Best cities for single men looking for a fresh start?
February 8, 2012 4:34 PM Subscribe
Where is the best city for a single male software developer to start over? (Excluding DC, which is where I am now)
posted by villafoyager to society & culture (37 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I'm in my late 20's and I really feel like I need a change in my life. I'm barely content with my job, and kinda miserable with regards to my social life. I've been in the DC-area my whole life (grew up in the suburbs, now in Bethesda), and I'm at a point where I wonder if the reason I'm not happy is at least a little bit because of this city/area. Perhaps I've given DC a long enough shot. Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I belong somewhere else. I'm trying to figure out what my best options might be.
I work for one of the defense/federal government contractors and have a security clearance. The DC area coupled with a clearance is great for job security, but really it feels secure as jail sometimes. And looking for jobs is a bit depressing, since all the jobs seem the same. I'd just be swapping one contractor with another. And people seem to put so much value on clearances that it makes me afraid to move elsewhere and risk losing it, which adds to that feeling of being "trapped".
Then there's my social life. I think I could put up with how I feel about work if my social life was more satisfying, but it's not. I've been trying and struggling to make more friends, despite being here my whole life. I've been trying pretty hard for the past few years. The few I do have are also locals and are no help in expanding my social circle. I feel like I'm in a rut. It just seems so tough here despite the fact that there's wave after wave of new young people moving here each year. Maybe it really is just the people this city attracts that I'm not compatible with. In a city this large I know there must be people I'm more in tune with somewhere out here, but I'm not finding them.
And then there's my social life when it comes to women and dating. I had typed something up, but decided to delete it cause it sounded too bitter. Basically it's the same as above. I don't think I connect well with the types of women that are drawn to DC. Honestly though, I am rather shy and introverted which I know makes it tough to make friends and meet women (and I know this is the crux of my problem... but I've read a ton of posts about this type of thing and I think I'm doing the right kind of stuff... or at least that I'm on the right track). Over the past few years I've been working pretty hard to break out of my shell, but I have very little to show for it. Been doing the OKCupid thing, which hasn't been very successful and has been pretty demoralizing. Needless to say, I'm not doing so well in this department.
So I really want to go somewhere else and try starting over. I know Silicon Valley/San Francisco is a great market for tech, but from what I've heard, it doesn't seem to be so great for single males since that's the largest demographic (sausage-fest?). And I've seen some of those lists in men's magazines, but I don't know how reliable they really are since they list many of the CA cities which I've heard are more male dominated.
I'm looking for cities:
(1) that have a good market for software developers
(2) where I can live the "city life" - somewhere with good public transportation where living car-free would be a reasonable option
(3) plenty of opportunities/activities for making friends and rebooting my social life
(4) good opportunities to meet women (attractiveness, personality, and good female to male ratio),
(5) plenty of activities - e.g. I like playing soccer, adult kickball seems to be a popular way to meet people nowadays, meetups (I've never made any friends from these, but I'll keep trying), or dance classes (something I've recently picked up in my quest to break out of my shell)
I know DC is supposedly great for most of these, but I'm not very happy here. Anyway, I'm thinking of, but not limiting myself to, the following US cities:
- good tech scene, supposedly developers are in demand?
- women out number men
- great food/culture
* Austin - I don't know anything about Austin other than I hear it's great and they have SXSW
* Atlanta - Again, don't know much about it, but I've heard good things
* San Diego - loved it as a visitor, but living there might be different
- Amazing weather
- I could probably leverage my clearance since there's a big Navy/DoD presence there
- I don't think I could get by without a car though
- No ideal how the social or dating scene is like there (I think I heard it can be tough)
These cities seem to have pretty good tech/developer markets, and sound like a good place for a young-ish single male to enjoy life. Am I crazy to think changing cities will make me happy? Can I really leave the only place I've ever lived and leave behind the few friends and family that I have? Can restarting from scratch really work for me?