Specific Porn for me and my wife?

March 20, 2012 10:32 AM

My wife was sexually assaulted over a decade ago, before we met, resulting in an unhealthy sexual situation over teh past few years. Our therapist has suggested that we watch some adult videos together to try to re-expose her to sexual situations in a safe and positive manner, but I need some help choosing, based on the following requirements...

I reviewed this question and the links that were contained in the response. However, I'm hoping for some suggestions that can fit the following additional requirements:

* Absolutely no violence or sexual aggression (including "money shots")
* Ideally not super-fake, including *ahem* anatomical considerations
* Depiction of two people in love (or lust) as opposed to the pizza guy and the 10 naughty/hungry teenagers
* Story is not super important...the therapist actually suggested we skip over that part. The idea here is to give her some exposure to sexual situations, and nothing more.

We're willing to pay if it's for something reputable, or if there are specific videos on a free site, that works too. Thanks!

posted by anonymous to human relations (16 answers total)

cough, x-art
posted by Oktober at 10:37 AM on March 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

It sounds like you might be looking for Comstock Films. I can only recommend Xana & Dax, but the company as a whole is extremely ethical, reputable, and wonderful.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:37 AM on March 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

The term you're looking for is "romantic" when searching on like xhamster or redtube or wherever you can get free porn...or so I've heard, y'know.
posted by AzraelBrown at 10:38 AM on March 20, 2012

Absolutely X-art. Watch it with my girlfriend. It's exactly what you're looking for.
posted by fso at 10:44 AM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

x-art. It's everything you listed.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 10:57 AM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Recommended this before, but... orgasms.xxx is slow and loving and also super hot. It's mostly girl-girl but they have some guy-girl too. Might want to er... vet the vids before sharing if its that much of a trigger for her.
posted by softlord at 10:58 AM on March 20, 2012

The Romance Series from New Sensations is another option. I reviewed some of the videos last year and they seemed to meet all of your wife's criteria.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:04 AM on March 20, 2012

Do the videos need to be "adult" videos in the "obvious porn" sense? Because I can think of a couple of WILDLY erotic "normal" movies that may suit. Sirens is one in particular.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:09 AM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

That's a difficult list of requirements. Maybe X-Art, which focuses on the beauty rather than the more physical bits? Check out the site, the people are undeniably beautiful, and there isn't any agression I can detect.

Also, the director "Michael Ninn" is one of the most beautiful porn directors around. His movies usually lack plot and are just beautiful people having sex in interesting settings. Probably there are ejaculation shots, however. Perhaps your definition of "money shot" is different than mine, and means specific types of ejaculation. If you instead mean "on the face", you might be in luck with Mr. Ninn, but probably not in all cases. You'll have to vett the movies, not a bad task at all.

Good luck, I wish you the best, and applaud you for your patience.
posted by Invoke at 11:32 AM on March 20, 2012

Seconding Comstock. Their films are short documentaries that focuses at least as much on the relationship history, and dynamics of attraction, as on the porny bits. It's not about getting it on so much as how sexuality fits into these two people's lives and keeps their connection thriving. Don't get me wrong: it is porn. But it's in a very different genre than X-Art and other stuff billed as the softer side of porn.

Caveat: has the therapist had her work through Staci Haines' Healing Sex (video and/or book) , or something similar, to develop a foundation for this first? A lot of women, with no assault history, feel discomfort with porn. A lot of women, regardless of comfort/discomfort with porn, feel that it's unrelated to "real" sexuality. There's also some pretty strong messages (both internal to and external to the product) of porn making women out to be objects for male sexual gratification. I'm not weighing in on whether that preconception is true (so please let's avoid digressing there). For a person who's been forced to be sexual object, there can be some pretty heightened sensitivity to cues that pass unnoticed by others. In short: porn can turn out to be whoa surprise hella triggering.

Good luck to her, by the way. To you too.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 12:48 PM on March 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

everyone who is recommending x-art missed the part where you said "no money shots", and if that's a real consideration then please vet the videos before you share them with her.
posted by radiosilents at 4:32 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm not you nor your wife, but I find Michael Ninn's work unpleasant in its focus on unrealistic bodies.

A few actresses whose work may be worth looking into: Barbara Dare, Brigitte Lahaie, Kay Parker.

Some films my partner and I have enjoyed: Alice in Wonderland (the musical starring Kristine DeBell), Aunt Peg (featuring Juliet Anderson), Taxi Girls (the original with Celeste and John Holmes). Yes, these are all older work; I find most modern porn disturbing at best.
posted by thatdawnperson at 6:28 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Croatian cutie Severina Vuckovic did a tape with her boyfriend of the time - it's very sexy. A google should track it down easily enough.
posted by Sebmojo at 6:51 PM on March 20, 2012

Not trying to derail, but frankly, it seems quite irresponsible for your therapist to suggest you watch pornography together without already having a specific recommendation of what you should watch, especially since your wife has been assaulted, and given the fact that there are so many variations in pornography available to you. It almost sounds like s/he is saying that you should go and take a medication without telling you which one.
posted by 4ster at 7:09 PM on March 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

I am going to send you to Blowfish, a sex toy and video vendor. My link is to their "couples video" section; there are other sections also. Take the time to read the text descriptions of the videos, which are written by the blowfishies, not by the video makers, so there is some honest description of what you're going to get.

I'm also on board with those who would raise an eyebrow at the therapist for suggesting porn without having any specifically in mind that will not be triggering.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:33 PM on March 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I really like the videos on I Feel Myself. A lot of nice gentle sex and other erotic scenes.
posted by idle at 7:58 AM on March 21, 2012