Little people
January 3, 2012 9:51 AM Subscribe
I'm not a kid person. Never been around them, never liked them. Complicating factor: My two new best friends are a 3-year-old and an 18-month-old. Teach me how to interact with them.
I just spent a week with my partner's family, including her nephew and niece (3 years and 18 months, respectively). Without trying or even wanting to, I became the three-year-old's favorite person. The feeling is now mutual. [The 18 month old warmed up to me towards the end, but she's still at the stage where most of what she does is scream and reach for her mom. I'm going to wait around a few months for her. I have high hopes, because she's scary-smart.]
I've never spent any time around kids. I faked my way through this week and came up with some fun ways to interact with the 3-year-old. I'd like to be armed, though, for what's to come. I'm looking forward to seeing these kids grow up, but I need some tools.
How do you interact with 2-, 3-, 4-, 5-, 6-year-olds? What are some cool ways to be the favorite aunt? What are some fun games? What are some hilarious tricks to play on them? What do you do to become that person that they love, and that their parents hate after you go home?
I am starting literally from scratch (plus one week). I have no history with this. Please give me any tips you can.
Bonus points for tips on how to respond when every statement or observation is met by "WHY?!"
I just spent a week with my partner's family, including her nephew and niece (3 years and 18 months, respectively). Without trying or even wanting to, I became the three-year-old's favorite person. The feeling is now mutual. [The 18 month old warmed up to me towards the end, but she's still at the stage where most of what she does is scream and reach for her mom. I'm going to wait around a few months for her. I have high hopes, because she's scary-smart.]
I've never spent any time around kids. I faked my way through this week and came up with some fun ways to interact with the 3-year-old. I'd like to be armed, though, for what's to come. I'm looking forward to seeing these kids grow up, but I need some tools.
How do you interact with 2-, 3-, 4-, 5-, 6-year-olds? What are some cool ways to be the favorite aunt? What are some fun games? What are some hilarious tricks to play on them? What do you do to become that person that they love, and that their parents hate after you go home?
I am starting literally from scratch (plus one week). I have no history with this. Please give me any tips you can.
Bonus points for tips on how to respond when every statement or observation is met by "WHY?!"
Best answer: "Bonus points for tips on how to respond when every statement or observation is met by "WHY?!""
Two options:
1) If they've asked before, they're cementing knowledge and being sure that it's still the same answer.
2) When you're trapped in a nothing-but-why conversation, reply:
"Why do YOU think it does that?"
"[Crazy-ass child-logic explanation]"
"That's a really interesting theory." (And if possible, maybe you can test the theory. Otherwise, just sound genuinely interested which helps her to know she's an interesting person with interesting ideas.)
---
"Why do YOU think the sky is blue?"
"I don't know."
"Should we google it together/go to the library/check your science books?"
---
Asking the WHY-er why almost always stops the train, and you get to hear super-fascinating, incredibly creative things about that are going on in their heads.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:00 AM on January 3, 2012 [13 favorites]
Two options:
1) If they've asked before, they're cementing knowledge and being sure that it's still the same answer.
2) When you're trapped in a nothing-but-why conversation, reply:
"Why do YOU think it does that?"
"[Crazy-ass child-logic explanation]"
"That's a really interesting theory." (And if possible, maybe you can test the theory. Otherwise, just sound genuinely interested which helps her to know she's an interesting person with interesting ideas.)
---
"Why do YOU think the sky is blue?"
"I don't know."
"Should we google it together/go to the library/check your science books?"
---
Asking the WHY-er why almost always stops the train, and you get to hear super-fascinating, incredibly creative things about that are going on in their heads.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:00 AM on January 3, 2012 [13 favorites]
Best answer: Yep, sounds like you're a natural.
No baby talk, ever, not even with the little one.
3 "why" limit. Give complete answers.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 10:01 AM on January 3, 2012 [13 favorites]
No baby talk, ever, not even with the little one.
3 "why" limit. Give complete answers.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 10:01 AM on January 3, 2012 [13 favorites]
Best answer: Seconding the "no baby talk" thing. You don't have to talk to them about politics and sports or grownup things, but resist the urge to talk in a cutesy voice or dumb things down.
posted by pdb at 10:03 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by pdb at 10:03 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
Best answer: You clearly did something right already if the 3-year-old likes you so much so soon. Kudos! Keep being you. Don't dumb anything down for them, seriously. My kids ended up liking the people who treated them like actual human beings instead of ignorant little kids.
As for the "why" phase: answer as best you can or offer to look it up (with said kid helping you). Or, if you think he's asking "why" as a knee-jerk reaction, ask him why he thinks x is y.
It'd be great if you found out what the kid (and later, kids) is passionate about and then awed him with your impressive knowledge of said subject.
posted by cooker girl at 10:03 AM on January 3, 2012
As for the "why" phase: answer as best you can or offer to look it up (with said kid helping you). Or, if you think he's asking "why" as a knee-jerk reaction, ask him why he thinks x is y.
It'd be great if you found out what the kid (and later, kids) is passionate about and then awed him with your impressive knowledge of said subject.
posted by cooker girl at 10:03 AM on January 3, 2012
Best answer: Straight to your bonus question. You explain until your brain is like spaghetti. There's no other way because it wont stop no matter what. This is a development phase thing, and will subside.
Which brings me to the other question. Developmental psychology is good to know about. It helps to make distinctions between this-or-that-phase-quirks and individual ones.
