Online dating question-what could have happened? I'm confused and bummed

February 3, 2012 2:57 PM

Match.com-what is going on with his profile? I can send him an email BUT can not click to view his profile ;( This guy and I have been emailing bac and fourth -(would have been 3rd email from him) When I went to check my emails. Saw his default photo was taken off. I tried clicking on his profile... but I can't *when I do try* the information reads: this profile information is "Addtional profile information is not avaliable'' BUT it shows he was actie with in 24 hrs. Also, I can send him an email, as I drafted something and the email setting had no issue letting me do so. What is going on with his profile?

He had added me to his favorites
Also, I saw he viewed my profile
so I sent him a message.---2 sentences--kept it short and sweet-witty!


He responded a few hours later.....and he practically wrote a book --LOL.

He loved my creativeness in choosing a nameand asked me all sorts of questions.


After another email he replied. Telling me he had 3 favorites and I was one of them-----and told me he wanted to hear more from me

BUT that the site was a pain for him and he stated he *hasn't been reading all of his messages*....this site is *too much for him*

he said he didn't want to talk about himself---he wanted to know about me.


:(

So I don't know what happened.

posted by titforatat33 to Human Relations (12 answers total)

Could he be married? :(
posted by honey-barbara at 3:22 PM on February 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

He hasn't filled out his profile, if I understand that correctly. And he sounds like a mess, there's no question about that. Email with someone else.
posted by J. Wilson at 3:28 PM on February 3, 2012 [5 favorites]

What could have happened?
- He's married
- He likes attention but not when it gets too real
- He's a serial flirt and has moved on to other girls
- He got shy and freaked out
- He's dating someone and it suddenly got serious
- He thought he was into you, but changed his mind for some reason
- He got overwhelmed with stress at work
- He's sick with the flu
- etc

I don't know if the profile thing means he's blocked you, or temporarily disabled his account, or what. But online things are weird, things work until they don't and suddenly *poof* gone, and there are a billion reasons why that could happen, many of which have nothing to do with you. If he's into you he'll write back. Try not to dwell.
posted by PercussivePaul at 3:30 PM on February 3, 2012 [5 favorites]

Anyone who sounds that erratic on a dating site is bad news. Either they have no idea what the expectations of courtship are, or aren't interested in them, or have no idea what they really want.

Sadly, these people are often ridiculously charismatic and good (for a short time) at making others feel special.
posted by hermitosis at 3:33 PM on February 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

You've met your first Match scammer. Stay far away. Bullet dodged, and thank your stars.
posted by vers at 4:04 PM on February 3, 2012

Telling me he had 3 favorites and I was one of them

he said he didn't want to talk about himself---he wanted to know about me.

Find someone else to talk to.
posted by mleigh at 4:19 PM on February 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

I agree - sounds like he's married/a scammer. I'd run away as fast as I could.
posted by MexicanYenta at 6:59 PM on February 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Doesn't want to talk about himself = run the hell away. You don't need to worry about anything else. I'm also laughing at the one in three favorites. What is he, running his own dating game show with himself as the bachelor? It doesn't work that way, dude. Run!!
posted by hazyjane at 12:36 AM on February 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

Also, re: your headline ... There is no getting "bummed" during the email phase of online dating! There's only, Next.
posted by thinkpiece at 4:59 AM on February 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

Nthing that he sounds flaky at best, married or a scammer at worst.

If he were really interested in you, he'd have asked you out on a real live coffee date (or other appropriate first-time meeting date). That's what you do to get around problems with an online site. You don't tell one of your so-called "favorites" that you aren't reading all your messages.

Btw, my criticism is firmly aimed at him, you're fine. It stinks that there are people on dating sites that do this. FWIW, there seem to be a lot more of them on the pay sites than on free ones – my educated guess would be that it's because the free ones are more easily accessed by their wives/other women they're sleeping with and/or scamming... I've had better luck on OKCupid. (Not saying it's perfect.)
posted by fraula at 5:13 AM on February 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

After another email he replied. Telling me he had 3 favorites and I was one of them-----and told me he wanted to hear more from me

This dude is bad news bears. Good, decent men don't make you compete for their affection like you're on a game show.
posted by griphus at 8:02 AM on February 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

Back way up. If he wants to pursue something, you'll hear from him. On dating sites, limit your trust. Maximize your understanding that you are wonderful, and should be treated wonderfully. Maybe he's a noob, or whatever, who can tell? But don't cater to him.
posted by theora55 at 11:13 AM on February 5, 2012