Salvage this breakup or let it go and move on? Is she mature enough for this relationship?
April 6, 2012 8:19 PM Subscribe
Am I doing the right thing with this breakup? Is there hope or do I need to push through it?
posted by ot_refresh to Human Relations (27 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Well, my Fiancée and I have been together for two years. We met online, had an LDR for 6 months and moved in. It's been a year and a half since then.
We've had ups and downs but overall we've always shared a lot of joy in our life together. She is my best friend. We had a plan to move where I lived first, save up some money and move back to where she is from ultimately. I have my masters degree but she left college (around the time she met me when she moved down with me, however she always said shed start college again here - that never happened).
I love her so very much, but she has always been fairly selfish. I do all the laundry, cleaning, 90% of cooking, take care of pets, handles finances. Two months ago I got her to find a job and she has been working there since. She is unhappy at her job and has gained some weight due to metabolism changes and lack of eating pattern changes. She told me she wants to take 6 months off of work to focus on fitness and losing weight. I told her that is unacceptable to our plan of moving and starting a solid life, so she said I am stepping on her dreams.
I told her why not find a part time and do that or go back to school? She is dead set on quitting.
She has also been quite depressed for at least 6 months but won't see anyone about it. Her weight has only made the depression worse (ex athlete).
I have tried to be supportive and she is my love and my best friend but our relationship has 0 intimacy, sex or otherwise, is mostly a "we live together and hang out" kind of deal. It's sad, I wanted a life with her.
Recently, I had something amazing come my way in terms of career. I found my life's calling teaching and due to the people I know here i can teach in two amazing institutions where I can make a big difference, make great $ doing it, and Help bring our dreams to reality.
Big issue: this requires staying here since the opportunities are here. Ive told her its what I know to be my life's purpose and how I want to leave my mark on the world and help generations.
She's made it clear she misses her family and Friends.
I don't know what to do. We're at the make or break point. I either move with her and keep working on fixing things, like the selfishness, her depression, stick with her and hope we can push through it and sacrifice my dream or I choose the dream and give up on her. As she puts it "I ruined her life, made her drop out of school and move away from my loved ones and now you changed the deal. You lied."
I didn't lie, I do love her, but the dream opportunity of a lifetime is right here.
She blames her distance and apathy on her depression, saying that she doesn't love herself so why would she want to hug kiss sex etc
Everyone I know is saying end it. I don't know. I love her and I dont want to abandon her but things have been really bad as p late, but we have sweet moments and she is my best friend
Ahhh confusion :-/ I don't know where To go from here
We talked about it and she said shed move back home and that I betrayed her and lied to her, ruined her life, etc but I know if I said I'd move with her we could move past this.
Is it worth it? Is there something greater than love?