How do relationships work when one person has limited time and the other has ADHD?
April 11, 2012 5:58 AM Subscribe
My availability is minimal, and my absolutely wonderful boyfriend is a fairly bad planner (due to ADHD)...how do we go about making sure that we see each other without me feeling like I'm controlling and him trying to see somewhat into the future to make a plan?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (13 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
We're both in our early 30s, have been together for about 9 months, and live about 45 minutes from each other. We love spending time together and have a blast, but my childless time is at a minimum, so I do need to plan ahead when I want to see people without kids around.
When it comes to spending time with my boyfriend, I feel like I'm doing most of the planning, initiating the conversation to make the plan ("Do you want to go out on Wednesday?"), etc. Sometimes he forgets that we have made tentative plans and I end up feeling let down.
When I don't initiate, we end up trying to get together at the last minute, and it doesn't always work out. I end up feeling like a convenience more than someone he would go out of his way to see. But I know that this is not true, he does want to see me, he cares about me, etc. I am hesitant to propose any kind of schedule; I personally don't like the idea of locking in anyone's time or feeling obligations on either end.
When we talk about it, he feels that he is initiating and that I am just not picking up on it. He does admit that he has a hard time making plans. I feel like the lack of time we have together is having a direct effect on our relationship developing further (if we really don't see each other regularly, we aren't connecting as often face to face).
I love this guy. I think about him all the time. He makes me happy and I would love to see him more often. So!
How do you recommend we change this pattern? Or, is this how it is going to work given the factors I've mentioned? OR, perhaps I am overthinking this and should just let things be?