Needless to say, this is a bit complex.
I'm a 28 year-old man living over 1700 miles from his family. This will most likely be conducted over the telephone, not in person.
First, I'll start with how I came to identify as bisexual. Next, I will give a little bit of background for each of my family members. Lastly, I will pose some questions which I hope some of you can help me answer, based on the information in this post. However, if any of you have questions for me
, I have set up email@example.com
for anonymous correspondence. However, please try not to email answers unless you also post them in this thread
, as I hope my situation might benefit another soul out there who is grappling with similar issues.
I have always been attracted to men, and throughout my life I've responded to that attraction in different ways. Never in a negative way. But never really in an active way, either. Until January of this year, when I finally came across the right person on this gigantic planet who embodied a myriad of the qualities my attraction seems to search for. One night he and I got busy- busier than any of my previous homosexual experiences. It was oral sex, but hot, passionate oral sex is still sex none the less. Up to that point in my life, I had identified as straight. But a poor straight man I would have become, as such a homosexual experience as that is something I like, repeatedly. In February, I came out to a close friend and eventually most everyone in my present life. Most of them aren't surprised.
However, I think my family would be surprised. I have lived far across the country from them since I was 18, and it was only after moving out of the house at that age that I began my homosexual experiences. They have met every girl I've ever seriously dated, they have never met the guys (or girls) I've fooled around with. Two years ago, I began volunteering for the local Pride Parade, and they were confused as to why. So I really can't imagine they'll see this coming.
That said, I'm mostly concerned about explaining myself to my father. He is 73, and last February he went under the knife for a triple bypass and had a couple valves flushed. It was preventative, and he is back to his old self now, but at the time it was terrifying. I found out when I received a phone call from my parents about 6 hours before he was scheduled for surgery. Then it was three and a half days of silence. I couldn't get in touch with them, and I understood why that was, but I couldn't help but desire to connect with my family. Most desperately, I vowed that they would know me for who I am before any one of us (of which there are 5) go. Part of our identity as a person is our sexual identity, and this they must know. I want to explain to my father why I am coming out to him, but I don't even know where to begin. He's never been outwardly homophobic, but I've never really seen him in a conversation that's related to anything LGBT.
However, I do know where I want to begin as far as which family member I will call, first. My younger sister is a very down-to-earth person, and I think would be the most accepting of the family. What I mean to say is that she wouldn't make me feel like I had to explain myself. She will probably just note this newly revealed fact about my life and carry on as we were.
From there I will probably tell my brother. However, we rarely actually talk on the phone. How do I begin a conversation that will largely consist of coming out to someone I should really catch up to, first?
I don't know why, but I get the feeling that the relationships between my family and I will be forever altered. I do know that there really is no way to tell how they'll react until they're given the opportunity, but is there any way to ease the worry and make sure I'm heard through the swell of confusion this is likely to cause?
I am worried that the only constant relationships in my life, that of me and my family (and especially my parents), will drastically change and set my world in a spin.