I've got a few hangups.
March 21, 2012 12:35 PM Subscribe
Should I ignore occasional--maybe accidental--hangups from a former coworker?
An old coworker of mine whom I haven't seen or worked with in over a year reached out to me for a favor via Facebook a few months ago. I said I couldn't help, and she then unfriended me. OK, whatever.
Not long after, I got a phone call from her in the middle of the night. I didn't answer it. When I listened to the voice mail, it seemed like an accidental butt-dial. Oops, right? Yesterday, she called again, and this message also sounded like an accidental butt-dial. Oops again, or something else?
It occurs to me that an intricate series of events would need to take place in order for her phone to activate itself and dial my number from her purse or pocket, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that these are accidental calls. Still, I'd like them to stop, if all she's going to do is communicate via hangups.
While we were coworkers, we occasionally talked outside the office, so it's not a complete surprise that she has my phone number. I'm reluctant to call this recent behavior stalking. But having read enough threads here about stalking behavior, I'm also reluctant to get in touch with her, as communicating with her might only encourage her to continue. Is this a case of her not knowing it's a problem if I don't tell her it's a problem?
How would you resolve this?
An old coworker of mine whom I haven't seen or worked with in over a year reached out to me for a favor via Facebook a few months ago. I said I couldn't help, and she then unfriended me. OK, whatever.
Not long after, I got a phone call from her in the middle of the night. I didn't answer it. When I listened to the voice mail, it seemed like an accidental butt-dial. Oops, right? Yesterday, she called again, and this message also sounded like an accidental butt-dial. Oops again, or something else?
It occurs to me that an intricate series of events would need to take place in order for her phone to activate itself and dial my number from her purse or pocket, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that these are accidental calls. Still, I'd like them to stop, if all she's going to do is communicate via hangups.
While we were coworkers, we occasionally talked outside the office, so it's not a complete surprise that she has my phone number. I'm reluctant to call this recent behavior stalking. But having read enough threads here about stalking behavior, I'm also reluctant to get in touch with her, as communicating with her might only encourage her to continue. Is this a case of her not knowing it's a problem if I don't tell her it's a problem?
How would you resolve this?
Just out of curiosity -- do either of your names start with "a"? I get several pocket dials a week because mine is the first that comes up if you hit "contacts", which is a button that many phones have as a primary shortcut.
posted by AmandaA at 12:38 PM on March 21, 2012 [10 favorites]
posted by AmandaA at 12:38 PM on March 21, 2012 [10 favorites]
If it were me, I'd just block her number. It sounds like you rarely see her, so this doesn't seem like that big an issue.
posted by runningwithscissors at 12:39 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by runningwithscissors at 12:39 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Uh, one butt dial can often lead to another. She butt dials you once, now you're at the top of the recent calls list, and it's that much easier to do another.
I think this has to be much more of a pattern than it already is before serious concern is warranted.
posted by downing street memo at 12:40 PM on March 21, 2012 [35 favorites]
I think this has to be much more of a pattern than it already is before serious concern is warranted.
posted by downing street memo at 12:40 PM on March 21, 2012 [35 favorites]
Even if your name doesn't start with A, if the second letter of your name is A, she might accidentally call you if she has a blackberry. My cousin Patty hates me now.
posted by acidic at 12:41 PM on March 21, 2012
posted by acidic at 12:41 PM on March 21, 2012
Yeah, it sounds like there was a accidental dial to your name, and then an accidental dial to the first name on the "recently called" list. If it makes you feel better (or if it keeps happening) just block her. But I wouldn't immediately jump to the idea that you're being stalked.
posted by griphus at 12:44 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by griphus at 12:44 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
My phone used to call my doctor against my wishes on a regular basis. I finally had to change his name in my contact list before it got the hint and stopped doing it. I had him in my list as Dr. MyDoctor, too, so don't know why it always picked him out. I had a blackberry then so maybe it is blackberry thing.
