeat performance and its time to batten down the hatches.
I don't make much money but am on the waiting list for NHS psychological services and I imagine that will help a lot. Not so keen on meds though, the side effects of the few that have helped were horrible, and I'd like this to spur some life changes more than anything else. But I can't financially (and career wise) leave my job. And I honestly, most of the time, think I can get through this.
And so now for my questions:
1.) What can I do immediately to start taking control?
2.) What are some easy things that I can start doing in my routine that will help me stay a little more sane?
3.) Are there books, cd's, movies that you cannot help but be distracted by?
4.) Any life balance tips?
Thanks everyone in advance!