For a 3-year-old, I'd play along until they tire of whatever is going on. Maybe they find something else. Otherwise it's (multiple)picture book time, snuggle time, feeding time, or naptime, tried out in this order.
posted by Namlit at 10:03 AM on January 3, 2012
Which brings me to the other question. Developmental psychology is good to know about. It helps to make distinctions between this-or-that-phase-quirks and individual ones.
For a 3-year-old, I'd play along until they tire of whatever is going on. Maybe they find something else. Otherwise it's (multiple)picture book time, snuggle time, feeding time, or naptime, tried out in this order.
posted by Namlit at 10:03 AM on January 3, 2012
Best answer: The only thing children need or want at that age is for someone to play with them. Seriously. You can give them leaves in a box & they'll think it's a great gift (depending on child, they may also try to eat it). The 1.5 year old wants someone to bounce & giggle & hug with. The three year old is probably ready to start exploring the world a little more: Trips to the playground, talking about stuff you see, playing with their toys with them, that's all you need to rock their worlds.
posted by Ys at 10:06 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Ys at 10:06 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Most of the kids that age I know like to be read to, and will bring you book after book for as long as you're game. The parents can actually appreciate this quite a bit, as it's normally the same half-dozen or so books, and they're sick to death of them. But since you only read them a few times a week or whatever, instead of two or three times a day, you're good for it. They'll curl right up and turn the pages.
Also, keep in mind that we're talking about little people here. You can interact with them in ways you wouldn't dream of interacting with someone older. You and I probably wouldn't volunteer to be on the receiving end of a game of "Fetch". But for a three-year-old in the mood? Best. Game. Ever. For fifteen minutes, anyway. Which is about as long as they're likely to do anything so, awesome.
I've actually had pretty good success with letting the kids take the lead on stuff, too. Rather than coming up with something for them to do, just be ready to buy in to and play along with whatever they're doing. Maybe it's Legos, maybe it's a tickle fight, maybe it's dolls or action figures or stuffed animals or whatever. Get a piece of the action. Then put a twist on it, using your imagination to add rules, content, whatever. As long as it's within the spirit of the thing and you don't insist on things they don't like (which is a real crap shoot, so if you hit on one don't worry about it and just move on), this is good for an arbitrary length of time.
As to the "Why?" question, I usually just give a straight answer. But, as halfbuckaroo notes, this can quickly turn from an honest inquiry to a way of delaying the situation or just to mess with you. Cause kids dig that shit. So after one or two straight answers, if it becomes clear they they aren't asking to know, they're just asking to ask, find a way to change the subject. Appeals to authority sometimes work too. So does completely making stuff up, a la Calvin's dad. The parentals may take issue with this, but provided you don't say anything too offensive, most will take it in stride, if they aren't already doing this themselves. But as long as it seems like the kid is pursuing an honest line of inquiry, keep feeding 'em answers, even if it's "I don't know, let's find out."
posted by valkyryn at 10:06 AM on January 3, 2012
Also, keep in mind that we're talking about little people here. You can interact with them in ways you wouldn't dream of interacting with someone older. You and I probably wouldn't volunteer to be on the receiving end of a game of "Fetch". But for a three-year-old in the mood? Best. Game. Ever. For fifteen minutes, anyway. Which is about as long as they're likely to do anything so, awesome.
I've actually had pretty good success with letting the kids take the lead on stuff, too. Rather than coming up with something for them to do, just be ready to buy in to and play along with whatever they're doing. Maybe it's Legos, maybe it's a tickle fight, maybe it's dolls or action figures or stuffed animals or whatever. Get a piece of the action. Then put a twist on it, using your imagination to add rules, content, whatever. As long as it's within the spirit of the thing and you don't insist on things they don't like (which is a real crap shoot, so if you hit on one don't worry about it and just move on), this is good for an arbitrary length of time.
As to the "Why?" question, I usually just give a straight answer. But, as halfbuckaroo notes, this can quickly turn from an honest inquiry to a way of delaying the situation or just to mess with you. Cause kids dig that shit. So after one or two straight answers, if it becomes clear they they aren't asking to know, they're just asking to ask, find a way to change the subject. Appeals to authority sometimes work too. So does completely making stuff up, a la Calvin's dad. The parentals may take issue with this, but provided you don't say anything too offensive, most will take it in stride, if they aren't already doing this themselves. But as long as it seems like the kid is pursuing an honest line of inquiry, keep feeding 'em answers, even if it's "I don't know, let's find out."
posted by valkyryn at 10:06 AM on January 3, 2012
Best answer: Your title has given you a start on the answer -- start by treating them as little PEOPLE. Individuals. You're getting to know them just like you'd get to know grown people, and you'll learn more about how to interact accordingly. They have things that get them really jazzed and things that piss them off, the only difference is that the things that piss them off are on a somewhat different level from you.
For a three-year-old: I'm finding that just sort of rolling with whatever kid logic they come up with is best when it comes to how to play with them. My niece was terrifically entertained by having us all sit down on the ground in very specific configurations that she'd change every couple minutes. No idea what that was about, but she dug it and it wasn't dangerous to anyone in the room, so hey.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
For a three-year-old: I'm finding that just sort of rolling with whatever kid logic they come up with is best when it comes to how to play with them. My niece was terrifically entertained by having us all sit down on the ground in very specific configurations that she'd change every couple minutes. No idea what that was about, but she dug it and it wasn't dangerous to anyone in the room, so hey.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Personally, I lie to them constantly. We discuss regional elephant migrations, imaginary flowers, the activities of the jingle-jangle man (he's the one who nicks loose change when you're not looking, but is also the source of stray pennies as he's careless and all his pockets have holes). A favourite topic of discussion with the male 6-8 year-olds is the taxonomy of monkey-pirate-robot-ninja and classification of friends and family (though my wife contends that she is a bartender).