posted by katyjack at 12:47 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by katyjack at 12:47 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't see anything in your tale to contraindicate just simply calling her and saying, "Could you please take whatever action is needed to stop butt-dialing me?" perhaps with some of the advice given above. If she hits back with "but you did this and this," yeah, she's maybe got snakes in her head -- block her with good conscience, and walk away. Good luck!
posted by Infinity_8 at 12:51 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Infinity_8 at 12:51 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
I totally accidentally did this to a coworker of mine for exactly the reason people are describing above. She sent me a text saying, "Hey you called me a couple times. Was that on purpose?" And I responded, "Ohmigosh, no, so sorry!" Then I removed her from my recently called list and that was that. It's probably just a careless mistake on her part, so no need to escalate things.
(I also accidentally butt dialed my ex's mom a couple times after we broke up. Whoops..)
posted by chatongriffes at 12:57 PM on March 21, 2012
(I also accidentally butt dialed my ex's mom a couple times after we broke up. Whoops..)
posted by chatongriffes at 12:57 PM on March 21, 2012
I don't see anything in your tale to contraindicate just simply calling her and saying, "Could you please take whatever action is needed to stop butt-dialing me?" perhaps with some of the advice given above.
This...but via text message. Be firm, be concise, but be polite.
posted by wutangclan at 12:58 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
This...but via text message. Be firm, be concise, but be polite.
posted by wutangclan at 12:58 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
Wait - this has only happened twice?
I disagree that she must know that it happened, because on my phone, I only see recent outgoing calls if I specifically select that on the menu.
The next time it happens, send a text message and say something like "hey, you butt-dialed me in the middle of the night a few days ago and it woke me up. no biggie, but could you make sure you don't do it again?"
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:04 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
I disagree that she must know that it happened, because on my phone, I only see recent outgoing calls if I specifically select that on the menu.
The next time it happens, send a text message and say something like "hey, you butt-dialed me in the middle of the night a few days ago and it woke me up. no biggie, but could you make sure you don't do it again?"
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:04 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
Is there some reason you can't deal with this by blocking her number, making your phone ring on silent when its her, or just... not answering when she calls?
Two calls in two weeks or even two days doesn't meet the standard for stalking to me.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:06 PM on March 21, 2012
Two calls in two weeks or even two days doesn't meet the standard for stalking to me.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:06 PM on March 21, 2012
This...but via text message. Be firm, be concise, but be polite.
Could you even plausibly pretend you don't know who is calling? Send a text saying "I am getting repeated hang-up calls from this number. Please ensure your phone is not dialing me by accident." Don't even let on that you know who it is that is doing it, if it is believable that you never had (or no longer have) her number in your phone.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:07 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
Could you even plausibly pretend you don't know who is calling? Send a text saying "I am getting repeated hang-up calls from this number. Please ensure your phone is not dialing me by accident." Don't even let on that you know who it is that is doing it, if it is believable that you never had (or no longer have) her number in your phone.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:07 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I'd guess accidental as well. One of my co-workers has somehow linked my information to his wife's in his phone and he can't figure out how to undo it. I get frequent butt dials from him and he's usually clueless that it happened because it somehow comes up with his spouse's name. You could just give her a call and let her know it's happening. She might take steps to stop it if she's aware of it.
posted by goggie at 1:07 PM on March 21, 2012
posted by goggie at 1:07 PM on March 21, 2012
Argh. Effed up my italics there. You know what I meant.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:07 PM on March 21, 2012
posted by Rock Steady at 1:07 PM on March 21, 2012
That's not true, Burhanistan. You certainly can butt-dial people with an iPhone. I know this because I once butt FaceTimed my boss. Awkward.
posted by capnsue at 1:10 PM on March 21, 2012 [20 favorites]
posted by capnsue at 1:10 PM on March 21, 2012 [20 favorites]
My mom has an iphone and she pocket dials me all the time. I get to hear the glories of what she's buying at Lowe's, with accents of shuffling and mumble mumble mumble wood mumble something.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 1:10 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by whimsicalnymph at 1:10 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
If your butt holds down the home button on an iPhone, it activates voice control. All sorts of craziness can ensue.
posted by SpiralT at 1:13 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by SpiralT at 1:13 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]
My SO's crappy old Samsung touch phone struggles to recognise my fingers as same and this often results in me calling her sister (top of list) but also other people if their names match up to somewhere on screen when the address book suddenly opens on the 7th finger bash.
posted by biffa at 1:22 PM on March 21, 2012
posted by biffa at 1:22 PM on March 21, 2012
Butt-dialing only applies to phones with physical keyboards.
