Asked my boyfriend if he was gay, and feel awful now. Help!
April 5, 2012 9:00 AM Subscribe
Questioned my boyfriend's sexuality... realize I may have crossed a line. Help please?
posted by Teradactyl to human relations (53 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Let me give you some background info.
My best friend of many years is currently going through a divorce because two months ago, her husband came out of the closet and is now openly gay with a coworker. The three of us (my friend, her husband, and I) have been close friends for about 7 years. They dated for 3 years and would have been married 3 years next month. We all felt very comfortable with each other and, having gone through high school and college together, felt like we knew each other inside and out. Needless to say, both my friend and I were completely blindsided by her husband's coming out, my friend especially. She has been having a rough time processing her divorce and the fact that someone who was gay all along married her in the first place.
Now onto my boyfriend: we have been together about 3 months now, and he is a really great guy. He recently started a new job and is good friends with his male boss. They text each other and hang out outside of work... and I realize this is not unusual behavior, for a man to have a male friend he talks to and spends time with, and my boyfriend has other friends that I've never worried about in this way. I don't know what it is, actually, but I just had a weird feeling about the boss. My roommate mentioned that she found it kind of odd how often they communicate outside of work, even, and we hadn't even been discussing it. Anyway, last night when I went over to his place, he ran outside to bring his boss, who was waiting downstairs, a growler that he'd picked up at a local brewery. He came back up and we hung out a bit, but after a while he pulled out his phone and when I glanced over I saw that he was texting his boss.
I realize now that I was overreacting, but I started thinking about my friend's situation, and the comment my roommate had made, and somehow convinced myself that I should be concerned about my boyfriend's sexuality. When we went to bed last night I calmly told him I needed to ask him something, but knew it would offend him and that I was sorry. I then asked if anything was going on between he and his boss. He, naturally, was very hurt by my question and said that he wasn't, but that he now felt that I considered him effeminate and would always question it in the back of my mind. I tried reassuring him and smoothing things over, and after about twenty minutes of talking we seemed to have worked it out, but I know I bruised his pride and I don't know if he's really okay or just putting on an act.
I've never had reason to question his sexual orientation before, and I realize I was hypersensitive because of my friend's situation. Do you think I've made a serious blunder? If so, what do I do?
Thanks for your help.