As you can see here
, I have been suffering from pain from a bulging disc, and everyone (as to be expected) left me helpful tips to overcome my back pain.
Unfortunately, since then, everything has kind of taken a dizzying downward spiral. I was hospitalized about a month ago for the severity of my symptoms and received several MRIs that identified two bulging discs. For a few weeks after that, I slowly but surely tried to go through the day, only to bend over the wrong way one day and be unable to get out of bed the next morning. The cherry on top is that I have developed a bleeding ulcer from all the painkillers, which is going to be okay but means no more ibuprofen (which was helping, unfortunately). I am falling so far behind in school, because the drugs make me foggy and because getting around is so painful - I am trying to keep up with the bare minimum of the semester so as not to lose my fellowship for the fall, but now I'm wondering if it's even worth the effort.
The next step is pain injections, which I am supposed to be getting soon, along with physical therapy, and everyone seems fairly optimistic about my prognosis, so I am trying to remain hopeful that I will, eventually, get better.
But I'm now realizing that, as you can probably tell, I'm feeling pretty depressed. I feel like I'm not really participating in my life - my school work, my friends, my extracurricular things, are all slipping by without me. My family is far away (and is pressing me to just withdraw from school and move back home). My friends are absolutely wonderful, but of course they can't take care of me 24/7. My boyfriend is the.best., but he has his own life to attend to and I'm afraid I am becoming too much of a burden. I am trying not to slip into a spiral of negativity because I don't want to drive him away, but it is so hard to get up in the morning and know that I can't go with him on the trip we had planned this weekend, or go out for a long walk, or do any of the things I normally do to make myself feel better. Poor guy has zero experience with depression, and his "Chin up! You'll feel better soon!" is well-intentioned but just has no inkling of what it feels like to just not want to get up in the morning. It makes me feel like a crappy girlfriend and I worry that eventually he will start to resent me. And then the cycle continues.
I know y'all will suggest therapy, and I've started looking for a therapist, but I really was just wondering if anybody had day-to-day tips for getting through this kind of blackness. I have never been in a situation like this before.
Thanks - y'all are the best.