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Not wise, but fun, mocking dragons
December 17, 2011 1:12 PM   Subscribe

What are some good insults for dragons?

So, RPG with dragons, during the Vietnam War, with magic and technology; I'm trying to think up some great insults. So far I've got "you were hatched in a mud puddle" "you dress like/smell like/ breed with humans/bred from" "you taste like a lizard" (dont ask) "rotten eggs" and "you have the looks, grace, and IQ of a helicopter."

What else?
posted by Jacen to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (45 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
"Your mother was a gecko."
posted by griphus at 1:14 PM on December 17, 2011 [14 favorites]


Barely even a dragoon, let alone a dragon.
posted by steinsaltz at 1:15 PM on December 17, 2011


From the Farside - your breath is fresh and minty.
posted by ChuraChura at 1:18 PM on December 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


As a commentary on one's firebreathing capability:

"What a zippo."
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:19 PM on December 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


I love the smell of your mom's napalm in the morning.
posted by srboisvert at 1:25 PM on December 17, 2011 [7 favorites]


Smaugie Don't Surf.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:28 PM on December 17, 2011


Your scales are supple and soft and you couldn't bite the head off a giraffe.
posted by idiopath at 1:31 PM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


"You couldn't even catch a dwarf."
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:34 PM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


"Your mama was a Huey."
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:39 PM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


- All smoke, no fire.
- I shit bigger than you. (a good all round insult, but appropriate here).
- You must be great at barbeques
- You know even without the fire, you're breath would kill me.
posted by doctor_negative at 1:40 PM on December 17, 2011


Glacier-breathed stubwing!

Egg-sucking hoard robber!

George lover!
posted by jamjam at 1:42 PM on December 17, 2011


I've seen leprecauns with bigger piles of gold than you
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:43 PM on December 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


Yo Mama ended up in a belt factory!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 2:33 PM on December 17, 2011


I think it is traditional to compare dragons to worms when you want to insult them. Worms are pretty much the opposite of a dragon's idea of itself: weak, wingless, bound to the earth, always hunted but never the hunter, easily destroyed, always small, slimy and grubby and never dangerous or majestic or terrifying.
posted by colfax at 2:43 PM on December 17, 2011


You couldn't toast a marshmallow!
I've seen bigger lizards at the pet shop!
You make Puff the Magic Dragon look like Ancalagon the Black!
posted by castlebravo at 2:46 PM on December 17, 2011


Tree Hatched Coward.
posted by seanyboy at 2:47 PM on December 17, 2011


Damp Squib
The Tet Inoffensive
You're no Willie Peter.
posted by scruss at 2:50 PM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


"Yo princess is so ugly, a knight's gonna rescue YOU."
posted by roger ackroyd at 3:37 PM on December 17, 2011 [11 favorites]


Tail-turning, frogspawn-swallowing, scale-buffing bonfire-sniffer
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 4:05 PM on December 17, 2011


Your breath smells like zinnias.
posted by BostonTerrier at 4:20 PM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Your fire(breath) is tepid and your tail is limp.
Your wings wouldn't lift a butterfly.
Are those wings? or did a crow land on your back?
posted by theora55 at 4:27 PM on December 17, 2011


Think Sawyer (from Lost). No long explanations:

Tinder toad
Bacon breath
Sparks
Barbeklutz
Drama Bat
Wannabe Gauloises
posted by Namlit at 5:06 PM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


That one over there has a breath weapon, you have halitosis.

Your scales got less scratch than a bums wallet.

Stupid sky lizard

Did little Jackie Paper leave you all alone in the autum mist? You gonna cry now. Puff.
posted by humanfont at 5:09 PM on December 17, 2011


Your mother was slime eel.
posted by Bruce H. at 5:10 PM on December 17, 2011


Everyone knows you're the poorest dragon in school!
posted by TheRedArmy at 5:38 PM on December 17, 2011


I wouldn't even bother to make boots out of you.
posted by kamikazegopher at 5:39 PM on December 17, 2011


F.N.D.
posted by etc. at 5:57 PM on December 17, 2011


Your scales so dull and lifeless, we thought your wings was solar panels.

Hey, didn't I see you leaving your nest at 123 Sesame Street the other day?

You warm-blooded fool.

You're so inconsequential that Dylan wrote a song about the watchtower and didn't even mention you!
posted by iamkimiam at 6:05 PM on December 17, 2011


Telegram just in from Honah Lee: COME HOME. LET'S FROLIC. STOP.

Or,

Even Puff has a gunship named after him! What have you got?
posted by iamkimiam at 6:16 PM on December 17, 2011


Man, you sure know how to put the drag in dragon.
posted by coppermoss at 6:31 PM on December 17, 2011


Too bad that when you were born, they threw away the dragon and raised slime inside the shell.

Aren't you adorable?
posted by _cave at 6:37 PM on December 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've slayed iguanas that were more fearsome that you.
posted by argonauta at 6:41 PM on December 17, 2011


Gasbag

You Worm

Lead tongue
posted by edgeways at 7:23 PM on December 17, 2011


Jumped-up salamander

Even the wyverns think you're pathetic
posted by Ghidorah at 8:23 PM on December 17, 2011


A human pilot would have to shear three rotor blades off a Hook-A to duplicate your grace in flight.
posted by Hylas at 8:52 PM on December 17, 2011


I can fart more flame than that.

Hot you're not.

I've seen handbags better built.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:51 PM on December 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


You're adorable! Whosa widdle cutie dragon? You're so cute we'd buy you in a gift shop.

Cuddles, Muffin-Pie, Swifferwinged sweetie. Kite. Didn't I see you tattooed on a hippie?
posted by Jilder at 7:36 AM on December 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Your breath does NOT smell like victory.
posted by Scoo at 8:00 AM on December 18, 2011


"Aren't you the one that will never appear in the Harry Potter books?"

"Okay, Blasto, if I need crème brûlée, I'll call you, now be sweet and switch off the gas flame."

"Oh look, a self-cooking supershrimp."

"Ah, a visible heartburn, nice trick. Don't damage your toes."
posted by Namlit at 8:32 AM on December 18, 2011


Napalm breath
posted by mulligan at 8:53 AM on December 18, 2011


You silly bag of clinkers. You're nothing but a squashed cigarette butt. Kissing you would be like licking an ashtray. Also, you could use some wing falsies and implants for those tiny teeth.
posted by KRS at 12:58 PM on December 18, 2011


Where did you get those wings, a discount Halloween shop?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:28 PM on December 18, 2011


Geez, I've seen more impressive dragons sprayed on the side of a van.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:32 PM on December 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


smokestack
posted by idiopath at 5:17 PM on December 18, 2011


All smoke and no fire.

Your couldn't boil a kettle

The jungle is hotter than your fire.

And via Full Metal Jacket:

You are not a dragon. You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of lizard shit!
posted by humanfont at 5:56 PM on December 18, 2011


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