Having difficulty expressing my emotions – help!
January 15, 2012 4:47 PM Subscribe
Is it ever okay to snap at someone?
posted by feidr2 to human relations (27 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
I’m normally pretty quiet, like to please everybody all of the time, and let other people get things their way rather than argue for what’s best for me. Work has been very stressful lately, and lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve been getting the short end of the stick because I wasn’t asking for what I needed. I’ve been trying to express my needs better, but then I hate feeling needy, I start to question what I really need, and I feel like something is wrong with me because I nearly break out in tears throughout the day. And when I do try to tell people what I need, I don’t always express myself in a very productive way.
For example: Recently a coworker, who has been something of a mentor, and normally uber-helpful, was pressing me about when a large delivery, for which I am responsible, would be ready. This order was wanted at the last minute with very fast turn-around, in a period of time when I was already nearly at my breaking point with other large, important orders going out. I felt like he was really pressuring me, and I started going off like “It’s not that easy for me to…” , “I don’t have much help right now, so…” in a very angry, frustrated tone. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but since I trust this guy I guess I didn’t hold back like I might with the higher-ups. A similar thing happened several months ago with the same coworker, when his more-blaming-than-usual tone caught me off guard during a stressful time and I got defensive and kind of went off.
It’s difficult for me to judge just how I come across in these moments, since I really never respond in this way to anyone. I’ve always avoided conflict, since it makes me very uncomfortable. I’m normally pretty shy, so when I blow up, I imagine it’s somewhat surprising to the recipient. I feel like I should apologize, so we can return to better relations, but then I wonder if the main reason I want to apologize is just to quell my anxiety about the whole situation. Since I’m having trouble judging the severity of my behavior, I’m not sure whether it warrants an apology.
Ugh. At this point I’m not even sure what my question is. I guess I’m wondering – is it okay for me to act this way sometimes? And also – what’s a better way to respond to intense pressure (too much work, too little time, plus asshole boss) from people at work? I know exercising would help me immensely right now, but work has required long hours lately so I haven’t had much time for exercising.