Lie to the kids: it teaches them to not trust authority figures ("What did we tell you about anything Uncle Moose says?"), amuses them, and it's fun to watch them make stuff up to match your outrageous tales. Plus, we get to talk about elephants.
posted by bonehead at 10:07 AM on January 3, 2012 [20 favorites]
Lie to the kids: it teaches them to not trust authority figures ("What did we tell you about anything Uncle Moose says?"), amuses them, and it's fun to watch them make stuff up to match your outrageous tales. Plus, we get to talk about elephants.
posted by bonehead at 10:07 AM on January 3, 2012 [20 favorites]
Best answer: Sounds like you're doing just fine to me.
But the "why" thing - I am a veteran of this. I know a very charming autistic child, whose every other sentence is a why or a what if.
My tactic since quite early on has been to shoot it back at him - so when he asks why does this thing happen, I reply enquiringly, "why do you think this thing happens?" almost as if he had not asked first. I vary the tone of this response around I don't know, do you know? and this is a quiz, are you going to know the answer? in order to stop it from seeming routine and thoughtless.
Hope this helps, and keep faking it, one day you'll wake up and realise you haven't been faking it for ages :)
posted by greenish at 10:10 AM on January 3, 2012
But the "why" thing - I am a veteran of this. I know a very charming autistic child, whose every other sentence is a why or a what if.
My tactic since quite early on has been to shoot it back at him - so when he asks why does this thing happen, I reply enquiringly, "why do you think this thing happens?" almost as if he had not asked first. I vary the tone of this response around I don't know, do you know? and this is a quiz, are you going to know the answer? in order to stop it from seeming routine and thoughtless.
Hope this helps, and keep faking it, one day you'll wake up and realise you haven't been faking it for ages :)
posted by greenish at 10:10 AM on January 3, 2012
When my kid was born, I heard some kookoo theory that you shouldn't tell kids "Good job!" when they do something but should instead describe what they do and talk about them with it. I laughed about it but --
It works. It means when my kid does something, instead of just repeating ad infinitum "Good job!" I engage with him and describe to him the thing he did. "You climbed up the slide all by yourself, and then you slid back down on your belly." "You painted a purple sky with the crayons. What else is purple?" "You ate your whole plate of spaghetti and you even put some in your hair. Does spaghetti look like hair?"
I'm sure there's some important child developmental theory behind the whole thing, but I don't care about that. I do care that it's broadened my communication avenues with my kid and it makes it a lot more interesting to talk and interact with him outside of just spouting "Good job!" every five seconds like I used to.
posted by incessant at 10:11 AM on January 3, 2012 [9 favorites]
It works. It means when my kid does something, instead of just repeating ad infinitum "Good job!" I engage with him and describe to him the thing he did. "You climbed up the slide all by yourself, and then you slid back down on your belly." "You painted a purple sky with the crayons. What else is purple?" "You ate your whole plate of spaghetti and you even put some in your hair. Does spaghetti look like hair?"
I'm sure there's some important child developmental theory behind the whole thing, but I don't care about that. I do care that it's broadened my communication avenues with my kid and it makes it a lot more interesting to talk and interact with him outside of just spouting "Good job!" every five seconds like I used to.
posted by incessant at 10:11 AM on January 3, 2012 [9 favorites]
I also don't like kids, but they love me because I talk to them the same way I talk to everyone else. If I were in a position where I had to (or wanted to) interact with them, I'd involve them in the stuff I liked at that age, and that I STILL like:
1) dinosaurs (take them to the natural history museum)
2) space travel (aerospace museum, or even just the airport)
3) dead bodies (Bodies, the exhibition - if it's near you; coroner's office if not)
4) Tour a radio/TV station. Chances are, anyone you contact there would be happy to show you around.
5) Take them to meet local politicians.
If all else fails, take them camping.
posted by coolguymichael at 10:12 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
1) dinosaurs (take them to the natural history museum)
2) space travel (aerospace museum, or even just the airport)
3) dead bodies (Bodies, the exhibition - if it's near you; coroner's office if not)
4) Tour a radio/TV station. Chances are, anyone you contact there would be happy to show you around.
5) Take them to meet local politicians.
If all else fails, take them camping.
posted by coolguymichael at 10:12 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
coolguymichael reminded me about the "finding common ground" trick, which works well with grade school kids -- and can be kind of awesome. I once was working on a show that had an 8-year-old kid in the cast, and he and I once blew about 15 minutes of one of our lunch breaks getting into a whole epic analysis about what the odds were for the outcome of the film "Alien Vs. Predator." We even made up GRAPHS to hash it out. (I think we ended up calling it a draw because the Alien had greater numbers, but Predator had tool use.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:17 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:17 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Chasing. "I'm gonna get you, oh my goodness, here I come" and slow-speed chasing them, maybe while making tickling motions in the air. This works best if you have a circular path you can follow and the kids trust you. If they get scared, obviously it's time to stop. You can also reverse direction - "oh no, you're gonna get me!" If you actually catch up, a couple of tickles and then the game starts again.
Hug traps. This is a version of "I'm gonna get you" where the adult is seated and the kid walks past, giggling, seeing how close they can get to you without getting caught. Catch them in a big hug, or with two outstretched arms or legs scissored gently together, "Gotcha! You're stuck in a mudpuppie trap! You'll never escape!" and then they wiggle and you let them go, and the game begins again. Obviously if they are scared, stop.
