I'm too clingly, she's too independent, or just incompatible?
February 15, 2012 6:04 PM Subscribe
Three months into a relationship, we're having communication problems. I want to talk all the time, she's ok without it, and this bothers me. I'm working to become less clingy, but should I look for a girl who's clingy too?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
In past relationships, I've communicated everyday, and I never go for more than a day without talking to my girl - email, text or phone. My current girl seems to have no problems with not talking for a week or two, and this leads to me questioning if she's really into the relationship. I've considered whether I have insecurity issues, but I think for me it's "if I'm really into you and I want to talk to you all the time, you should want the same if you're into me." We're great when we're together in person, she's introduced me to her friends and mom, and we were good friends for a year prior. When we were friends, we actually saw each other about every other week, so maybe that's her comfort zone?
We've had a couple arguments because I'm used to a girlfriend who wants to share everything with me. I'd like to do the same and share my life, but I feel this girl isn't into that. These arguments are really straining the relationship. We've talked and she said she will try to communicate more, but I haven't seen change, at least to the degree that I want. What really gets me is she says she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, and I agree. But honestly, this lack of communication nags me, and we're only three months in.
My question is, even if I get over my need to communicate often, are we simply too different? Will I ever be happy with less communication? I've tried a bit of therapy but the therapist basically said, communication is personal preference that can be based on past relationships, relationship with parents, etc. At which point do we simply give up? I suggested we take a break so I can think this out, which is my second mini-question - how long should a break be, given that we're only three months in?