The world is full of infinite possibilities - but how do I choose?
February 7, 2012 7:12 AM Subscribe
I have a timeline, a rough plan, various ways to get out of financial entanglements, but I need a purpose and I'm spoiled for choice and I need to figure out how to find out who I am and what I want to do (Yes, very much mid-life crisis-ville).
posted by kalessin to Human Relations (11 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
And I need help, both discovering options and prioritizing them.
In late Fall, my already tenuous relationship will be dissolving almost completely as my former partner moves out and we go out separate ways. We will likely remain good friends and possibly lovers, but we will no longer be primary, nor be able to be said to be in a partnership and will be moving to opposite coasts.
Until then, the partnership will have lasted 15-16 years, depending on how you count it, and I put a lot of time and energy into it, and took a lot of identity and purpose from it.
And that's gone already, mostly, and I'm okay with it, mostly, but I need to figure out who and what I am, what I want, and whether I want to try another partnership. (I am absolutely fine with waiting and plan to wait before making a decision like that.)
So my rough plans are:
- Dissolve assets, split them.
- Sell house. Split whatever equity comes from that.
- Work remotely (looks quite likely with my current employer) and live in the SF/Bay Area (which is where I grew up - I currently live in Baltimore)
- See more of my West Coast friends.
- Make something of myself
- Maybe date?
It's making something of myself that bothers me. Without a partner, I'm not quite sure how to do that. As a person in a long term partnership, I knew that my compass pointed toward the erstwhile health of the partnership and pointed toward common goals between us. And some of that translates very well to living singly.
I can still keep learning about slow food and locavorism and general foodieism and becoming a better and better cook, and can do so as well with local friends.
And I'm thinking about branching out too - there are lots of things I've wanted to do but couldn't, mostly due to time constraints and transportation constraints that will be much less of a problem in the Bay Area - Metal, leather and glass working at The Crucible. Possibly studying more traditional Chinese martial and philosophical arts with my teacher (from my time with him in Boston) at Energy Arts. Foodie classes (charcuterie appeals!) in Napa Valley and points north. Maybe, if I decide to date, I could get off my ass and finally learn to dance (ballroom, freestyle, whatever), or I could learn to play, say guitar (I know piano okay) or learn to sing.
And other things appeal:
- I'd like to make some things and sell them on Shapeways.
- I'd like to get into game mod (minecraft?) programming.
- I'd like to make an iOS app.
- I'd like to volunteer.
- I'd like to find and do or help do something kickstarter-worthy.
- I'd like to run a convention.
- I'd like to go back to Aikido.
- I'd like to study Iaido or Kyudo.
Though I really am not enjoying this partnership breakup, the wide and infinite vistas of possibility are certainly beckoning, and I think I'm spoiled for choice.
So, how do I go about finding purpose? One foot in front of the other? Make a list? Try each thing? See if it still appeals?
I am open to all kinds of advice, but in order to try to keep this from becoming ChatFilter, here's my primary question: If you were ever in my shoes, how did you decide what to do next?