how to trust?
March 2, 2012 10:31 PM Subscribe
why do people say to you "you can tell me anything" when they don't really mean it?
posted by timsneezed to Human Relations (20 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
This has happened to me in a number of relationships where I've initially been really slow to trust/guarded and my boyfriend will reassure me that I can tell him anything.
I have some insecurities and I'm always really really wary of sharing those with a new partner at the beginning. As I start to allude to them, my SO will say, "no, you really can tell me anything. I won't be turned off."
But then inevitably once I start to trust them and share those insecurities they are turned off.
This has happened to me a number of times, and I don't know how to get around it. On the one hand, I feel like I should maybe not share those insecurities since it always backfires but on the other I want to feel like I can be vulnerable with someone I'm with without feeling judged. I also end up feeling resentful after they reassure me they won't judge me and then do, and that further damages my trust.
What's the best approach?