When isn't it acceptable anymore?
January 5, 2012 10:28 AM Subscribe
Does being passionate about something means you can let go of things you wouldn't in other situations?
posted by OrangeCat to human relations (12 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Hello members of AskMeFi
I need your perspective on an event that's been bugging me for a while.
I'm an avid horserider. Horses and horseriding is my passion. I am lucky to be part of a dressage team. We train twice a week and compete two Sundays a month. Last Monday we had a training session.
I entered the arena with the horse, was to the point to say "Hello and happy new year" to my coach, but he interrupted me. He started to talk to me in a very harsh way and told me unfair things. The reason why he acted that way was because I still haven't done the annual compulsory medical visit that would allow me to compete that year. Because I won't compete in January (as I told him so some weeks earlier) I decided to postpone the medical visit -because right now I have absolutely no time for anything else than working -and horseriding.
I told him I couldn't find a doctor appointment that would fit with my planning, and that I would do this in February. I told him this with a calm but firm tone.
At that point I just wanted to bring the horse back to his stable and go back home. But… at the same time I was so happy to be here, with the horse, that I just tried to let go of my anger. And after 5 minutes in the saddle I had forgotten my coach's bad mood and was totally absorbed by the lesson.
I'm wondering : does my passion about horses must excuse any behavior from the trainer? One the one hand, he is a very good teacher, and he knows it. If I go somewhere else, I know I'll have a hard time finding someone that competent. One the other hand, he's famous for his lunatic attitude, one minute he is charming, the minute after he behaves like an asshole. I won't change that.
My fellow riders were compassionate (they heard the whole discussion), asked me if I was okay, and told me that he could be so stupid sometimes. They weren't too worried for me because I'm seen as someone very calm : I don't get anxious if the horse is excited / rears a lot etc for example, and I don't mind the trainer being severe, as long as he is being fair.
If I accept him to talk to me the way he did last monday I'm afraid it'll rub on me and then I'll act that way to the people around me.
Right now I'm still a bit frustrated and angry by his attitude, and am wondering if my reaction was right.
Should I have left the arena? Should I have told him something like "your reaction is disproportionate with the subject"? Does being passionate on a subject allows anything to happen?
I thank you a lot in advance for your answers, you have always been very helpful.
PS : please excuses the grammar / spelling mistakes, English isn't my mother tongue.