The answer to "why", after the third or fourth question or when there's no sensible answer is: "why do you think?"
Just get interested in whatever they're doing, or call their attention to some aspect of the world around them. Pouring water back and forth between containers in the sink is a good go-to activity. Looking for things in the lawn. Here are some leaves - how many brown leaves can you find? Etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:27 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
Hug traps. This is a version of "I'm gonna get you" where the adult is seated and the kid walks past, giggling, seeing how close they can get to you without getting caught. Catch them in a big hug, or with two outstretched arms or legs scissored gently together, "Gotcha! You're stuck in a mudpuppie trap! You'll never escape!" and then they wiggle and you let them go, and the game begins again. Obviously if they are scared, stop.
The answer to "why", after the third or fourth question or when there's no sensible answer is: "why do you think?"
Just get interested in whatever they're doing, or call their attention to some aspect of the world around them. Pouring water back and forth between containers in the sink is a good go-to activity. Looking for things in the lawn. Here are some leaves - how many brown leaves can you find? Etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:27 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
One thing is that under normal circumstances unless the child is actively bleeding or left screaming continuously in pain, they are generally exactly as hurt/upset as you tell them they are. I was able to wrangle a half dozen cousins at once without too much trouble, just by being enthusiastic and reassuring them that they were OK after a fall, bumped head, skinned knee, etc. Quickly continuing whatever game was happening is a part of this. (Not to say that you shouldn't be careful around kids. In particular it's easy to dislocate shoulders by swinging them around. In general, though, they're pretty robust little critters.)
To a lesser extent, this tactic also works for how much fun they are having. If everyone around them is having fun, they probably are too. (Keep Valkyryn's point about the 15 minute attention span in mind of course.)
posted by Wretch729 at 10:33 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
To a lesser extent, this tactic also works for how much fun they are having. If everyone around them is having fun, they probably are too. (Keep Valkyryn's point about the 15 minute attention span in mind of course.)
posted by Wretch729 at 10:33 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've taught my 4.5 year old nephew that his Auntie will only play with him if he behaves, that I'll never lie to him, and that he has to listen to his Mom and Grandparents.
As a result, he listens to me and doesn't misbehave. :)
posted by luckynerd at 11:02 AM on January 3, 2012
As a result, he listens to me and doesn't misbehave. :)
posted by luckynerd at 11:02 AM on January 3, 2012
You're just going to be a favorite aunt by genuinely liking the kids. My child has a few aunties and the ones she likes the best are the ones who really like her and get her. Kids can tell when you are faking it or are just tolerating them. That's the most important thing I think.
Kids also just want you to play what they want to play. They generally want to order you around and for you to be a good sport about it and have fun doing what they love to do. For a 3 year old, just sitting on the floor playing babies for hours is fun. For a 6 year old it might be playing school and agreeing to always be the kid not the teacher. Their parents are generally too busy to play with them and their little friends have their own ideas, won't compromise or otherwise won't do what they want them to do. So, to be their best buddy, just do what they want (without burning yourself out of course).
Also, if you're my kid (kind of shy), she's happy if you don't make her hug you or do elaborate hellos and goodbyes. If you want to give her a hug fine, but don't make a big deal about it and demand hugs and hellos. Some of my relatives do that and it's just uncomfortable for all.
posted by biscuits at 11:03 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
Kids also just want you to play what they want to play. They generally want to order you around and for you to be a good sport about it and have fun doing what they love to do. For a 3 year old, just sitting on the floor playing babies for hours is fun. For a 6 year old it might be playing school and agreeing to always be the kid not the teacher. Their parents are generally too busy to play with them and their little friends have their own ideas, won't compromise or otherwise won't do what they want them to do. So, to be their best buddy, just do what they want (without burning yourself out of course).
Also, if you're my kid (kind of shy), she's happy if you don't make her hug you or do elaborate hellos and goodbyes. If you want to give her a hug fine, but don't make a big deal about it and demand hugs and hellos. Some of my relatives do that and it's just uncomfortable for all.
posted by biscuits at 11:03 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]
Toddler to pre-school is my most favourite age for kids. They're like little drunk people.
Nthing talk to them like you would talk to anyone. I have always done this with my kid and now at 8, she talks like a grown-up, which freaks people out and amuses me to death.
If you can get down on their level and play with their toys with them, go for it. I personally, can't stand that, so my kid would have been thrilled to have a fun aunt who would play Barbie for hours.
Outings of any kind, including a walk in the rain to splash in puddles. Bring them separately if you aren't confident about wrangling two of them at once.
As for the WHY WHY WHY, I have a couple of tactics. Depending on how important the question was and now earnestly it was asked, I would (1) start with a simple, serious answer, (2) add more detail as required, and then either (3a) start to get obviously ridiculous until they laugh and we can move on or (3b) keep getting more detailed and serious until they get bored and wander away. 3b is my tactic with serious questions I actually want my daughter to know the answers to. Sex and body and potentially embarrassing questions are particularly great when answered this way. With younger kids, the impulse is always to give them a quick simple answer, but if you just keep droning on and on, you will beat them at their game!
posted by looli at 11:31 AM on January 3, 2012
Nthing talk to them like you would talk to anyone. I have always done this with my kid and now at 8, she talks like a grown-up, which freaks people out and amuses me to death.
If you can get down on their level and play with their toys with them, go for it. I personally, can't stand that, so my kid would have been thrilled to have a fun aunt who would play Barbie for hours.
Outings of any kind, including a walk in the rain to splash in puddles. Bring them separately if you aren't confident about wrangling two of them at once.
