detangle me!
March 12, 2012 2:15 PM   Subscribe

How do you ladies with long hair keep your hair from turning into a horrible knotted bird's nest, especially the part by your neck?

I am growing my hair out, and it's pretty long. I wash my hair every 2 days, and I don't brush my hair between washing it because that causes it to turn into a giant frizzy pouffy mess. If I leave it alone, it has a nice wave going without a lot of product, and I like how it looks. However, leaving it alone for 2 days means that by the time it's time to wash my hair, I have a giant knot in the back of my head - not visible to others because it's the bottom layer of my hair, but a pain to brush out. And even though I brush my hair before washing my hair, it is again knotted after washing, even with using a lot of conditioner.

I've tried all kinds of de-tangling leave in conditioners and sprays, but nothing really worked. What I do now is put it in pigtail braids when I am at home or sleeping, so there is no opportunity for it to get knotted. But on days when I am out all day, things get very knotty, ESPECIALLY if I wear a button down shirt or a sweatshirt with a collar.

Anything I can do to avoid it, other than keep my hair up in a ponytail? I really prefer to have my hair down, and I see tons of women with hair longer than mine walking around with their hair down, and their hair is curly and not frizzy, so I know they're not brushing it all the time, and think to myself - they must know something I don't know!
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (32 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Wide toothed comb at regular intervals.
posted by telegraph at 2:18 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Try combing your hair. You can even wet the comb a little.
posted by wandering_not_lost at 2:19 PM on March 12, 2012


I used to brush my hair in the shower with the conditioner still in my hair. This is probably very bad for your hair.
posted by mmmbacon at 2:20 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


I had this problem when I wore heavy sweaters and coats. About the only way to avoid it if you live where it gets cold is to put it up or braid it. I used to detangle my big knot with my fingers, never even bothered trying to do it with a comb or brush.
posted by mareli at 2:20 PM on March 12, 2012


Wide toothed comb when at home, and occasional finger-combing just in the nape-of-neck area when I'm out and about. There's really nothing I've found that prevents it, especially during scarf season.
posted by joan_holloway at 2:20 PM on March 12, 2012


Wide-tooth comb and/or use your fingers -- but do it from the underside, so the top layer doesn't get all frizzy.
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:21 PM on March 12, 2012 [4 favorites]


If you wash every two days, can you do down the first, partially up the second, then braided or something the third? Or, have you tried a french braid or otherwise gently pulling your hair back as you sleep?

If I wear my hair down with a hooded jacket or top, I can't avoid the big tangle. Also, if I am walking/commuting via train, I try to pull my hair into a loose bun at my nape, to prevent it rubbing against stuff as I walk along.
posted by kellyblah at 2:23 PM on March 12, 2012


I have hair that is determined to be a tangled mess. A wide-toothed wooden or bone comb has been the only reliable answer when it was long. I just cut it short now because life is too short.

Those spray detanglers (you'll usually find them in the kids' shampoo section) can help a bit. Spraying it on the above-mentioned wide-toothed comb rather than on the hair seems more effective.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:26 PM on March 12, 2012


Wide tooth comb, in the shower during the conditioner.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:27 PM on March 12, 2012


You don't say what your style is, but if you have kind of an artsy/offbeat style you can shave those couple centimeters or so at the base of your neck. Nobody will notice it if you have your hair down; with your hair up it actually looks really cool IMO. Lots of the older art-chick girls I knew as a teen did this.
posted by cairdeas at 2:34 PM on March 12, 2012 [3 favorites]


It's probably a combination of factors. Damaged and dry hair with split ends is much more likely to knot than healthy hair. There's no way to really fix it, despite what shampoos and other treatments promise, other than cutting off the damaged ends. What you describe as "pretty long" may just be too long for your hair to look and feel healthy.

Also, you should be able to tell a skilled hairdresser about this problem and an appropriate haircut can prevent it in the first place (I know - I had this issue a lot during the winter, wearing high collars and scarves, until I got a good haircut. I only shortened my hair a tiny bit the hairdresser's magic has prevented the tangling from occurring for the remainder of winter).

