How can I get over this breach of trust?
December 21, 2011 2:44 PM Subscribe
How to get over a serious breach of trust that is not infidelity?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (28 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Husband, against my express wishes, went into a large amount of debt to purchase something that he wanted to purchase. We've been married for over ten years and have a child. He's a wonderful person, kind and gentle and loving. Has a great sense of humor and is a fantastic father. However, we have always been at odds over money and how we spend it.
I've had three years of under-employment and during this time, we had a baby. He is very employable (yay!) and has continued to rise in his career. However, he is a spender and a worry-about-it-later person and I am a worrier and a penny-pincher.
In the last few months we've slid into credit card debt and my employment has been light. I wanted to wait to make this big purchase and apparently he didn't. So, despite me asking to wait until after the new year (and after all the holiday spending and travel was accounted for) he decided to just go for it. Buy the thing and go into debt and not tell me.
This is not the first time this has happened. We will be going into counseling after the holidays but how can I get over this incredible breach of trust? We had discussions and he agreed to wait on this purchase. I just feel that he has no respect for me and it's made me question all kinds of things. You can't act one way and then talk a good game the other. Anyone been through something like this? It almost feels like he cheated on me but then at least my feelings would have some clarity. It's been a major gut-punch. How do I get over this? How can I trust him again? Should we separate our finances?