Boyfriend still uses okcupid
May 5, 2012 8:42 AM Subscribe
Boyfriend still uses okcupid.
posted by teaforone to human relations (52 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I actually met on okcupid. We moved the conversation to facebook, then phone, then we eventually met in person.
We are so good together in so many ways...but I felt bothered by him still checking up on his account.
I had mine up for a bit, but I changed the status to "Seeing someone". He, however kept his as single, and he was logging in quite often. He then said he would get those email reminders to come back to the site. Which, I understand since I used to get them too.
Finally, I decided to talk to him about it. He kept saying that he forgot about the site, which... doesn't make sense since he was on it frequently. I shared with him how I felt uncomfy with him having "single" as his relationship status. He of course made it funny and changed it to "married".
I guess it all rises from insecurities. But okcupid is a dating website. Sure you can meet friends there. Heck, I have!
He is actually the first person I actually dated from this site though. And it just worries me that he is "shopping".
He then proceeded to tell me that he still looks at girls, even ones that he doesn't find attractive because he just likes to see what people have to say. He says he can get an unbiased opinion over things since they are strangers. It's kind of odd...why would he need to satisfy these urges to know what girls think of guys when he has a girlfriend? He then proceeded to say that he doesn't message anyone.
I just have to say... girls usually write about themselves and what they want in their profiles. I don't really remember coming across profiles of girls writing their very long opinions of men in their "about me" section.
I told my friend about this, and she checked out his profile but didn't message him ( I guess a trick some people do?). He never met this friend of mine (he is away at school). She told me he looked at her profile back, but didn't message her...
He kept saying how he keeps it because it reminds him of how we started talking. I never pushed him to delete it, but I do know you can disable the account (which I ended up doing). He talks about how he looks at my pictures sometimes. But, funny thing... he never comes up in the list of guys who visited my profile (and he came up in my friends...so..). So, he was lying right there. He also, was visiting the site while in the middle of talking to me. How can you feel okay looking around while you are in a conversation with your girlfriend?
He then went on to say it has just been a habit for so long..which, yes, I get that too. I really do. But it was more of a habit when I was SINGLE.
I guess facebook isn't much different from this site, but facebook isn't stating details about what you want romantically. It's more like social networking mostly among friends.
I just.. I don't want to be upset about this, but it's so hard not to.
I read another metafilter from a guys perspective and someone wrote how you can't stop someone from falling in love. it can happen at any moment. even while walking down a street and passing someone or something.
but, um...usually when you have someone, i figured those feelings were reserved for that person already.
He tells me he loves me, is everything he wants. He is in contact with me daily. But it seems fishy...
He said he will delete it if I really want him too. But I don't want to take away his freedom. I just want there to not be more options to stray. I believe I am a pretty kick ass girlfriend. We have all the same interests, humor. I have traveled Europe on my own, performed on stage with some big names, all my friends state how I am so gorgeous and interesting, and any guy should feel priviledged to be with me. My guy friends say any guy would be lucky to have me, and how I am very intelligent. This is why I am so confused! It's just like... am I not good enough? What do you guys want, jeez!!!
Any advice? I am just sick of it tearing my brain apart.