As for the WHY WHY WHY, I have a couple of tactics. Depending on how important the question was and now earnestly it was asked, I would (1) start with a simple, serious answer, (2) add more detail as required, and then either (3a) start to get obviously ridiculous until they laugh and we can move on or (3b) keep getting more detailed and serious until they get bored and wander away. 3b is my tactic with serious questions I actually want my daughter to know the answers to. Sex and body and potentially embarrassing questions are particularly great when answered this way. With younger kids, the impulse is always to give them a quick simple answer, but if you just keep droning on and on, you will beat them at their game!
posted by looli at 11:31 AM on January 3, 2012
My son is 2.5. I explain everything to him as carefully as I can. He doesn't always understand, but usually he surprises me by remembering more than I expect him to. It's fun.
The trick I think is to remember that they aren't dumb. They are every bit as smart as an adult, but they haven't had the same life experiences yet so they don't KNOW as much. They do have difficulty processing certain things because their brains aren't quite finished getting wired up, but they will soak up knowledge so fast it is scary.
It is so much fun being an aunt/uncle! My wife and I got lots of practice with my older brother's kids before we picked up one of our own. Enjoy it!
posted by caution live frogs at 11:39 AM on January 3, 2012
The trick I think is to remember that they aren't dumb. They are every bit as smart as an adult, but they haven't had the same life experiences yet so they don't KNOW as much. They do have difficulty processing certain things because their brains aren't quite finished getting wired up, but they will soak up knowledge so fast it is scary.
It is so much fun being an aunt/uncle! My wife and I got lots of practice with my older brother's kids before we picked up one of our own. Enjoy it!
posted by caution live frogs at 11:39 AM on January 3, 2012
Best answer: The way to interact with kids is largely the same way that you (should) interact with adults. The topics of conversation will likely be different, but just hangout with them and talk to them. Let them steer the conversation (unless they're doing the non-stop "why" thing, then do as suggested up-thread) and talk about what they are interested in.
Also: use this as an excuse to play with cool toys. Kids seems to love it when adults play with them, but you have to play by their rules most of the time (so, yes, her pony can fly and breath fire, but yours is only a normal pony and can't chase her when she flies away).
I will nth the whole "avoid baby talk" thing. I try to mostly treat kids like mini adults and they seem to appreciate that you are respecting them and not talking down to them. Most of them are smarter than you realize and will know if you're being condescending, even if they don't necessarily understand why the thing that you're saying is condescending.
posted by asnider at 11:50 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also: use this as an excuse to play with cool toys. Kids seems to love it when adults play with them, but you have to play by their rules most of the time (so, yes, her pony can fly and breath fire, but yours is only a normal pony and can't chase her when she flies away).
I will nth the whole "avoid baby talk" thing. I try to mostly treat kids like mini adults and they seem to appreciate that you are respecting them and not talking down to them. Most of them are smarter than you realize and will know if you're being condescending, even if they don't necessarily understand why the thing that you're saying is condescending.
posted by asnider at 11:50 AM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: As everyone has mentioned, talking to them like they are normal interesting humans goes a long way. But remember, when in doubt, making fart sounds is endlessly hilarious.
posted by elizardbits at 11:52 AM on January 3, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 11:52 AM on January 3, 2012 [5 favorites]
Sounds like you are off to a great start. I just talk to kids like I would any other person, altering subject matter appropriately is about the only change I ever make. My SIL used to tell me off for using "big words" with my niece and nephew saying they wouldn't understand, but kids are so used to all words being new that they work it all our by context and they started school with above average vocab so I take full credit for that.
For the why syndrome, just answer the best you can the first time and if they keep asking ask them why they think it is. It was by doing this I found out my 3 yo niece thought that the moon was different shapes in the sky because the pieces were held together with magnets. Still the best damn explanation I've heard for it.
Also really listen to the kids and have conversations, I think so many kids now days are talked at not to, they are very fascinating people and the way they see the world is amazing. Take them for walks and talk about what you see they will never be as easy to amuse again, discuss the texture of flowers or leaves, or the colour of rocks or what that bird over there is doing, let them "help" you make a cake, the kids are huge sponges sucking up all the knowledge you want to throw at them and if its an area that you are interested in they will pick up your excitement and really enjoy it. Most of all have fun.
posted by wwax at 11:59 AM on January 3, 2012
For the why syndrome, just answer the best you can the first time and if they keep asking ask them why they think it is. It was by doing this I found out my 3 yo niece thought that the moon was different shapes in the sky because the pieces were held together with magnets. Still the best damn explanation I've heard for it.
Also really listen to the kids and have conversations, I think so many kids now days are talked at not to, they are very fascinating people and the way they see the world is amazing. Take them for walks and talk about what you see they will never be as easy to amuse again, discuss the texture of flowers or leaves, or the colour of rocks or what that bird over there is doing, let them "help" you make a cake, the kids are huge sponges sucking up all the knowledge you want to throw at them and if its an area that you are interested in they will pick up your excitement and really enjoy it. Most of all have fun.
posted by wwax at 11:59 AM on January 3, 2012
Best answer: update: now I am sitting alone in my office making fart noises and laughing like a moron. DELIGHTFUL.
posted by elizardbits at 12:08 PM on January 3, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 12:08 PM on January 3, 2012 [5 favorites]
let them "help" you make a cake
Oh HELL yes. My niece decorated the banana cream pie I made for Thanksgiving this year (read: I sliced up a banana and she put the slices on top of the pie). This also works for older kids too (although they may want to be more hands-on).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:10 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh HELL yes. My niece decorated the banana cream pie I made for Thanksgiving this year (read: I sliced up a banana and she put the slices on top of the pie). This also works for older kids too (although they may want to be more hands-on).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:10 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I've learned to (poorly) execute a couple of magic tricks involving quarters, especially excavating them from children's ears. Now my nephews frequently ask me to check their ears, just in case. I lay in a supply of quarters for every visit.
posted by kamikazegopher at 12:22 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by kamikazegopher at 12:22 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah, the general theme is to treat them like people. Converse with them about things they're interested in and interact with them as if they were adults. Be interested in what they're doing. Play with them, read with them, get on the floor and crawl around.