Not so; my non-physical keyboard Android butt-dials people on the slightest provocation.
posted by Wordwoman at 1:24 PM on March 21, 2012
Not so; my non-physical keyboard Android butt-dials people on the slightest provocation.
posted by Wordwoman at 1:24 PM on March 21, 2012
While we were coworkers, we occasionally talked outside the office, so it's not a complete surprise that she has my phone number.
If your phone number is attached to Facebook -- maybe if it ever has been -- she could have picked it up through a Facebook sync.
posted by endless_forms at 1:29 PM on March 21, 2012
If your phone number is attached to Facebook -- maybe if it ever has been -- she could have picked it up through a Facebook sync.
posted by endless_forms at 1:29 PM on March 21, 2012
Uh, one butt dial can often lead to another. She butt dials you once, now you're at the top of the recent calls list, and it's that much easier to do another.
I think this has to be much more of a pattern than it already is before serious concern is warranted.
and
Even if your name doesn't start with A, if the second letter of your name is A, she might accidentally call you if she has a blackberry. My cousin Patty hates me now.
Oh my goodness, yes.
I can't even begin to tell you how often this can happen. My friend Anna is often a victim. And then there was a time when my poor friend William kept getting butt dialed by me at 4:30 AM (!!!) because a) he was often one of the last people I spoke to or texted the night before, and was thus at the top of my call queue b) I flail quite ineffectively when trying to shut off the alarm clock on my phone and c) the Blackberry Pearl is quite sensitive to flailing, apparently...
It's probably appropriate for you to say something how how she keeps butt dialing you and that, you know, she might want to be careful about that.
Assuming that this is stalking or something, unless there are further developments down the road, seems to be something that says more about you than her, frankly.
posted by vivid postcard at 1:45 PM on March 21, 2012
I think this has to be much more of a pattern than it already is before serious concern is warranted.
and
Even if your name doesn't start with A, if the second letter of your name is A, she might accidentally call you if she has a blackberry. My cousin Patty hates me now.
Oh my goodness, yes.
I can't even begin to tell you how often this can happen. My friend Anna is often a victim. And then there was a time when my poor friend William kept getting butt dialed by me at 4:30 AM (!!!) because a) he was often one of the last people I spoke to or texted the night before, and was thus at the top of my call queue b) I flail quite ineffectively when trying to shut off the alarm clock on my phone and c) the Blackberry Pearl is quite sensitive to flailing, apparently...
It's probably appropriate for you to say something how how she keeps butt dialing you and that, you know, she might want to be careful about that.
Assuming that this is stalking or something, unless there are further developments down the road, seems to be something that says more about you than her, frankly.
posted by vivid postcard at 1:45 PM on March 21, 2012
My favorite solution - make a silent ringtone, assign it to a contact something like "ZZ DO NOT ANSWER THIS" (so it's at the very bottom of your contact list) and put this coworker's number as one of the many numbers you will likely add. It works for habitual buttdialers and exgirlfriends alike.
posted by gangsterscience at 1:56 PM on March 21, 2012
posted by gangsterscience at 1:56 PM on March 21, 2012
I accidentally called a former co-worker in the middle of the night, while I was on the phone with someone else.
My touchscreen locks itself when I'm on the phone, but I was reclining enough that it unlocked, and the side of my face opened my contacts. I poked the screen trying to make it stop dialing, and yes, hung up on him. Sorry former co-worker!