You can also try using a small amount of smoothing or de-frizzing fluid on towel-dried hair. I like the one made by Davines because it doesn't weigh my hair down – like you I don't wash it every day.
posted by halogen at 2:37 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


I use gel, preferably inexpensive and strong, and whatever silicone "shine" product is on sale, though Citre Shine has worked best. Gel keeps it under control, even in humid weather, and the silicone product makes it slipperier, which makes combing possible, even easy. Both keep the frizz manageable, and make it curly/wavy, instead of a huge cloud of hair, fighting for domination. The hair at the nape has stayed mostly black while the rest is mostly silver, and is much more ringlet-y, but it has surrendered to the gel + silicone product regime.
posted by theora55 at 2:37 PM on March 12, 2012


Wide-tooth comb during conditioning (or just before rinsing conditioner) is not bad for your hair. It's good. Especially if you start at the ends and work your way up to the snarl.

To keep the snarl from forming, occasionally reach a hand back and finger-comb from then nape of your neck outward. You should only need three passes (or less) to clear the incipient rat's nest.

Super-wide-tooth comb in between washings would be a treat for hair and scalp alike (scalps love stimulation).
posted by batmonkey at 2:38 PM on March 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


I use olive oil on my hair. I just put a (very) little extra by the back of my neck. It doesn't completely make it go away, but it helps. You can also add some silicone spray there. The good thing is that it is underneath and a bit hidden.
posted by Vaike at 2:38 PM on March 12, 2012


They are brushing/combing their hair. Brush =/= frizziness. I'm sorry if it does for you. If you stop using a shampoo with sulfates, it might help with the product building up. Also, you shouldn't really even be putting a de-frizzing product at the root.

When I had long hair, I would use an organic, sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner, comb it with a wide-tooth comb in the shower as I rinse out the conditioner, and towel dry. Then, I would apply a heat protector/shine serum, and blow it out. The next few days I would use dry shampoo and comb or brush when needed. This would usually last me 5-7 days. My hair was really beautiful and needed cuts only ever 5-6 months.

It's a lot of work having long hair! I just cut my hair off and I haven't looked back.
posted by two lights above the sea at 2:41 PM on March 12, 2012


Really long, really curly hair here:

Definitely running my fingers through the hair at my nape throught he day. Also, I tend to sweep my hair to one side so that it doesn't constantly sit on my collar and get snarled.

Sleeping with your hair tied up is a good idea.

Additionally, I've been very successful with Mane 'n Tail detangler.
posted by blurker at 2:43 PM on March 12, 2012 [2 favorites]


I also have curly hair that I do not brush, and in my experience, this is a thing that happens at a very specific hair length, and you will grow past it eventually. Also, you probably need a trim, which should settle your hair down. If you're not seeing a curl-trained hairdresser, you might consider finding one - I had this problem far worse when I had people who didn't know better butchering my hair with thinning shears.

When I'm in that phase, I ultimately have to pick apart the clumps several times a day to keep them from super-snarling. Not wearing collared shirts helps, too, but obviously that's not going to work for everyone/all the time.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:47 PM on March 12, 2012


i have a lot of fine hair that falls halfway down my back. i use leave in conditioner to prevent major tangling.
posted by violetk at 2:49 PM on March 12, 2012


Sleep on a silk pillowcase or with a silk bonnet on.

Definitely not the answer you want (or the answer I want, either): my hair is moderately wavy, and I NEED to wash it every day if I don't want tangles.
posted by 200burritos at 2:51 PM on March 12, 2012


I have long, very curly hair and this happens to me occasionally. I keep a little spray bottle of water around, and between washings I spray that section down and comb it out with a wide tooth comb.
posted by sundaydriver at 2:51 PM on March 12, 2012


When I get really knotted hair just above my neck, I know it is time for a trim. I have even put the rest of my hair up and trimmed a half inch off the bottom section myself. I had several inches shaved off the bottom of my hairline in high school and the same thing happened: the lowest part of my head with hair on it got really tangled when I needed a trim.
posted by soelo at 2:51 PM on March 12, 2012


I have very long hair that loves to tangle, and I can get those big tangles if I don't comb my hair for a day, no matter how it is done (braided, etc) or what I'm wearing. The only thing that stops it from making those giant tangles is combing or brushing at least once a day.
posted by thylacinthine at 2:55 PM on March 12, 2012


I have hair like yours - naturally wavy, wash every couple of days, don't fuss. Here's my routine:

I start with copious quantities of conditioner in the shower, with a comb to detangle any knots. While the hair is still wet, I apply smoothing serum (I like Garnier Fructis, because it's not too expensive) working it well through everything below my nape especially. Then I spray it with a light hold hairspray to cut down on excess movement.

This will generally keep me through Day 1, unless it's been windy, in which case I use my fingers to detangle whenever I come back inside.