I work with people who are going to be elementary teachers, and I'm always amazed at how twitchy people are about getting on the ground and playing. Lose that inhibition and have fun.
posted by SNWidget at 12:28 PM on January 3, 2012
I work with people who are going to be elementary teachers, and I'm always amazed at how twitchy people are about getting on the ground and playing. Lose that inhibition and have fun.
posted by SNWidget at 12:28 PM on January 3, 2012
Best answer: Lucky you!
I think the responses so far are solid. Kids can tell if you are interested in what they say so, like adults, dont ask questions that you want to know the answer to. Kids are very in the moment and will always do the now thing rather than waiting for the better thing in half an hour. Kids work best at kid pace with a high standard deviation associated with it: sometimes it is fun to sort coins for two hours and sometimes they need a change of activity every five minutes and there is no predicting which it will be. Also, kids like to be silly. They also like it when adults are confused about simple things like how to eat a cookie or how to hold a book right-side up.
posted by shothotbot at 12:35 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think the responses so far are solid. Kids can tell if you are interested in what they say so, like adults, dont ask questions that you want to know the answer to. Kids are very in the moment and will always do the now thing rather than waiting for the better thing in half an hour. Kids work best at kid pace with a high standard deviation associated with it: sometimes it is fun to sort coins for two hours and sometimes they need a change of activity every five minutes and there is no predicting which it will be. Also, kids like to be silly. They also like it when adults are confused about simple things like how to eat a cookie or how to hold a book right-side up.
posted by shothotbot at 12:35 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: 18 month old - keep the diaper clean, lots of holding, crawling around on the floor, playing with tactile stuff -bread dough, lunch, the cat's fur, mud, etc. Babies like attention, peek-a-boo, being held, music, walks, things to look at, things to chew. Try to keep things safe and clean. At 18 months, the baby is likely walking and running, but likes a hand to hold. If you're willing to be the hand-holder while baby explores, baby & parents will loooove you.
3 yo - still plenty of holding and walking, but you can have a conversation, and a lot of it should be listening on your part. Make bread or cupcakes with the 3 yo and let the 18 month old have some dough to play with. Teach them your favorite songs; they don't have to be kids' songs, though there are some great songs for kids. I like Raffi, ymmv. What do you love, what did you love as a kid? Share that with them; you'll be more engaged, and better able to engage them.
When kids get cranky and whiny, check to see if they need a snack - don't ask, just make something healthy available - a sliced apple, a piece of whole wheat toast, some sushi, etc. (the parents should give you guidance on food, allergies, etc.) or a drink - again, just get cups of water for everyone, or a potty break - just take them. If that doesn't help, quiet time may be in order. Little kids often have a hard time assessing their hunger, thirst, need to pee, need to nap, and will get cranky.
You might find that the Red Cross babysitter course would make you feel better about what to do. Ex. - little kids shouldn't have whole grapes, slices of hot dog or carrot because of choking danger(If you know the size of a plastic film canister, anything hard that would fit in it is a choking hazard).
posted by theora55 at 1:08 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
3 yo - still plenty of holding and walking, but you can have a conversation, and a lot of it should be listening on your part. Make bread or cupcakes with the 3 yo and let the 18 month old have some dough to play with. Teach them your favorite songs; they don't have to be kids' songs, though there are some great songs for kids. I like Raffi, ymmv. What do you love, what did you love as a kid? Share that with them; you'll be more engaged, and better able to engage them.
When kids get cranky and whiny, check to see if they need a snack - don't ask, just make something healthy available - a sliced apple, a piece of whole wheat toast, some sushi, etc. (the parents should give you guidance on food, allergies, etc.) or a drink - again, just get cups of water for everyone, or a potty break - just take them. If that doesn't help, quiet time may be in order. Little kids often have a hard time assessing their hunger, thirst, need to pee, need to nap, and will get cranky.
You might find that the Red Cross babysitter course would make you feel better about what to do. Ex. - little kids shouldn't have whole grapes, slices of hot dog or carrot because of choking danger(If you know the size of a plastic film canister, anything hard that would fit in it is a choking hazard).
posted by theora55 at 1:08 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Being the favorite aunt is awesome. You can do all the fun stuff with them without changing any of the diapers! Share your favorite books from childhood. Take the 3-year old out to do "grownup" things, like go out to breakfast or, if he has the attention span, go to an age-appropriate concert or museum. Make pizza. Play games. Teach him how to play basketball. For the 18-month old, play rhythm games and expose her to different types of music. Bring over Play-Doh and different types of cutters and molds. Take her out on walks. Look at bugs.
posted by chickenmagazine at 1:42 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by chickenmagazine at 1:42 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
1) nthing the no baby talk thing.
2) nthing the fart noises thing, particularly if you can make them with your armpit, and you can teach the child to do them too.
posted by Billiken at 1:54 PM on January 3, 2012
2) nthing the fart noises thing, particularly if you can make them with your armpit, and you can teach the child to do them too.
posted by Billiken at 1:54 PM on January 3, 2012
Response by poster: Thanks all.
