Thou Shalt Lay Off
April 13, 2012 7:21 AM Subscribe
I need to word a kind and compassionate email (or phone call) to my mother. Can you help me do this?
posted by Sassyfras to Human Relations (13 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My sister was recently diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. She's 40. Surgery is scheduled for next month. Right now she's in a lot of pain and not getting around very well. She lives a few states away from my parents. My mother and father would like to go to her and be a help to her and to my sister's husband - especially during the time of the surgery and recovery.
However, as I was talking to my sister, she mentioned that she was very wary of having my parents come due to my mother's inclination to talk and push religion A LOT.
My mother is very very devout in her religion and raised us all in the religion. Only my older brother and I are still practicing said religion. My mother holds on to fear that my sister is in apostasy and should she die in such a state she would be cut off from the family and a lovely hereafter. Because of this my mother is always bringing up religion to my sister and sometimes chastising her for not following the religion.
My sister is very spiritual in the positive-thinking, feeling, healing powers of the universe type of way. But since she is not following The Gospel, my mom fears she is doomed.
When I talked to my sister she mentioned that she would appreciate the help from my parents but that she cannot handle the religious talk and she would feel bad if she were to have to tell my parents that they have to go at some point. I cleared it with her to drop some hints to my mom about backing off the religion stuff.
I need to find the words to tell my mother in a kind and compassionate way to back off any and all talk of religion unless my sister explicitly asks. She is doing damage by always bringing it up. However, she brings it up because she is full of fear and feels like she has to take any opportunity to turn her wayward children toward the truth. Now that my sister is quite ill, I can only imagine my mother amping up her efforts so that my sister doesn't die in an apostate state.
Any ideas on how to word such an email or phone conversation? In my mom's mind she has a legitimate reason for pushing the religion on her daughter, however, it is driving my sister away and in her time of greatest need she is considering not having her parents there due to this.