I want you to want me. And you. And you...and you too.
February 15, 2012 6:29 PM Subscribe
How do I get over not feeling wanted? For a long time (since childhood for sure) I have never felt "wanted" by anyone. I am absolutely tired of feeling this way, especially when rejected for relationships, but I cannot honestly wrap my head around how to move forward. HALP!
posted by MultiFaceted to Human Relations (17 answers total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
I was an unexpected (not unwanted, just happened way sooner than anyone planned) baby, and growing up I remember the family joking about how my mom freaked out and cried when she discovered she was pregnant with me when my sibling was maybe 6 months old (WAY SOONER than anyone thought apparently). I have always had the sense that I am not fully wanted by anyone. Obviously telling that story and laughing about it when I was younger planted a dark little seed in my brain, and it has never gone away.
I am divorced (read previous questions if you want), and that didn't help at all. While I'm healing from that whole thing (and I'm over the ex completely...I have no desire for him), it still drives home that my ex didn't want me bad enough to put effort into the marriage...he just gave up. Other relationships that have ended reinforce that message as well (even though I know they weren't the right fit)...so my brain keeps telling me that I am single because no one wants me. I effin' HATE THAT!! I just had someone tell me that he feels a connection with me but not enough to have a relationship. Now, I've felt that way about others but I have feelings for this guy and so his excuse means he doesn't want me. Again.
How in the hell do I make this go away? How can I feel whole? How can I be OK with not feeling wanted by anyone? There's a logical part of me that knows this is a faulty belief, and related to self esteem, but I cannot for the life of me make it stop. I am pretty damn persuasive to myself and I can make every excuse in the book and refute positive sayings when I try to use CBT techniques on myself. I am my own worst enemy on this. It's a war going on in my head and I hate hate HATE feeling this way!!
So...how can I stop the belief that no one wants me? Or how do I somehow get comfortable with that? What do I do?
(can you hear the frustration?)