My M.O. thus far has been to lie out my ass. That's the model I know from watching my dad, and it seemed to work. For instance, did you know that when otters go fishing for their food [the aforementioned week was spent in the Monterey Bay area], sometimes they catch more fish than they know what to do with? And when they do catch too much fish, they'll toddle down the street and leave the extras at people's doorsteps? The three-year-old was amazed and impressed when he woke up every morning to find that the Christmas otter had left [fish-shaped napkin rings] outside the front door.
This kind of trickery seemed to work very well for me.
I'm definitely going to have to work on my fart noises, though.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:14 PM on January 3, 2012 [4 favorites]
My M.O. thus far has been to lie out my ass. That's the model I know from watching my dad, and it seemed to work. For instance, did you know that when otters go fishing for their food [the aforementioned week was spent in the Monterey Bay area], sometimes they catch more fish than they know what to do with? And when they do catch too much fish, they'll toddle down the street and leave the extras at people's doorsteps? The three-year-old was amazed and impressed when he woke up every morning to find that the Christmas otter had left [fish-shaped napkin rings] outside the front door.
This kind of trickery seemed to work very well for me.
I'm definitely going to have to work on my fart noises, though.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:14 PM on January 3, 2012 [4 favorites]
Happy uncle of 12 kids here.
3-6 year old kids are awesome improvisors and will often change the rules mid-game to make it more interesting. Roll with it. Change the rules yourself sometimes.
Assuming his language is developing on schedule this is the time for you to start learning a lot of stupid jokes, particularly puns. ("Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9") He'll try to make up his own but I'll be a year or two until he gets the hang of it.
I disagree in principle with lying to kids, but I do play tricks on them and explain the truth after the fact. Similarly, if I have time I'll field "Why?" questions indefinitely but I'm very happy to say "I don't know." when I don't know.
Without a doubt chasing and tickling and picking up and swinging is the most fun. If the mother isn't on the edge of her seat, you're not swinging them high enough.
(Evil Uncle Tip: if you *really* want to annoy the parents a loud toy of some kind makes a great gift. A drum or something else they can't take the batteries out of. Often you will find you can get great concessions from the parents simply by threatening this)
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:37 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
3-6 year old kids are awesome improvisors and will often change the rules mid-game to make it more interesting. Roll with it. Change the rules yourself sometimes.
Assuming his language is developing on schedule this is the time for you to start learning a lot of stupid jokes, particularly puns. ("Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9") He'll try to make up his own but I'll be a year or two until he gets the hang of it.
I disagree in principle with lying to kids, but I do play tricks on them and explain the truth after the fact. Similarly, if I have time I'll field "Why?" questions indefinitely but I'm very happy to say "I don't know." when I don't know.
Without a doubt chasing and tickling and picking up and swinging is the most fun. If the mother isn't on the edge of her seat, you're not swinging them high enough.
(Evil Uncle Tip: if you *really* want to annoy the parents a loud toy of some kind makes a great gift. A drum or something else they can't take the batteries out of. Often you will find you can get great concessions from the parents simply by threatening this)
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:37 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
All the above answers are great.
You might like to read a bit on the psychologist Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development (wiki). The wiki's a bit psychobabbly, but his basic theory is that human beings go through various stages of development, in each of which we are confronted with basic questions about ourselves and the world. For toddlers and young children, the questions are basically ones of autonomy and of figuring out the basic rules of the world: "How can my actions affect things?"; "How does this thing work?"
Kids at this age mostly end up working this stuff out through play. (In fact, I don't think that young kids really draw much of a distinction between 'work' and 'play' the way that school-aged children and adults do.) So, they like to ask 'why?', they like to role-play adult situations like "playing house" or building sand castles or lego creations, they like to explore theory-of-mind questions like "Is this person serious or joking?"
You'll be fine. Just relax, be in the moment with the kids, above all make sure they know you care about them and that they can trust you.
posted by tivalasvegas at 3:14 PM on January 3, 2012
You might like to read a bit on the psychologist Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development (wiki). The wiki's a bit psychobabbly, but his basic theory is that human beings go through various stages of development, in each of which we are confronted with basic questions about ourselves and the world. For toddlers and young children, the questions are basically ones of autonomy and of figuring out the basic rules of the world: "How can my actions affect things?"; "How does this thing work?"
Kids at this age mostly end up working this stuff out through play. (In fact, I don't think that young kids really draw much of a distinction between 'work' and 'play' the way that school-aged children and adults do.) So, they like to ask 'why?', they like to role-play adult situations like "playing house" or building sand castles or lego creations, they like to explore theory-of-mind questions like "Is this person serious or joking?"
You'll be fine. Just relax, be in the moment with the kids, above all make sure they know you care about them and that they can trust you.
posted by tivalasvegas at 3:14 PM on January 3, 2012
Oh, the 'lying to kids' thing. That can be a sticky wicket -- God knows I love nothing more than to make up crazy stories and try to convince small children of their truth. I guess, though, that there's a way to do it that is mean and malicious, and there's a playful way to do it.
Ideally you want to keep the kid a bit off-balance, pretty sure that you're pulling their leg but intrigued enough to keep the exploratory questions coming. If done right, it is a creative and imagination-developing (and fun!) activity that helps the kid to develop empathy, an ability to read what might be going on in someone's mind even if they're saying something different. So maybe you give a bit of a shifty glance, or the twinkle of an eye....
posted by tivalasvegas at 3:21 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ideally you want to keep the kid a bit off-balance, pretty sure that you're pulling their leg but intrigued enough to keep the exploratory questions coming. If done right, it is a creative and imagination-developing (and fun!) activity that helps the kid to develop empathy, an ability to read what might be going on in someone's mind even if they're saying something different. So maybe you give a bit of a shifty glance, or the twinkle of an eye....
posted by tivalasvegas at 3:21 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
One classic that I remember from my childhood: Did you know that when you plant used lollipop sticks in the ground and leave them there overnight, new lollipops will grow by morning?
