how to get close to a shy guy
April 12, 2012 1:04 AM Subscribe
Tips for getting to know an introverted, smart guy better?
posted by bearette to Human Relations (6 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I know there are lots of smart, introverted guys with backgrounds in science fields on this site. And I find myself getting to know, possibly in a dating scenario (but not yet sure) a guy who fits into this general category. So I am looking for suggestions on how to approach this/him.
I'm trying not to over-think this, and want to go with the flow as much as possible, but any general tips and suggestions would be great.
I'm an American female, early 30's, working in China. One of the part-time assistants in the office where I work is in his mid-20's and a graduate student (physics, if it matters). I usually make friends readily with those younger than myself and have become friendly with most of the assistants. The guy in question, we'll call him Q, is quite introverted, though friendly when talking to him one-on-one.
In the past he hadn't talked much to me, but one day a few months ago he asked me what I usually do on weekends. After that I started to invite him to some activities I would do with others. Then I found out he liked a Chinese girl his age, so I dialed down my expectations; however, she was not interested.
Later on I started noticing he would sort of follow me around a little bit during some activities, so I started to wonder if he had a crush. A little while later he asked me if I'd like to go to a play (which he had already seen but said he wanted to see again), but he framed it "you guys", implicitly inviting me and others I hung out with regularly. I later invited him to a group dinner after which the two of us talked a bit one-on-one.
He had mentioned before that it would be good to practice English reading with me, so over IM I asked him if he'd want to meet to help each other out with language (me Chinese, him English). He immediately agreed and suggested we meet that same day; we met and had a nice conversation for a couple of hours.
Two days later he was at the office again; he presented me with the book I had mentioned wanting to read,which he bought for me. But he was not talkative when I tried to engage in conversation (well, he was for a bit, but went back to doing something on his computer, maybe stuff for class. He is quite involved in his studies and lab work). I saw him again today and he was more talkative and discussed our plans to see a movie this weekend (with others).
Sorry for the long-windedness. I've never been interested in a guy this shy before, because I am quite shy myself. Plus, I am a few years older than him, and American. This gives me the sense that even if he were interested (I can't be positive of that either) he probably wouldn't make a direct move. (Chinese guys tend to be a little intimidated by Western women, for some background; also, I don't know what he feels about my age).
We will probably meet again one-on-one soon, for another "language exchange". I'm not looking to directly state to him that I like him, but...I would like to "move things along", maybe by getting physically closer.
Does anyone, particularly guys of this type of girls who have dated this type of guy, have a suggestion? Things we can do? Scenarios? Ways I can show interest without being too intimidating?
I want to keep this light but at the same time am interested in some fun suggestions.
As for what I am looking for: just to get to know this guy better, and to maybe to start with a causal romance that could maybe become serious.
Thanks a lot!
PS_ we will not be working together for much longer.