Day 2 I brush it out with my fingers. There will be some small knots, but I ignore these as a bit of matting adds texture...the goal is to make sure there are no big knots starting to form. If things are still looking messy, I comb out with a very wet comb, and reapply a light hold hairspray.

Day 3 I either wash again, or wear up in a ponytail. I also carry around ponytail holders and use them when it's windy, when I'm exercising, or anything else where the hair seems to be in my way or starting to tangle.

However, once my hair gets to a certain length - on me this is just below where my bra hits in the back - there's really nothing to do to keep it tangle-free. This is my cue that it's time for a haircut.

At times in the past, I had VERY long hair - as long as mid-back or even longer. At that length, the only way to have tangle-free hair is to blow it out to remove natural wave and texture, or wear it up pretty much all the time. Perhaps women who have naturally super-straight hair don't run into this difficulty, but for the texture you describe, there's just a natural length beyond with you'll be fighting a losing battle with tangles.
posted by psycheslamp at 2:56 PM on March 12, 2012


Thank you for asking this. I just got a substantial trim from someone who has lots of experience with curls, and that didn't help me at all. I use the wide toothed comb and two conditioners (one in the shower and a leave in) and my hair will just knot back up in minutes.

I'm finding that protein treatments every few days seem to be helping a little bit. There are some good essays online about hair porosity that are helpful, too. If you have super porous hair (like I do) protein and moisture are your friends.

I'm white, but I find that the tips for black hair care are spot-on for me. YMMV. One thing that used to work (that I need to try again) is a product called Pink Oil. It doesn't have the nicest smell but who cares: it works.

Also I'm just learning to live with the tangles, and also remembering why I had full on dreads in college. My hair just does not like being long.
posted by k8lin at 3:03 PM on March 12, 2012


Oh, something to try that I kept meaning to do to see if it helped: flatiron the hair that tangles. You might not even need to go all the way down, just do 4-6" nearest your collar.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:10 PM on March 12, 2012


After I wash my hair I comb it out with a very wide toothed comb, then scrunch it with curl activator, and let it air dry. I never have the frizzies.



epersonae: Try a GIS for "undercut".
posted by elsietheeel at 3:34 PM on March 12, 2012


you can shave those couple centimeters or so at the base of your neck

I've done this. You can't even really tell that it's shaved on the back. My barber would do it when she was cutting my hair normally. I don't have curly hair but mine is wavy and I definitely got the neck knots thanks to scarves and turtlenecks.
posted by jessamyn at 4:22 PM on March 12, 2012


I never brush, maybe comb once a month in the shower with conditioner. Once a week I massage coconut oil through my hair with my fingers and leave it for hours/overnight. I wash hair twice a week but spray in leave in conditioner ever morning and finger comb. I have a silk pillowcase and put my hair up a lot (eg when travelling to work in the mornings if windy, sleeping, relaxing at home). I used to have tangles but don't any more, only occasionally.
posted by KateViolet at 4:24 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Please tell whoever cuts your hair about this. It is possible to fix the knotted, tangled base-of-neck problem with a good haircut. I only found this out a few years ago and it's so very much better now, but I had to tell my hairdresser that it was a problem first!
posted by zoetrope at 8:17 PM on March 12, 2012


I have never solved this problem, but if you find a Goody Ouchless brand brush, they work wonders. I never use combs any more (not that they worked easily on me), I only use these brushes. They get out the neck tangles with a minimum of effort and pain.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:47 PM on March 12, 2012


KateViolet, do you wet your hair on days you don't wash? And do you wear hair up or down while you sleep? What texture is your hair?

Your tips sound really helpful. Thanks!
posted by k8lin at 10:54 PM on March 12, 2012


During the shower, while the conditioner is in (work some conditioner up from underneath on the back of your neck there, it's easy to miss that spot) detangle it with a brush. Try not to mess with it any more than you have to after that because whatever you do to dry it is just going to start the tangling process again.

You are going to have to do this every day, I've never found any way of skipping a day without getting gnarly tangles back there.

When you notice it getting snarled during the day, comb it out a bit with your fingers, coming up from underneath again at the nape of your neck.

Other than that, just try not to think about it too much.

This is coming from a guy who's currently sporting an all-natural 12" 'fro. This thing would start attracting squirrels if I weren't super diligent about keeping it detangled.
posted by Scientist at 11:00 PM on March 12, 2012


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