Help me stop freaking out at my bf
January 13, 2012 9:11 AM Subscribe
Help me conquer my insecurity in relationships!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (22 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
It has come to my attention that I am one of those annoyingly insecure girlfriends. Several of my friends have called me out on it, and it's caused some strife with my boyfriend. My current boyfriend is a complete sweetheart and cares about my feelings, but we've been long-distance for about three months (dating for five). The first two months when we were together, I was not insecure, or at least if I was, it didn't harm our relationship in any way.
Examples of my insecurity:
1. last night my bf and I were talking about threesomes and he started to get way more interested-sounding than I was comfortable with. He texted me after we hung up to ask if 'I would really do that' and I started to think things like-- he must not care about me as much as before if he wants to have sex with someone else. He texted me this morning to tell me he thought I was the one who sounded more interested in it.
2. also last night, he tried calling me while I was at work, and I didn't answer. I called him later on my lunch break and he said he was working and couldn't talk. It was very late his time so I began to wonder if maybe he was just at home working and didn't want to answer my call, which upset me. I asked him if he was at work and he said he still was (so I was getting upset over nothing).
3. We were texting the other night before bed and I sent him a sweet text telling him he was cute, he answered and said why?, and I said you just are, am I not allowed to tell my bf that? He never answered that text (I am sure he just fell asleep or stopped looking at his phone) and I texted him the next morning to say, you never answered my cute text! I wasn't mad really and it wasn't that big of a deal, but maybe I should not have said that.
4. the one period when we were fighting, it was because I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention from him. We went from Skyping a couple hours a day to brief phone calls etc, which I have adjusted to but it was hard at first. We got in a couple big fights and I texted him a lot during them, I'm ashamed to admit, probably like 20 times in a row and just felt so ignored because I was so upset and he was just at a party not answering me.
I have been insecure in past relationships, but the guys have been pretty big douchebags (purposefully ignoring me, cheating on me, etc) so I've justified it as, oh well, they were treating me badly, so that's why I was insecure. But, now I don't have an excuse, because my boyfriend treats me really well. My friend said I need a ton of attention, and my other friend said I expect a text back from him way too fast (which is sometimes true, esp if we're in a fight, but sometimes I could care less if he doesn't answer for two/three hours-- it just depends).
There are, overall, just more times than I'd like where I started to assume something negative and it all turns out okay.
I do not at all have this issue with friends, although I am a pretty emotional person in general. I feel terrible and sort of sorry for my boyfriend and I sometimes feel like I am just undateable because of all this. I am not in the least bit jealous, I trust his fidelity 100% and we have never had so much as a hiccup over that, but I just get anxious waiting for texts sometimes, or start to think maybe he cares about me less than before. I don't want to be crazy girlfriend, and we have an overall healthy relationship that I don't want to ruin.
Is there hope for me? How do I change and chill out? I am 25, if that matters, maybe I will just grow out of it!