WHOA.
/Keanu
posted by Spinneret at 4:54 PM on January 3, 2012
WHOA.
/Keanu
posted by Spinneret at 4:54 PM on January 3, 2012
Don't condescend; treat them like respected friends from outer space, which they kind of are at that age. Don't let them win games, choose games in which they are naturally better, like Concentration.
For many years upcoming, remember that they can use jokes as currrency with their peers. The gold standard is "What's brown and sticky? A STICK!"
posted by Morrigan at 5:21 PM on January 3, 2012
For many years upcoming, remember that they can use jokes as currrency with their peers. The gold standard is "What's brown and sticky? A STICK!"
posted by Morrigan at 5:21 PM on January 3, 2012
Your goal in life is to hear your partner's sibling say "you're not at your Aunt Mudpuppie's now, young lady" within the next five years. Keep aiming for that and you'll not go far wrong.
posted by cromagnon at 6:32 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by cromagnon at 6:32 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Make up lovely names:
Mr. Bozo Smelly MacMuggyButt.
Sir FishHead Buttowski
Lord Buttover McPoopy O'Doorknob
King Hairy von Poopenstine
(anything with poopy or butt is funny)
Use rhyme!
Not only is it fun, but does wonders for their linguistic development.
Some kids love to count.
I spent lots of time on the back porch with my middle granddaughter alternating shouting out numbers from 1 to 100 and then beyond. She was the only kid in first grade that had ever counted to 999 by herself! I told her I wouldn't tell her what came next, but she wormed it out of her teacher just to spite me.
Sand is ok, dirt is better, mud is TEH BEST! This summer let the kids play in an actual honest to god mud puddle and make sure you get a pic for the parents looking like this. Bonus points if you get muddy, too. Minus points if you deliver the urchins back looking like the photo.
Go for walks. Run. Play ball. Kids NEED to move.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:15 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Mr. Bozo Smelly MacMuggyButt.
Sir FishHead Buttowski
Lord Buttover McPoopy O'Doorknob
King Hairy von Poopenstine
(anything with poopy or butt is funny)
Use rhyme!
Not only is it fun, but does wonders for their linguistic development.
Some kids love to count.
I spent lots of time on the back porch with my middle granddaughter alternating shouting out numbers from 1 to 100 and then beyond. She was the only kid in first grade that had ever counted to 999 by herself! I told her I wouldn't tell her what came next, but she wormed it out of her teacher just to spite me.
Sand is ok, dirt is better, mud is TEH BEST! This summer let the kids play in an actual honest to god mud puddle and make sure you get a pic for the parents looking like this. Bonus points if you get muddy, too. Minus points if you deliver the urchins back looking like the photo.
Go for walks. Run. Play ball. Kids NEED to move.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:15 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]
Get down on the floor. Take off your shoes, and get down on the floor. You'll see them on their level and see the world from their vantage. While you're down there, play with blocks, cars, barbies, marbles bugs, dust-bunnies, boxes, sand, dirt, plants, crayons, coins or whatever else you find down there. Seriously, get down on the floor.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 10:32 AM on January 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 10:32 AM on January 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
Key things - a few mentioned already -
Get down to their level - on the floor, at a small table, next to them. Then you are not "up on high" but with them.
Ask them questions about what they are doing, and for the most part, don't judge their answers. My four year old was going around doing something the other day and I asked him what he was doing. He looked at me sheepishly and said - "Oh, I'm making a banana milkshake" (of course, pretending).
I acted delighted and hoped he enjoyed it. He was so happy with this simple response he offered me some of the milkshake!
Don't talk down to them. We try not to even dumb things down to be honest - we explain things truthfully and honestly at a level of understanding our youngster knows, but without dumbing down things specifically to his level - if there's a concept we have to explain, we'll explain it, but still use the concept so he learns and understands what it is.
posted by chris88 at 2:09 PM on January 4, 2012
Get down to their level - on the floor, at a small table, next to them. Then you are not "up on high" but with them.
Ask them questions about what they are doing, and for the most part, don't judge their answers. My four year old was going around doing something the other day and I asked him what he was doing. He looked at me sheepishly and said - "Oh, I'm making a banana milkshake" (of course, pretending).
I acted delighted and hoped he enjoyed it. He was so happy with this simple response he offered me some of the milkshake!
Don't talk down to them. We try not to even dumb things down to be honest - we explain things truthfully and honestly at a level of understanding our youngster knows, but without dumbing down things specifically to his level - if there's a concept we have to explain, we'll explain it, but still use the concept so he learns and understands what it is.
posted by chris88 at 2:09 PM on January 4, 2012
Revel in the their awe of you as an older person. I still remember the cool things older people showed me when I was a kid, and now I love it when my own kids (6, 8) see me that way. When you realize someone thinks you're the coolest person in the world, it makes it easier to roll with whatever they want
posted by melancholy_okie at 7:01 AM on April 27, 2012
posted by melancholy_okie at 7:01 AM on April 27, 2012
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With my own 3-year-old, he gravitates to those that aren't fake with him and don't try to impress him.
posted by k8t at 9:59 AM on January 3, 2012 [3 favorites]