Going to the chapel ...
January 16, 2012 11:21 AM Subscribe
How to tell the family we've eloped? Snowflake details inside!
posted by mrfuga0 to human relations (22 answers total)
My partner of almost seven years and I are planning on getting married very quietly (just us and the JP) in March. We've been planning this for about a year, and work, school, illness, etc. have kept us from actually making a date until now. If we do not do this in March, we'll likely be delayed until the end of summer or possibly even December 2012. For legal reasons, we need to be married before January 2013.
We're both very private people and do not want others at the wedding. I don't think this will be an issue with either family (we're both in our 30s, independent, etc. -- no one seems to expect traditional things from us). The issue comes from the announcement.
I have a close female cousin (I'm also female) with whom I have a somewhat convoluted and confusing relationship. We're very close in age, though she is a few months older, and have been considered the same person by many family members for many years. She and I have been close in the past, but haven't really talked in a couple years -- an issue which has gotten much play in the family gossip circle. Everyone talks to everyone and is super gossipy and talky. The family all gets along and is happy (for the most part).
When my partner and I decided to get married, the cousin and her boyfriend were broken up (and made it public to the family how and why). Since then, they have gotten back together and are planning a big wedding in July.
This cousin has had problems in the past with younger family members getting married before her, and her mother had a grudge (which has gone away over time) against my mother when my mother got married just three months after her. My cousin's brother (also my cousin, yes) got engaged the day before my own brother and my brother delayed announcing his engagement for fear of stepping on any toes.
So. I don't want to not announce our marriage (after the fact, of course), nor do I want to say "oh well, it was for legal reasons," which seems to diminish the whole situation. I also don't want to start some sort of family fight. I could just tell my mom and dad and brother, but telling anyone else (including my grandmother, with whom I have a close relationship) is effectively telling the whole family.