How to win gracefully?
March 5, 2012 2:40 PM Subscribe
What's the best way to ask a colleague to work with you, when they used to be the lead on a project that you now manage?
I can't seem to get my head around this as to how to ensure a positive result. Partly the problem is that I'm somewhat frightened of this person who tends to be rather aggressive, whereas I'm very nonconfrontational.
Background: When the previous manager retired, X was made the manager on a project, which I had already been working on. About two weeks later, one of the board members brought up several concerns, which were in fact valid and based on multiple past incidents, and X was promptly removed from the project and I was made the lead.
Now it's about a month since and I have been encouraged by the higher-ups to bring X back on the team- and I do need an additional person. X would be great, already familiar and interested in the project, etc. But I don't know how to proceed. . . . I fear that X thinks I had a hand in all this, since I am now the manager. I also fear losing control of the project with X on the team.
How should I acknowledge what has happened? How can I assure X of my good intentions without seeming overly weak/clueless? Should I even ask this of X?
I can't seem to get my head around this as to how to ensure a positive result. Partly the problem is that I'm somewhat frightened of this person who tends to be rather aggressive, whereas I'm very nonconfrontational.
Background: When the previous manager retired, X was made the manager on a project, which I had already been working on. About two weeks later, one of the board members brought up several concerns, which were in fact valid and based on multiple past incidents, and X was promptly removed from the project and I was made the lead.
Now it's about a month since and I have been encouraged by the higher-ups to bring X back on the team- and I do need an additional person. X would be great, already familiar and interested in the project, etc. But I don't know how to proceed. . . . I fear that X thinks I had a hand in all this, since I am now the manager. I also fear losing control of the project with X on the team.
How should I acknowledge what has happened? How can I assure X of my good intentions without seeming overly weak/clueless? Should I even ask this of X?
This is a situation that calls for a straightforward acknowledgement of X's knowledge and interest and invitation to work on the project again as a valued team member.
But clearly you aren't absolutely sure you want X given the style issues. You need to decide whether it is worth it before you issue the invitataion. You also need to figure out how you will control any challenges to your leadership. (Normally, one does that by thanking the person for their input and saying you will take it under consideration, then explaining later why, if you choose not to do what they suggested.)
As for X being removed, you didn't do it and need not discuss it with X. And I wouldn't. It is water under the bridge at this point.
posted by bearwife at 2:51 PM on March 5, 2012
But clearly you aren't absolutely sure you want X given the style issues. You need to decide whether it is worth it before you issue the invitataion. You also need to figure out how you will control any challenges to your leadership. (Normally, one does that by thanking the person for their input and saying you will take it under consideration, then explaining later why, if you choose not to do what they suggested.)
As for X being removed, you didn't do it and need not discuss it with X. And I wouldn't. It is water under the bridge at this point.
posted by bearwife at 2:51 PM on March 5, 2012
If X is the sort of person who takes control, and there is any ill will surrounding the project, I would find someone else to add to the team. It can be really frustrating to manage someone who views their role as a demotion.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 3:33 PM on March 5, 2012
posted by Nimmie Amee at 3:33 PM on March 5, 2012
In your spot, I'd ask the question just as chatongriffes suggests. Then ... listen carefully.
X may turn you down flat. Discussion over. But if X expresses interest, listen for any hesitation, discomfort or worse, arrogance or self-satisfaction that you've "come crawling for help." Ask another question, maybe something like "So you haven't been caught up in something you find more interesting?" Listen some more. Your goal should be to say as little as possible while you try to suss out what kind of attitude X will bring to your team. If you're quiet enough, X will keep talking. No need to be cold or unfriendly, but be non-committal. Try not to react either positively or negatively, whatever you hear. Just smile and nod. Your attitude should be that this pulse-taking is more important to X's future than it is to yours.
Once you feel you've heard enough to either confirm or resolve your concerns, wrap it up with, "Well, thanks -- I wanted to sound you out before taking it any further with Higher-ups. I'll get back to you soon." Leave X a bit off balance, even wondering if you are trying to talk Higher-ups into or out of making this addition to your team. This will reinforce in X's mind that YOU are in charge of this choice and the team, and that you have Higher-ups' ear.
Based on this conversation, you should now be able to effectively defend your choice to Higher-ups. Confer or not, as appropriate. If you decide to go ahead with adding X on your project, you can go back to X with genuine enthusiasm ... "I'm delighted to officially invite you to join my team." If not, go with "After further discussion, we decided ..." to go another way, you're too valuable where you are right now, whatever you can say honestly.
posted by peakcomm at 7:31 PM on March 5, 2012
X may turn you down flat. Discussion over. But if X expresses interest, listen for any hesitation, discomfort or worse, arrogance or self-satisfaction that you've "come crawling for help." Ask another question, maybe something like "So you haven't been caught up in something you find more interesting?" Listen some more. Your goal should be to say as little as possible while you try to suss out what kind of attitude X will bring to your team. If you're quiet enough, X will keep talking. No need to be cold or unfriendly, but be non-committal. Try not to react either positively or negatively, whatever you hear. Just smile and nod. Your attitude should be that this pulse-taking is more important to X's future than it is to yours.
Once you feel you've heard enough to either confirm or resolve your concerns, wrap it up with, "Well, thanks -- I wanted to sound you out before taking it any further with Higher-ups. I'll get back to you soon." Leave X a bit off balance, even wondering if you are trying to talk Higher-ups into or out of making this addition to your team. This will reinforce in X's mind that YOU are in charge of this choice and the team, and that you have Higher-ups' ear.
Based on this conversation, you should now be able to effectively defend your choice to Higher-ups. Confer or not, as appropriate. If you decide to go ahead with adding X on your project, you can go back to X with genuine enthusiasm ... "I'm delighted to officially invite you to join my team." If not, go with "After further discussion, we decided ..." to go another way, you're too valuable where you are right now, whatever you can say honestly.
posted by peakcomm at 7:31 PM on March 5, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
I don't think there's any need to go into the history of X's management. If they bring it up, you can just tell the truth--that was the board, not you and you are hoping they'll join the team now.
posted by chatongriffes at 2:46 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]