Can I really get better? Do people really change?
February 9, 2012 9:34 AM Subscribe
A probable breakup has made a lot of my issues come to the surface. How do I fix them?
posted by krakenattack to human relations (17 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
My relationship is ending. I had no idea it had gotten this bad, he says he's been saying what he had to to get me to calm down, and faked it and "managed" me instead of trying to deal with my crazy. I know we've been happy, and that we work on a fundamental level, but I do have some terrible behavior I picked up god-knows-where that needs to change.
Anyway, this is not about my relationship although if you've ever convinced someone to give you a real chance I welcome your story. This is about me, and if I can really get better.
I guess the main problem is I can't be alone. I hate it. I hate going to sleep by myself. I hate trying to idle away the time. I've only ever been able to enjoy my alone time since I've been with him - I guess knowing that I have someone is enough. I'm in therapy, although I guess if I have to move back home with my parents I have to find a new therapist. It took me years to start going regularly and find someone I clicked with.
I'm not totally sure what I'm asking here. I'm pretty devastated, but he keeps wavering and I keep hoping we'll get another chance. How do I be alone? Is it really possible that after so many years of always wanting to be in a relationship, of being terribly depressed when alone for long periods of time, that this can change? I have good friends whom I love, but sometimes spending time with them feels empty and shallow because at this point I prefer the connection I have with my boyfriend.
I know the usual, cut off contact, find hobbies, connect with friends, do things for other people, etc etc. I get it. Eventually you get over the end of a relationship. But how do I really, fundamentally, fix myself deep down? How do I not yell and sob and throw accusations when arguing? How do I not say any and everything I can think of to try to get my way? How do I stop being controlling?
How did I get this way?