How do I increase my range of physical attraction?
December 28, 2011 11:43 AM Subscribe
Have you gotten over your extremely limited range of physical attraction?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (34 answers total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
Anonymous because this sounds so arrogant and shallow. With very few exceptions over my life, I've been attracted only to extremely attractive people. I would say my last three boyfriends could have passed for Abercrombie & Fitch models. I'm decently attractive, but I'm not Angelina Jolie. Beyond that, this is obviously shallow and, worse for me in a practical sense, extremely limiting. With the last three boyfriends, for example, there were serious flaws I should have picked up on immediately, but didn't because I was so relieved to actually be sexually aroused, for once. I've met so many guys I know I could have a great partnership with, but I cringe at the thought of sex with them.
With 2-3 exceptions, I've dated some men who were less classically attractive and I was less attracted to them. In almost all of these cases, I lost sexual interest after a few months, and sex became dry if not for lube, as well as painful. One of these guys was and remains a wonderful friend with whom I have a deeper connection than I ever did with the last three boyfriends. However, sex with him was literally torture. I became so depressed as I was constantly in pain during sex, and getting UTIs then yeast infections from the antibiotics, then more UTIs, then bacterial vaginosis. Rinse, repeat. Sorry for the unpleasant images. The way it was, it couldn't have lasted. Despite the serious flaws I referenced with the last three relationships, I was ultimately happier in them (i.e. not physically suffering).
I'm single again, and this narrow attraction situation really worries me. I want a deep friendship and a meaningful connection. I want to get married (I'm in my late 20s). I know I myself am probably going to be less attractive than I am within a few years (though I do take great care of myself and am attracted to attractive older men, 50s, 60s, as well, so at least fading attraction with age is less of a concern). But I'm terrified at the prospect of a marriage without sexual attraction. And yet, I'm also saddened by the prospect of a sexy marriage without a close friendship. Although if I have to be honest with myself, I think a warm marriage with someone who was not my best friend would be preferable to me than one with a great friend in which I suffer through sex. Maybe that's a question too - did anyone in my position choose this option, to marry a good person with good sexual chemistry without necessarily marrying your best friend/best intellectual companion? How did it work out?
Tl;dr - I have had a hard time enjoying sex with less than very conventionally attractive men in the past. I guess my main question is, has anyone ever 'trained' themselves to find less conventionally attractive people attractive? That sounds ridiculous. Short of that, does anyone have any advice?