How to act around a one night stand I failed at turning into a fwb and can I still turn this around?
March 2, 2012 5:12 PM Subscribe
Sorry in advance for the length. We are in our 20's and I am 4 years older than him. I just got out a ltr and he has never been in one. We met in school, flirted and emailed almost daily. I was playing it cool and he seemed to be warming up to me but once break came around he cooled off. For a month I found myself chasing him - initiating all contact and eventually he said he wasn't looking for anything serious. That was ok with me! I proposed going to see him and he said he was "game". We slept together and I was pleased... twice (very considerate lover). I think he might've wanted a bj but he didn't specifically ask for one - and I thought I'd save that for the next time.
posted by soooo to Human Relations (71 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
2 days passed, didn't hear from him so I called and said I wanted to do it again. He gave a plausible excuse and said he'd call. 3 days after he came back (and hadn't called/emailed) I saw him in class - I approached, we chatted and it felt weird but friendly enough. I texted a proposed date activity (hoping we'd end up in bed). No response - so later that evening I texted there were no hard feelings, I hoped we would be friendly if we saw each other and said goodbye (perhaps prematurely?!)
2 wks later I emailed saying it sucked to have to ignore each other (as we'd seen one another & hadn't say anything). I apologized for coming on so strong & possibly scaring him. He apologized for not responding & said he wasn't necessarily freaked out, he just wasn't sure we were looking for the same things & we should be friends. I tried to hint that I wanted to be fwb - in case he was confused about me wanting to be his gf. The next week I texted him to spend the night - he said he was going out with friends but would let me know "for sure" if he ended up in my part of town. Nothing. I emailed few days later telling him to let me know if there was no chance and proposed we get together the next week. Nothing. Emailed one final time telling him I got it and would back off for good. He read that email 5 times in 3 days (for a good amount of time each) but hasn't respond... yet.
My question is how should I act when I see him again in class? I find him so sexy and still want to sleep with him b/c he got me really hot & now I feel really challenged. Should I ignore him? Smile? Be cold? Still try to flirt to get what I really want? Say anything?
Tidbits - I learned from our night together he smokes pot regularly. I think I might've expressed a bit of disapproval so maybe that's what turned him off? He said I was "so judgmental" but at the time I thought he was kidding. He is pretty smart/cool but since I don't smoke or drink and he does often he has no appeal as a bf. I'm pretty sure he was attracted to me (I'm slender, pretty, always dress well, make good money & get mistaken for being 21 all the time). We're equally ambitious/smart so I don't know what gives! What would make a guy pass on nsa sex??! And can I still turn this around with some female game?