So, if you can block her number or set it to a silent ring tone, do that. You don't want to talk to her regardless, so it works out either way.
posted by mgar at 2:05 PM on March 21, 2012
My touchscreen locks itself when I'm on the phone, but I was reclining enough that it unlocked, and the side of my face opened my contacts. I poked the screen trying to make it stop dialing, and yes, hung up on him. Sorry former co-worker!
So, if you can block her number or set it to a silent ring tone, do that. You don't want to talk to her regardless, so it works out either way.
posted by mgar at 2:05 PM on March 21, 2012
Blackberrys are notorious. When I had one I butt dialed, butt emailed , butt texted. A coworker got into lock mode where you can only dial 911 and butt dialed 911.
I have not managed to butt dial with an iPhone but I have butt texted.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:14 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have not managed to butt dial with an iPhone but I have butt texted.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:14 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Just assign the ex-coworker to a silent ringtone contact where you can place anyone you don't care to answer the phone for. I have a ton of telemarketing people assigned to mine.
And yea, it's totally possible for someone to accidentally dial your number, and then it keeps happening because you are on the recent call list. For a month or so I spoke to my co-worker's toddler at least three times a week, due to her grabbing and playing with her mom's phone, accidentally calling me every time.
posted by gemmy at 2:20 PM on March 21, 2012
And yea, it's totally possible for someone to accidentally dial your number, and then it keeps happening because you are on the recent call list. For a month or so I spoke to my co-worker's toddler at least three times a week, due to her grabbing and playing with her mom's phone, accidentally calling me every time.
posted by gemmy at 2:20 PM on March 21, 2012
Butt-dialing only applies to phones with physical keyboards. If she has an iPhone or Android (although a few Android phones do have a physical keyboard) then it's not accidental unless by some rare chance there was a stylus or other conductive soft material in her purse that was able to launch the contacts or dialer app and then hit your number.
What happens to me is that I will accidentally dial the 6th person in my recent calls list, because the bottom name is right next to the talk "button" and if I fat-finger that button, it will select that name and *then* dial.
What touch screens do do to eliminate the butt dialing is that they are SO sensitive to random touching that most people lock the screen before depositing the phone next to their posterior.
posted by gjc at 4:07 PM on March 21, 2012
What happens to me is that I will accidentally dial the 6th person in my recent calls list, because the bottom name is right next to the talk "button" and if I fat-finger that button, it will select that name and *then* dial.
What touch screens do do to eliminate the butt dialing is that they are SO sensitive to random touching that most people lock the screen before depositing the phone next to their posterior.
posted by gjc at 4:07 PM on March 21, 2012
I get butt calls all the time from touchscreen phones. I don't think I make them, or if I do no one really comments on it, just like I don't usually comment on the butt calls I get.
I wouldn't bother to reopen contact with her, just give her a silent ringtone and delete the voice mails.
posted by jeather at 5:50 PM on March 21, 2012
I wouldn't bother to reopen contact with her, just give her a silent ringtone and delete the voice mails.
posted by jeather at 5:50 PM on March 21, 2012
Butt-dialing only applies to phones with physical keyboards.
My Windows Phone with a non-physical keyboard butt-dialed an Albertson's, a Wendy's, and a Subway when I was at Ikea last weekend. And those numbers aren't even in my address book or recent calls. It found that shit all by itself after I looked at the maps application, re-locked my screen (or so I thought!), and put it back in my pocket.
OP, just set that person's ringtone to silent, and possibly also change their name to "Do Not Answer" or "Spam Call" or something.
posted by palomar at 9:34 PM on March 21, 2012
My Windows Phone with a non-physical keyboard butt-dialed an Albertson's, a Wendy's, and a Subway when I was at Ikea last weekend. And those numbers aren't even in my address book or recent calls. It found that shit all by itself after I looked at the maps application, re-locked my screen (or so I thought!), and put it back in my pocket.
OP, just set that person's ringtone to silent, and possibly also change their name to "Do Not Answer" or "Spam Call" or something.
posted by palomar at 9:34 PM on March 21, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
If you can't block, at least assign it to a no-ring or silent ringtone and just ignore it until it goes away.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:38 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]