how to tell if a shy guy likes you?

March 18, 2012 10:18 PM

how can you tell if a sort of shy guy is into you?

i'm pretty shy myself, so it's a bit of a conundrum.

so... there's this guy in my class at university who i definitely have a crush on. we never really talked in class or anything, but after the last couple of classes, he's caught up with me on the way out of school. one time he asked me a question about my dress and said that he liked it, and we ended up talking a little bit about music. then the next class, he asked me about my spring break plans and whether i was going to see any music in town, and we talked about that a little. he asked if i was coming to this little meeting for our class after school, and i decided (more upon him asking about it than anything) that i'd go.

after our class meeting thing, another girl suggested that a group of us go out for drinks. i hesitated a bit, and he said he had some homework to do, but after i said something to the girl about going for a drink, he decided to come along. (i don't know if this was related to me going or not, but it sort of seemed like it, maybe... there were about five of us.)

he ordered two drinks at the bar (we just sort of ended up standing next to each other, so i wouldn't assume this was planned), and when i got out some money to pay, he said, "you can owe me one..." (i bought him a reciprocal drink later.) chilled with the group a while, and ended up talking amongst ourselves for a bit, but i couldn't really tell whether he was into me or not.

ended up that when everyone decided to leave, our cars were in the same direction (he asked me where i was parked), and he walked me back to my parking garage. he gave me a hug and told me he hoped i had a nice spring break and that maybe we'd see each other at the festival later or something... but didn't ask for my number or anything.

sorry this post is so awkward and little-kid-like! hah. i'd just like your thoughts! :)

...just being friendly?

posted by happyjuice to human relations (30 answers total)

He's into you.
posted by brennen at 10:23 PM on March 18, 2012 [33 favorites]

Sounds interested to me.
Look forward to seeing him after break, and enjoy your break!
posted by bebrave! at 10:23 PM on March 18, 2012

He's interested. But he still doesn't know you very well. His interest level may rise or fall at this point, but it looks promising. Just sit back and wait until you next see him. Smile and make lots of eye contact. Otherwise relax and let him come to you.
posted by quincunx at 10:23 PM on March 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

The fellow likes you.
posted by ead at 10:35 PM on March 18, 2012

I disagree on letting him just come to you. Ask him out. Most likely, his face will light up with relief at knowing for sure that you're into him. It'll go great. Best of luck to you!
posted by Saydur at 10:36 PM on March 18, 2012 [16 favorites]

Otherwise relax and let him come to you arrange to go to the festival with him or something. You have a crush on him, he clearly likes you, you guys should hang out more.
posted by hattifattener at 10:38 PM on March 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

He is into you. Ask him if he wants to carpool to the music festival.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:39 PM on March 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Ask him. He won't say no. How could he?
posted by mr_roboto at 10:44 PM on March 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

He's into you. Help the guy out by making it clear that you have reciprocal feelings. Somehow.
posted by dg at 10:46 PM on March 18, 2012

At the very least, it sounds like he wants to be your friend. Roll with that, and see where you go from there!

No need to be confrontational about anything...
posted by schmod at 10:46 PM on March 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

When I was young and single, I always waited for the girl to make the first overt move. That way I always knew for sure that she was interested. Its probably not the smartest or most effective strategy, but its how I rolled.
posted by Crotalus at 10:56 PM on March 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Kiss him. Otherwise this is going to take forever.
posted by LarryC at 11:02 PM on March 18, 2012 [14 favorites]

one time he asked me a question about my dress and said that he liked it,

There's a small chance that he's just a cross-dresser, I suppose, but he probably likes you. Of course, he could be a cross-dresser who also likes you, many cross-dressers are straight.
posted by RobotHero at 11:33 PM on March 18, 2012

You haven't made clear whether you want him to like you or if you are just studying the situation.
posted by caclwmr4 at 11:39 PM on March 18, 2012

Ooh fun. I am pretty sure he likes you. I would say play it cool and keep feeling things out, it sounds like he's intrigued but isn't into rushing in.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:40 PM on March 18, 2012

He's into you. If you both have cellphones, get his number then text him something like "I'd like to know you better" while you are standing there together. That will send the signal while keeping one foot in your comfort zone, and you'll know he has your digits. You don't have to say a word about the contents of the text, just smile.
posted by roboton666 at 12:52 AM on March 19, 2012

You haven't made clear whether you want him to like you or if you are just studying the situation

Well, happyjuice does describe him as "this guy […] who i definitely have a crush on".
posted by hattifattener at 1:20 AM on March 19, 2012

He likes you. I was that shy guy, so know how it feels on his end. Try and find a way to show him that you're interested, I like JohnnyGunn's carpool idea.
posted by arcticseal at 1:43 AM on March 19, 2012

Smile, eye contact, compliment. It's how it's done.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:54 AM on March 19, 2012

I made a flowchart for you
posted by Flunkie at 5:02 AM on March 19, 2012 [35 favorites]

mr_roboto: "Ask him. He won't say no. How could he?"

He could be so shy that getting asked out by a girl shuts his brain down.

If he says no, back off, but don't give up; find excuses to do things together so he gets to know you better without going on a "date". Then try again.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 5:09 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

This was my husband years ago. It took me telling him that I really liked him (had a crush on him) and then waiting for him to respond. His response took 2 weeks.

He likes you, say something.
posted by saffronwoman at 7:41 AM on March 19, 2012

He sounds like how I was in university. He likes you, but he's shy and may not make a move until you make it VERY clear that you reciprocate his feelings. This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to ask him out (though, that would definitely be a clear signal!), but making it obvious that you're into him in some way will likely be necessary.
posted by asnider at 8:12 AM on March 19, 2012

Yeah you're gonna have to sort of guide him to some confidence in this matter.
posted by TheRedArmy at 8:30 AM on March 19, 2012

one time he asked me a question about my dress and said that he liked it,

Oh wait, rather than cross-dresser, maybe he is an aspiring fashion designer? Just that without any direct interest in dresses, you can safely presume it to be metonymy for an interest in a dress-wearing person.
posted by RobotHero at 8:47 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Almost certainly into you. Ask him out.
posted by Decani at 9:56 AM on March 19, 2012

Does it matter if he's into you? You're into him, no?

So make a move. If it doesn't work, you've gotten better at this and you're more likely to see a guy in the future and make it work with him.
posted by rudhraigh at 11:27 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, this sounds disturbingly familiar. Speaking as a shy guy who has done similar a few times himself, I'd say he was definitely interested -- the "catching up with someone after class" is a typical/safe "fact-finding" move (it has the handy ability to simply let the walking/talking fade away if it's not looking good and thus avoid hurt feelings).

And as others say, you may need to lead him in. I've missed out by being too shy to say anything when the other was interested, but not obviously showing it -- it was six months before the poor girl got frustrated enough waiting on me to just walk away, and that was the first hint of interest I noticed (sorry, Val).
posted by Pufferish at 11:50 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

He likes you. He's not going to tell you. Tell him you had a good time at drinks the other nights, and you'd like to hang out again.
posted by OsoMeaty at 2:49 PM on March 19, 2012

As long as he's initiating conversations and hangouts over 90% of the time, you can be assured that he likes you. :)
posted by lotusmish at 8:54 AM on April 28, 2012