Help Me Navigate and Not Screw Up this Budding Online Relationship
April 26, 2012 9:26 AM Subscribe
I've been talking to a guy online for 4 months. He's cute and seems like a decent, fun guy w/ a full life and lots of friends. We've exchanged a lot of info/flirted through email, but nothing too deep. At first he took great interest in me - emailing me with open ended questions, always asking how I was doing and replying a day or two later. I went away for 2 weeks and he said he'd miss me, etc. Because of how silly I was with the guy I liked before him I was trying to manage my expectations ("nothing could come of it and it'd be okay!" I told myself) and play things cool by only reciprocating what he gave me, but recently we've hit a snag...
posted by soooo to Human Relations (71 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
3 weeks ago I mentioned an event coming up in passing and he asked me outright if I wanted to go with him. Finally! I said yes and made a joke. He responded saying fantastic and commented on the joke w/ one of his own. I felt like his reply was curt and should have included details about the date so I decided to not say anything else. 2 weeks passed and the event was leaving town. He came online the last day of the event but didn't write me. I still hadn't written him either.
I broke my own rule (sort of) by emailing him a short message pointing to a link I thought he would enjoy. I say sort of because technically I had never responded. He answered right away saying how much he liked the link and made a comment. No mention of our missed date! I replied and it took him 8 days to finally reply to me, today! A light, short message/joke unrelated to our date; no open ended question, no asking how I've been!
In the past we've made small talk about meeting up twice.. (one serious where he threw out some options and I said I'd be ok with either but asked another question in my reply and we kept talking from there) and one joke (where I said I was starving and he offered to cook for me if I came over). Other times he'd ask me what I had planned for the weekend and I would say work or tell him my plans but that never went anywhere with him suggesting something.
He is a self professed nerd and says he is kind of shy, but I don't trust that shy guy crap after the last guy I thought was shy!
Now, I don't know what to say to him. Should I just forget this one and call it a lost cause? Should I reply to him and apologize for not replying/mentioning the date and let him know I'm still game if he wants to try again? Should I ask how he's been - try to start up a conversation again? I feel like there's this big elephant in the room we are both avoiding!
The last thing I want to do is chase this guy after my last experience so I don't know if I should interpret his short, spaced out replies as telling me politely he is disinterested since before he showed such interest in what I was up to ... and I don't want to push him away and appear clingy if he's just in that retreat phase but could come around. I also don't want him to think I was not interested when I didn't reply after he said fantastic, because I actually like what I know of him and want to get to know him better. I just want things to be easy and flow naturally, help me navigate this "mindfield" I'm on!