Socially awkward woman that can't lift a bowling ball seeks advice
February 3, 2012 7:21 AM Subscribe
Help me get out of having to go to my boyfriend's friend's wife's birthday bowling party that I wasn't even invited to.
posted by KogeLiz to human relations (47 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Background: Early 30s, 2.5 year relationship, he is an extrovert and I'm an introvert with social anxiety. We have had arguments when he wants me to accompany him and I don't want to. I usually don't want to because he usually drinks with his buddies until 5am, or inadvertently leaves me with someone's wife and children while he and his pals play music.
Last week my boyfriend tells me that his friend invited him to his wife's birthday get-together at a bowling alley. My boyfriend tells me that we need to go.
I have met his friend maybe 6 times and his wife maybe 3. I did not hit it off with either of them. My boyfriend has never really gotten along with with the wife and has had arguments with her online (facebook type crap). But he feels like since his buddy asked him, that we should go.
Problem? I am guessing his buddy wants someone to hang out with other than a few of his wife's girlfriends (one of them dislikes both of us and has been vocal about it) and their kids. Which is fine, but why do I need to go?
I don't want to go. I don't care for bowling, strangers, kids and I certainly don't want to show up to someone's birthday when they, themselves, didn't even invite me nor really knows me. I'm also not well-liked by a lot of the "wives" because, well, I don't know. I think it may be because I'm a sarcastic Bostonian now living in the South and I have horrible social anxiety.
After explaining that this would be uncomfortable for me, my boyfriend tells me that it would be uncomfortable for him to explain why I wasn't there and that he is getting tired of making excuses for me. But I think this situation is a little different.
So, how do I get out of this without him getting upset? What can I say to better explain how I think it would be strange for me to show up uninvited to someone's birthday event when we don't even get along?
Or, maybe I'm just being selfish and none of this is weird?