Is this a red flag or just a pink one?
March 25, 2012 3:20 PM Subscribe
Should I be concerned about this minor but weird apparent untruth by my SO, or let it go?
posted by Pomo to human relations (53 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I live with my SO of one year. The other night around midnight we were sitting together and his phone lit up with a text. He was doing something else and didn't pick it up so I told him he had a text and he just shrugged. It displayed a girl's name I didn't recognize.
I was cheated on in my relationship just prior to this and am admittedly oversensitive about such things. So I asked him a little while later whether everything was ok and why he was getting texts so late at night.
He said he hadn't seen a text and showed me his phone which didn't have anything from around that time. I told him the name I had seen and he said he didn't know anyone by that name. He showed me his contacts list which doesn't have that name on it. I explained that I'm just hypersensitive due to the prior cheating and he said "you know I'm not cheating on you, that would be practically impossible" (since we see each other almost all the time, presumably). I thought that wasn't the most reassuring things to say but he is, generally, clueless about trust issues, not being the jealous type at all. We don't often have heart-to-heart type conversations and I think he's uncomfortable with that sort of thing.
The thing is, I wouldn't have cared particularly about the text itself -- if he had acknowledged that someone messaged him and left it at that, no big deal. I do realize he can have friends besides me. However, I know he does have a contact with that name on another device (he doesn't know I know), and it occurs to me that he could have deleted the contact and messages from his phone. That's what sets me on edge.
On the other hand, it could be a weird technological glitch and he may genuinely be confused about my concerns.
Given that he has never done anything else that set off red flags or caused me distrust, and that I am already known to be mildly paranoid, should I drop this? I don't want to snoop and I don't want to interrogate him and risk relationship discord. But I also don't want to be a sucker. Thoughts, please?